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  1. #1
    Phantonym
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    Default "My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever."

    My reasons for creating this thread are personal as I have gracefully managed to enter somebody's Ignore List.

    I was immediately reminded of a quote by Jane Austen: "My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever."

    There have been threads about the Ignore function, where people express their opinions and whether they use it and such. I can fully agree that in essence it is a good idea to give people options to choose from. People certainly have the freedom and right to make their decisions and express them.

    But I've been wondering whether the decision to ignore somebody on the forum or in real life might actually be detrimental to the person trying to ignore somebody.

    Even if the person might, in their initial opinion, deserve to be ignored, wouldn't the actual process deprive the person ignoring somebody of the opportunity to deal with the negative association in the first place?

    The negative connection has already been established, one can't really ignore the existence of somebody in a public place and any fervent efforts to do so will always keep the issue present in their mind even if it eventually reduces to a negative memory. Personally I find that incredibly limiting and doing more harm than the person initially fathomed.

    People who have used / are using the Ignore List - how have you managed to deal with your negative associations with the persons you're ignoring?

    Do you simply pretend that nothing ever happened and the person doesn't exist and they have nothing valuable to contribute? If not to your life, then do you extend that sentiment to others people's lives as well?

    Do you think about the matter and in doing so, relive every bit of the negativity the occurrence created? How often?

    Do you lose your good, or at least neutral opinion, for ever? Without any possibilities of being open minded towards these persons ever again?

    How would you even know that you have the possibility to turn any negative emotions into neutral/positive if you decide to ignore the matter altogether?

    Any other opinions?
    Last edited by Phantonym; 03-09-2011 at 01:01 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member chachamaru's Avatar
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    Mr. Darcy is an INTJ.

    That is all.
    a cat is fine too

  3. #3
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I wouldn't ignore anyone for their opinions, per se. I put one person on my ignore list for awhile, simply because they were disturbing. Then I realized it was all a ruse.. it seems to be tongue in cheek somehow. I did feel bad about it at the time though. I kind of thought the poster was, simultaneously, reaching out. I can't handle too much craziness though.

  4. #4
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    No, a person usually doesn't lose my good opinion forever. Jane Austen was INTJ, and I think they can be bad about that shit. I, on the other hand, tend to forgive most people, unless behavior is just repeated or so repellent I cannot tolerate it. I'm not an exacting or permanent type of person with feelings of being offended, angry, or hurt...I'm too fluid for such INTJish non-sense.

    As an aside, 19th century lit is full of INTJs...Mr. Darcy is the cool emotionally unavailable INTJ, Heathcliff is the unhealthy inferior-Se-out-of-control spikes of rage vengeful scary INTJ, and Eugene Onegin is the caustic cynical INTJ with a secret fluffy center who melts into tears after years of acting like a pompous ass.

  5. #5
    ThatGirl
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    I really wish people wouldn't just jump into typing everything. Just a side note.

    I've had someone on ignore for a very long time, and no I don't suffer because of it. Some people just grate on your nerves.

  6. #6
    Senior Member chachamaru's Avatar
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    ^^^ (RE: MARM)
    Therefore we shouldn't judge our "NF" based feelings and interactions on INTJ methods.

    It's not us, so we end up feeling bad. End result is self punishment because we did something we thought was appropriate. This is not always the case.

    We all need hugs. I'm not being condescending at all about this.

    I use the ignore/block function on facebook because seeing those specific people's posts would cause me to feel insane/terrible, and we already don't talk. So taking it one step further isn't that much of a leap.

    Do what your stomach says.
    a cat is fine too

  7. #7
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that they weren't more understanding towards you, Phantonym. You're becoming a more blunt, analytical person lately, and not everyone can understand/accept that. I think it's just your Ti kicking in.

    I would say that that's the exact opposite of how I feel... I might get very mad at someone, and ignore them for a while, but eventually I would like to change my opinion. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't, but I think that I learn a lot more from paying attention to people I dislike, than I do from ignoring them. In some cases, I stop talking/responding to them, but I still read what they have to say.

    I suppose that someone COULD alienate me forever, but they would have to do something like personally attack me... probably more than once. And that would be more because I feared getting upset with them and getting into an argument, than anything else.

    I don't necessarily think that a "good opinion" is something static that should be lost forever if a person disappoints you. I believe that to be a very immature attitude. I don't ignore people because of my "good opinion," but rather because I fear the reaction they will cause me to have if I don't. It's more... practical, I suppose.

    What I really dislike, are people who tell you that you're on their ignore list. That's just tacky, and there's no excuse for it.

  8. #8
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Depends on why I put them on ignore. Mostly, I put someone on ignore because they're annoying me and affecting my enjoyment of the forum. But sometimes after a while, I'll start hitting "View Post," and if they're not annoying me anymore, I'll take them off ignore.

    There's one member who will probably always be on ignore, for I perceive this member to be an insufferable, arrogant prick, who is unlikely to change. All other slots on my ignore list are of a rotating nature.

    As far as being detrimental to the ignorer, I find it's quite the opposite. It's to my benefit to ignore someone rather than getting upset about their crap each and every time I log in. And I find I can ignore them quite well. I mean, it's not like this is a real-life office or anything. Most people won't even know you've put them on ignore.
    Something Witty

  9. #9
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    If you censor someone or something it's because you are afraid of it's power.
    If someone censors you, they fear you and what you have to say.
    So they snuff the message. "Out of sight out of mind".
    This is very detrimental indeed, to the person who is censoring. They are limiting their own potential for growth. They are lacking the "true" spirit of communication and open mindedness. They certainly have not taken the lesson in my sig to heart

    This is not to be confused with ignoring someone who is truly annoying to your sensibilities or consistently abusive.

  10. #10
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    If you censor someone or something it's because you are afraid of it's power.
    If someone censors you, they fear you and what you have to say.
    So they snuff the message. "Out of sight out of mind".
    This is very detrimental indeed, to the person who is censoring. They are limiting their own potential for growth. They are lacking the "true" spirit of communication and open mindedness. They certainly have not taken the lesson in my sig to heart
    Nice sentiments. Too bad we're not talking about censorship. We're talking about one person choosing not to listen to another person. Not preventing that person from saying what they want to say.

    I, personally, am not afraid of the power of the words of anyone on my ignore list. I merely find them annoying. I'm not growing from having to stifle the urge to punch someone due to their utter lack of self-awareness or their arrogance.

    Sometimes the more adult thing to do is to not let someone bait you. Growth experiences abound outside of the ignore list.
    Something Witty

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