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  1. #1
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Default Being more decisive without becoming an asshole

    What do you think, how is that possible ? Any tricks, hints, excersises welcome.

    I have the problem, I am decisive and know what I want with big things. But I am basically oblivious to most small things. I figured one main step to take to become more decisive means caring a lot more about things. it means to even care if lets say the wall is painted blue or yellow, cause then if later someone asks you what your decision on that is you can be more decisive.

    or do you think that is the wrong way. Because if you are like that you are just trieing to make every decision in advance and then when push would came to show, you'ld fail at making a quick decision.

    So what does it take to be able to make quick and good decisions ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    If you don't care about something, why do you need to make any decisions? Instead of hemming and hawing about it, why not just say, "It's your choice since it honestly doesn't matter to me what colour the walls are painted"? Your partner should be able to respect that it's not a big deal for you.

    Having said the above, there are individuals who say they don't care and then get critical about other people's selections. If so, then that's more an issue to be concerned about, than appearing indecisive.

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Nono, it's not about any of that.

    I mean when it comes to making decisions at work. I have a huge field I need to overlook at work now. The amount of information I am bombarded with on a daily level is getting so increasingly high that I cant cope with it all. So I am leaving some decisions like which color a paper should have to other people. Yet somehow some other people cant cope with so much freedom and rather need clear rules to work in. I am tho not really feeling ready to issue commands, because this all came a bit fast for me and I dont like to be in a position like that. Yet I am in it now and if I dont want the whole work to go down the river, I need to become a bit more bossy.

    The thing is, I get convinced quite easy from a better idea and that's a problem. For example a colleague comes and presents me with 15 ideas how to do a totally unimportant thing. In that time 3 hours of very valuable lifetime are wasted and after it I have a headache and still no decision. Yet when I shut the colleague out in the first place it would be very very unfriendly and I cant do that. So I need to find the right balance between being decisive and still being open and friendly. I know there's a fine balance between the two, a fine line to walk and you learn that with experience and the years in a job, yet I was hoping that maybe some more experienced people could say a thing on that.

    How to be a good leader ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I have the problem, I am decisive and know what I want with big things. But I am basically oblivious to most small things. I figured one main step to take to become more decisive means caring a lot more about things. it means to even care if lets say the wall is painted blue or yellow, cause then if later someone asks you what your decision on that is you can be more decisive.
    If you don't care what color the wall is, then leave that power in the hands of your underlings.

    Why?
    You need to empower the people under you so that they can feel they can make investments in your vision.
    If you micromanage all details, no one will have an investment, and they'll want to leave eventually (unless they're complete drudges).

    And really, in anything beyond basic plans and goals, for you to make EVERY pointless decision is a HUGE energy drain. Save your energy for the big stuff; farm out the stuff you don't need to decide.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    If you don't care what color the wall is, then leave that power in the hands of your underlings.

    Why?
    You need to empower the people under you so that they can feel they can make investments in your vision.
    If you micromanage all details, no one will have an investment, and they'll want to leave eventually (unless they're complete drudges).

    And really, in anything beyond basic plans and goals, for you to make EVERY pointless decision is a HUGE energy drain. Save your energy for the big stuff; farm out the stuff you don't need to decide.
    Thanks for the advice. I start to think that the issues I have with that girl at the moment are a somewhat special situation and need to be excluded fro9m the big picture. You know, I am huge when it comes to encouraging others and motivating them, never been a problem of mine, but this girl calls me 15 times a day and asks me mundane details. She is building a booth for our company for a fair at the moment and I'll be at this booth when the fair will happen. If you divide a task like that, it's natural that there will be a difference between all participants regarding personal taste and what could have been different for the booth, but I have to take that risk because I lack time to deal with the booth myself at the moment. Problem is that girl doesnt do it alone and wants to make it exactly according to my taste. I tho have no clear imagination of a booth at the moment, because I have left the task into her hands and am not thinking about it.

    Well, well I think because this my first time I need to have a serious talk with someone and cant be the goofy fun guy to be around, this is probably my problem.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #6
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    If you put someone in a role of responsibility, they have to be self-starters. She might not have been the best fit for the job.

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Thanks for the advice. I start to think that the issues I have with that girl at the moment are a somewhat special situation and need to be excluded fro9m the big picture. You know, I am huge when it comes to encouraging others and motivating them, never been a problem of mine, but this girl calls me 15 times a day and asks me mundane details. She is building a booth for our company for a fair at the moment and I'll be at this booth when the fair will happen. If you divide a task like that, it's natural that there will be a difference between all participants regarding personal taste and what could have been different for the booth, but I have to take that risk because I lack time to deal with the booth myself at the moment. Problem is that girl doesnt do it alone and wants to make it exactly according to my taste. I tho have no clear imagination of a booth at the moment, because I have left the task into her hands and am not thinking about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    If you put someone in a role of responsibility, they have to be self-starters. She might not have been the best fit for the job.
    Likely. But too late now?

    Well, to help:

    1. Have her compile her list throughout the day and just give it to you once, at day's end, whereupon you will respond, instead of her nickel-and-diming your time every 30 minutes. (for example)

    2. Assign her a co-leader for that project, someone with some common sense and self-starting, and have them work together. Or delegate someone else (not you) as her point of contact.

    3. Brainstorm and give her ANY rules that she HAS to follow... then tell her that the rest is her own and she needs to stop calling you about every little detail.... that you are going to be happy with whatever she does. (Then, of course, you need to be happy with whatever she does even if you hate it.)
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Likely. But too late now?

    Well, to help:

    1. Have her compile her list throughout the day and just give it to you once, at day's end, whereupon you will respond, instead of her nickel-and-diming your time every 30 minutes. (for example)

    2. Assign her a co-leader for that project, someone with some common sense and self-starting, and have them work together. Or delegate someone else (not you) as her point of contact.

    3. Brainstorm and give her ANY rules that she HAS to follow... then tell her that the rest is her own and she needs to stop calling you about every little detail.... that you are going to be happy with whatever she does. (Then, of course, you need to be happy with whatever she does even if you hate it.)
    Good list. But I probably wouldn't bother with #1. This is a booth which shouldn't require decisions by a superior. Set guidelines, then if she still can't handle it, put someone else in charge.

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Good list. But I probably wouldn't bother with #1. This is a booth which shouldn't require decisions by a superior. Set guidelines, then if she still can't handle it, put someone else in charge.
    That's why you're an ENTJ and entropie is not.

    But in general, yes, a booth is a lesser responsibility and should have been given to someone who feels comfortable making decisions on their own about a booth (or setting up tables at conferences, or setting up get-togethers/parties, etc.)

    Realistically, after you give that person a set of parameters (so they understand what you hope to accomplish with the booth), they should feel comfortable enough just to take that baby and run with it... and only check in if something bad happens, or there's a money issue, etc.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    That's why you're an ENTJ and entropie is not.

    But in general, yes, a booth is a lesser responsibility and should have been given to someone who feels comfortable making decisions on their own about a booth (or setting up tables at conferences, or setting up get-togethers/parties, etc.)

    Realistically, after you give that person a set of parameters (so they understand what you hope to accomplish with the booth), they should feel comfortable enough just to take that baby and run with it... and only check in if something bad happens, or there's a money issue, etc.


    ENTJ or not, micromanagement has got to be the worst way to manage for both sides of the equation!

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