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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Nice sentiments. Too bad we're not talking about censorship. We're talking about one person choosing not to listen to another person. Not preventing that person from saying what they want to say.

    I, personally, am not afraid of the power of the words of anyone on my ignore list. I merely find them annoying. I'm not growing from having to stifle the urge to punch someone due to their utter lack of self-awareness or their arrogance.

    Sometimes the more adult thing to do is to not let someone bait you. Growth experiences abound outside of the ignore list.
    Personal censorship. It's just semantics then? And I did add an edit, because I knew I did not completely explain myself

    I am trying to get better at not assuming everyone knows what I am talking about

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't like the ignore feature simply because I like to know what's going on and it bothers me when I don't. If I felt very riled up by what it was they were saying, to the point where it affected other spots in my life, or if I felt compelled to have useless exchanges with them that took up pages of a bunch of threads, I could see using it. I don't think in that case it would have a detrimental effect. Just as in real life you decide some people are too much to deal with directly, sometimes that is true online as well.

    I've been realizing lately that the more innocuous one is, the more forgettable they are too. The more one expresses their opinions, the bigger a chance there is that less people will feel neutral about them and their sentiments will tend to polarize one way or another.

    In your case, I think it has more to do with people thinking that past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour. If you had always been quite unvarnished and opinionated, then I don't think anyone would think twice about it. Since this seems to be a sharp departure from your usually way of interacting, it surprises them and they need time to either adjust or decide what they think about it and how they will respond.

    Perhaps for some, ignore serves the purpose of, in a sense, pushing pause while they decide about that.

    I certainly think there is nothing wrong with you being honest about what you really think. However, along with that goes being prepared for the resulting reactions one way or another. I suppose it's also important that in the quest to be honest about what you think, it is also important to consider that the various impulses that motivate people to say what they do which may be different than your own reasons. To some types especially, I believe dealing with the aftermath of expressing your opinions is sometimes is very uncomfortable, even if you want badly to be known and to be authentic. I've found this place an interesting opportunity to try expanding my comfort zone in that regard with the stakes being fairly low.

    For me here, I'm slowly realizing that I may unknowingly touch off a raw nerve in someone else because they have a range of different experiences than I have had, they are under particular stress, or they are looking at life through a different set of lenses. Sometimes their reaction has very little to do with me. I've also had to accept that not everyone is going to like me all the time and that is okay. I try to treat them respectfully. Sometimes I think there is also something healthy about being challenged on an opinion that's been expressed and having reasoning to back it up, or not retracting anything offensive immediately without considering the source, considering your own reasons, or explaining further. In some cases I've had to re-evaluate my original statement and come to a different conclusion.

    In nearly every case I can think of though, when there are misunderstandings, one or both parties are just in need of additional information than they already possess and it puts things in better context.

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I only put a very small number of people on Ignore.

    Usually they are people I've tried to converse with, and for whatever reason, things go nowhere, I feel "triggered" by them due to some bad past experience, and/or I feel it's more destructive to me to continue to engage than it is to simply draw a line and get myself stabilized again. While I can feel that most of it's "their problem," I'm willing to accept that some of it is due to things I need to get over as well sometimes. That's just life.

    Typically, even with the small number of people I have on Ignore, I allow myself to View their posts on topics of interest if I feel I'm capable of dealing that moment, and I've even had some one-on-one discussions with people I currently have on Ignore, and they've gone decently enough at times. One of my positive (and negative) tendencies is that I am an "open" person and have trouble drawing permanent boundaries between myself and another... so I'm typically willing to reengage, depending on context; Ignore is not necessarily the "kiss of death."

    So I'm not much for a universal argument for either Ignoring people or refusing to Ignore people. It's a situational thing, and varies from person to person and what they can deal with.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  4. #14
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I've never put anyone on ignore on this forum and I hope I never need to. I did do so on a different forum for a brief period of time. Reason being that he said a bunch of rude and insulting things not only to me but to a variety of forum members. Even though I had him on ignore, I was still curious to see what he said about stuff. Sometimes he would contribute valuable insights. Other times what he said was just a bunch of hogwash. Eventually my curiousity got the best of me and I removed him from my ignore list. It didn't really change my overall opinion about him though.

    I find that once I have a negative interaction with someone, it's very difficult but not impossible for me to undo the negative impression I will have of that person. Once someone has treated me wrong, my instinct is to avoid that person as much as possible. Even if the other person apologizes and feels genuinely sorry, I still don't feel all that comfortable interacting with that person. It takes me a long time to truly let go.
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  5. #15
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    I will drag type into it, because Jane Austen was most likely an INTJ, and I've observed this exacting attitude in them. I think it's silly. Like, they expect people to perfect and if they fall, then they're banished from the kingdom forever.

    I'm not saying ALL INTJs are like that (duh) but it tends to be an INTJ trait, in my observation.

    I don't have anyone on ignore, and most of the people you've seen me argue with on the site, I'm now pretty friendly with. People are people, and I don't expect them to be anything less.

    To the person who said I blame myself because I'm an NF....ha, ha, nope, no way...it's just, like I said, I expect people to be people, I'm a person and I do things...I don't see the world in black and white...I'll only totally cut a person off in very extreme circumstances, but it's not something as hoity-toity as "you've lost my good opinion!" Lulz. I give people chances. Most people deserve chances, or are acting temporarily out of hurt or other motives that aren't unforgivable or evil.

    Generally I'll protect myself, though, from someone truly damaging because that's only wise.

  6. #16
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    So I'm not much for a universal argument for either Ignoring people or refusing to Ignore people. It's a situational thing, and varies from person to person and what they can deal with.
    This. It's merely a personal choice. Healthy for some, unhealthy for others.
    Something Witty

  7. #17
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    I have placed a few people on ignore, but removed them usually within about 2 hours of doing so.
    I guess to me, personally I feel like I am censoring someone. I suppose I am projecting, again.
    To me I can just not read their posts, but to actually not see their words, whether I chose to read them or not, feels like I have denied their right to exist.

  8. #18
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    There are a few individuals on the vBulletin ignore list. There are also individuals on manual ignore. If there isn't a two-way respectful interaction of give and take, I see no purpose to reading their posts. And I sincerely detest manipulative individuals.

  9. #19
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    I think I've got one or two people on ignore here--so, I use the feature, but sparingly. It only happens when I feel that they've been insulting toward me, unprovoked, on more than a few occasions and I feel that they've got nothing significant to contribute.

    In general, when I give someone the boot--on here, in real life, or wherever--after a while, I'll typically give them another chance. Most of the time, I get burned again. I think a few cycles of that is enough for me to simply write them off for good; I may as well focus on my positive connections to people instead of the negative ones.


    For some reason, Facebook's different for me.. I hide pretty much everyone who doesn't have anything interesting to say so I don't have to wade through a lot of crap

  10. #20
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    There is a place for forgiveness. It is good and healthy to forgive.

    There is also a place for having boundaries. If someone wants to ignore you, they certainly have the right to.

    It is a consequence of your behavior. While you cannot please everyone, if you find that you are being ignored by a lot of people, you may want to examine your behavior and see if it is you that needs to change.

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