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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Thanks all. This is all helpful.

    In terms of whether she may have a crush on me...and whether she may have had a crush on the previous person who filled my role...I think it's a remote possibility, but unlikely. Unless she's bi! She talks to me about guys she has crushes on and how she kind of wishes guys would pay more attention to her, etc. One of the more normal teenage/less disturbing things about her. She also has moments of self-awareness for sure, though they are just moments. She says stuff like "I'd want a guy just to hold me, but I wouldn't want to sleep with him, I'm too messed up for that." Poor thing.

    As a matter of fact - she met a guy I was friends with who I had a thing for at the time (a bunch of us went out for dinner together) and based on chatting with him a bit, developed a crush on him! Which she subsequently told me a lot about, without actually knowing that I liked him. And she's had a couple of rock star encounters (CD signings etc) after which she's been quite giggly and dreamy about the guys. Honestly, to me it is all much more that she's trying to adopt my life, than that she has a crush on me. Liking a guy I liked (possibly she picked up on some vibe on my side anyway), teenage crushes on rock stars but they are bands that I like and indirectly introduced her to...etc. She's adopted a lot of bands, books etc that I like, but will also get mad and say I'm trying to control her or that she "wants her own life" if I suggest a band she might like, or something.

    Apparently BPD can, among other things, result in confusion over which way your sexual orientation lies. So it's possible. But among other things, she has zero relationship with her mom. And her brother has kind of disappeared from her life. I think it's more likely she wants substitute parents, siblings etc.

    I agree that she is young to be diagnosed at this point. I think it's around this age it's supposed to really emerge, but they also want to see evidence that the symptoms last for at least a year. I just pray she can hang in with the therapy. Even if it starts off with them looking at her for depression, I suppose they will be able to figure out if she needs to be referred on or whatever.
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  2. #12
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    Having worked with (and at one point long ago, been) a Borderline, I can confirm that this behavior definitely sounds just like someone who suffers from the condition. I can't make a diagnosis, as I am not a psychologist or a medical professional, but in my opinion, this girl appears to have it. The good news is that if you stick it out and ride the roller coaster of her emotions, you may actually play a large part in helping her climb out of the pit that is (may be) her disorder.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post

    I agree that she is young to be diagnosed at this point. I think it's around this age it's supposed to really emerge, but they also want to see evidence that the symptoms last for at least a year. I just pray she can hang in with the therapy. Even if it starts off with them looking at her for depression, I suppose they will be able to figure out if she needs to be referred on or whatever.
    Absolutely correct.
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  4. #14
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    She acts like a disturbed 15 year old or younger. I'd look to her foundational years including parental relationship(s). This is usually where children learn the definition of love.

    As far as doing the fade, I'd fade or you're going to continue shouldering her issues which are destructive.

  5. #15
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    She acts like a disturbed 15 year old or younger. I'd look to her foundational years including parental relationship(s). This is usually where children learn the definition of love.

    As far as doing the fade, I'd fade or you're going to continue shouldering her issues which are destructive.
    Exactly. I find that distance and boundaries are actually the most helpful tools in these situations.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Thanks all. This is all helpful.

    In terms of whether she may have a crush on me...and whether she may have had a crush on the previous person who filled my role...I think it's a remote possibility, but unlikely. Unless she's bi! She talks to me about guys she has crushes on and how she kind of wishes guys would pay more attention to her, etc. One of the more normal teenage/less disturbing things about her. She also has moments of self-awareness for sure, though they are just moments. She says stuff like "I'd want a guy just to hold me, but I wouldn't want to sleep with him, I'm too messed up for that." Poor thing.

    As a matter of fact - she met a guy I was friends with who I had a thing for at the time (a bunch of us went out for dinner together) and based on chatting with him a bit, developed a crush on him! Which she subsequently told me a lot about, without actually knowing that I liked him. And she's had a couple of rock star encounters (CD signings etc) after which she's been quite giggly and dreamy about the guys. Honestly, to me it is all much more that she's trying to adopt my life, than that she has a crush on me.
    Yes, my impression is that she is more trying to absorb your identity / model herself after you / become you, in a sense... which can also be something that people experience in a romantic relationship but isn't really the same thing.
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yes, my impression is that she is more trying to absorb your identity / model herself after you / become you, in a sense... which can also be something that people experience in a romantic relationship but isn't really the same thing.
    I've found that in some extreme cases, younger siblings often do this as well... Because you like something, they will like it. And they will deny to the death that you're the reason they liked it in the first place. It's interesting.
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  8. #18
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Having worked with (and at one point long ago, been) a Borderline, I can confirm that this behavior definitely sounds just like someone who suffers from the condition. I can't make a diagnosis, as I am not a psychologist or a medical professional, but in my opinion, this girl appears to have it. The good news is that if you stick it out and ride the roller coaster of her emotions, you may actually play a large part in helping her climb out of the pit that is (may be) her disorder.
    Thanks. I think at this point the best thing I can do is create more distance, and have another honest conversation with her dad. He's in the loop, but not sufficiently, in my opinion. I don't think he even knows she went to the doctor and started therapy. She was supposed to tell them, but I don't think she did. I spoke with him last year about my concerns, especially threats of harm to herself, but like I've said the parents have not been much use. I never expect the mom to be under the circumstances but the dad needs to hear my concerns again. I think I need to tell him that she's gone to the doctor and therapist, that she needs to continue doing so, and that I can't do more than I have to help, and in fact I now need to do less. That's more or less what I'm thinking.

    Engineer, do you feel like sharing more about your own experiences? If not, that's perfectly ok of course!
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  9. #19
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Thanks. I think at this point the best thing I can do is create more distance, and have another honest conversation with her dad. He's in the loop, but not sufficiently, in my opinion. I don't think he even knows she went to the doctor and started therapy. She was supposed to tell them, but I don't think she did. I spoke with him last year about my concerns, especially threats of harm to herself, but like I've said the parents have not been much use. I never expect the mom to be under the circumstances but the dad needs to hear my concerns again. I think I need to tell him that she's gone to the doctor and therapist, that she needs to continue doing so, and that I can't do more than I have to help, and in fact I now need to do less. That's more or less what I'm thinking.

    Engineer, do you feel like sharing more about your own experiences? If not, that's perfectly ok of course!
    Oh, not a problem at all. What experiences would you like me to expound upon? Dealing with my friend or being a Borderline?
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  10. #20
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Oh, not a problem at all. What experiences would you like me to expound upon? Dealing with my friend or being a Borderline?
    Both, if you feel like it! I have to admit that I am kind of split over this whole situation. Part of me feels this girl's pain to a certain extent and realises she is probably going through an awful personal hell. Part of me is like "get me away from this crazy girl." Part of me is just a bit fascinated on a psychological/clinical level.

    I thought it was supposed to be something you never entirely recover from or free yourself from if you have the condition? Is it just that there are varying degrees or you have to unlearn certain destructive attitudes and behaviours?
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