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Article on spanking your children

ArtlessFuture

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I stumbled across this article today Spanking Ups Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior - Mental Health Disorders on MedicineNet.com
about new research stating that spanking your kids may lead to deviant behavior later on. A quote from the article,
A meta-analysis of spanking studies conducted by Gershoff found 93 percent agreement among studies that spanking can lead to such problems as delinquent and anti-social behavior in childhood along with aggression, criminal and anti-social behavior and spousal or child abuse as an adult.
Thats a pretty impressive claim. What do you all think? I don't have children, but my brother-in-law and his wife spank their son who is only 16 months old. I personally think thats too young, but is spanking ok at any age???
 

Seanan

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I stumbled across this article today Spanking Ups Risky, Deviant Sexual Behavior - Mental Health Disorders on MedicineNet.com
about new research stating that spanking your kids may lead to deviant behavior later on. A quote from the article,
Thats a pretty impressive claim. What do you all think? I don't have children, but my brother-in-law and his wife spank their son who is only 16 months old. I personally think thats too young, but is spanking ok at any age???

Not with a ten-foot pole:shock: and I don't mean to spank them with.:)
 

scantilyclad

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I was never spanked as a child, and don't plan on using spanking as a way to punish my own child.
 

swordpath

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I was spanked growing up... I'm still not sure if I'd implement spanking as a way to discipline my child/children. I don't think I will.
 

Ivy

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I am personally not a fan of spanking at any age, but I'm not sure I think it alone is the cause of the problems described in the article. I'll bet there are other features that are shared by parents whose kids have those problems.
 

nemo

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I read the title of this post first, and then glanced over at OP's username and thought it was "AsslessFuture".

Needless to say, I'm disappointed.

Oh, and to add to the discussion: I was only spanked a couple of times growing up. I neither remember spanking nor the threat of being spanked to be any incentive to be good, and I don't think I would do that to a child, myself.
 

ArtlessFuture

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but I'm not sure I think it alone is the cause of the problems described in the article. I'll bet there are other features that are shared by parents whose kids have those problems.
I think youre right. Maybe parents who regularly spank their kids also have other undesirable qualities. Like for instance, my brother-in-law spanks his kid, and also does other things that i dont agree with, which could add to the little guy having problems later as well.
read the title of this post first, and then glanced over at OP's username and thought it was "AsslessFuture".
Yeah I have gotten that before hehe
 

Totenkindly

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First, I would very clearly defined "spanking" -- it covers a wide gamut of disciplinary measures, but of course if it's taken to mean " indiscriminately beating your child," I doubt anyone sane would support that.

I also didn't read the study in detail, but my first thought was, how do they know those behaviors stemmed from the spanking? (As others here have pointed out.)

IOW, are there other qualities common to parents who also indiscriminately spank their children that could have influenced the child in these sorts of undesirable directions?

I don't otherwise feel like getting into a spanking discussion. People usually have their minds made up and don't listen to each other, and the results become pretty and needlessly heated.
 

ArtlessFuture

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ah darn, I was hoping for some heated debate..well not really, just wanted a debate.
But yes, spanking is an inflammatory topic. They were going to make it outlawed in California (where I live) but I don't know if it happened.
 

cafe

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I think if the sixteen-month-old keeps trying to stick a slobbery finger in an outlet or keeps wriggling out of their car seat while you're driving down the road and you've already tried redirecting, rewards, and scolding, a stinging (not bruising) slap on a little fat thigh is not an unacceptable solution.
 

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I was spanked (as well as other unmentionable forms of punishment) as a child, and all it did was make me passive-aggressive and severely depressed. Once my parents started treating me like someone that can be reasoned with instead of punished every time I did something bad (sometimes, something "bad" wasn't very much at all, or even intentional), our relationship began to become healthy and happy.
 

Ivy

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I think if the sixteen-month-old keeps trying to stick a slobbery finger in an outlet or keeps wriggling out of their car seat while you're driving down the road and you've already tried redirecting, rewards, and scolding, a stinging (not bruising) slap on a little fat thigh is not an unacceptable solution.

I was going to say that IMO spanking is MORE acceptable for the younger toddlers than older kids, not less. They are more likely to connect the spanking to their actions instead of their motives, so they won't feel ashamed, which is what bothers me about spanking older kids.

At the same time, there's usually another way to do it without spanking- part of the reason I don't spank is because I was a nanny for many years before I was a mother, and I had to come up with ways to get kids to do what they're supposed to do without spanking them, so that was what I was used to. Outlet covers have saved my son's life many a time. :D
 

Lateralus

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I was going to say that IMO spanking is MORE acceptable for the younger toddlers than older kids, not less. They are more likely to connect the spanking to their actions instead of their motives, so they won't feel ashamed, which is what bothers me about spanking older kids.

At the same time, there's usually another way to do it without spanking- part of the reason I don't spank is because I was a nanny for many years before I was a mother, and I had to come up with ways to get kids to do what they're supposed to do without spanking them, so that was what I was used to. Outlet covers have saved my son's life many a time. :D
I could only see myself spanking a child under certain circumstances, ones where the behavior is very dangerous, like running in the street. And I agree that it's more acceptable at a younger age.
 

swordpath

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outlawed in California (where I live) but I don't know if it happened.
For it or not, that's a parent's call, but outlawing it statewide... That's some straight coyote BS right there.

Not at all surprised that California would waste it's time with such a stupid law though. I love Cali, don't get me wrong but the place is a little out there.
 

Ivy

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I could only see myself spanking a child under certain circumstances, ones where the behavior is very dangerous, like running in the street. And I agree that it's more acceptable at a younger age.

IMO running in the street is something that it is up to the parent of a very young child to prevent. If they make it to the street they're not being supervised well enough IMO. There's no sense in punishing a toddler for something they're really too young to be in charge of themselves. All in good time, my pretty. All in good time.
 

cafe

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I was going to say that IMO spanking is MORE acceptable for the younger toddlers than older kids, not less. They are more likely to connect the spanking to their actions instead of their motives, so they won't feel ashamed, which is what bothers me about spanking older kids.

At the same time, there's usually another way to do it without spanking- part of the reason I don't spank is because I was a nanny for many years before I was a mother, and I had to come up with ways to get kids to do what they're supposed to do without spanking them, so that was what I was used to. Outlet covers have saved my son's life many a time. :D
My daughter would go for the ones with things plugged into them. We had covers on the open ones. She was extremely determined. We would say no and redirect, say no and redirect, say no and redirect and she'd go right back to it every time, look us right in the eyes and do it again. Forget terrible twos. She started that at 9 months. If I'd been her nanny I would have quit.
 

Poser

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I was spanked when I was a child. I can't remember anything worse than when I was sent to my room to wait for it. I am a parent now and I also believe in spanking. But more importantly, I believe in finding whatever works for each kid and using that. Children have different personality types too. For instance, spankings never fazed our first born, so we had to find something else. However, just the threat of a spanking with our second born will stop anything. We always have and still do reserve spanking for defcon 5 situations though. And another rule was to always count to 20 first.
 

Wandering

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I think if the sixteen-month-old keeps trying to stick a slobbery finger in an outlet or keeps wriggling out of their car seat while you're driving down the road and you've already tried redirecting, rewards, and scolding, a stinging (not bruising) slap on a little fat thigh is not an unacceptable solution.
Agreed. When he was younger, my son would sometimes get into this defiant mode, where he would deliberately do what he knew he mustn't do. Sometimes he would even look at me while doing it, with a very clear message in his eyes: "Look, Mom, I'm doing what you forbade me from doing." Only one thing worked at those times: a couple of slaps on his nappy-covered bottom. He'd cry, not out of pain, but out of sheer frustration (I know, because I would actually miss sometimes, and he would cry anyway!), but we'd be straight about who's the boss around here, and believe it or not, but he actually liked that!

I haven't had to spank him in a while now, and I'm much more uncomfortable with doing it anyway, because he's not wearing any nappies anymore, so the slap would end up straight on his bum, which I feel would be increasingly inappropriate. Any slaps I feel like handing out are now aimed at the specific offending party: the hand that keeps getting too close to danger, the foot that won't stop kicking the wall, things like that. But mostly, it's the verbal communication (not necessarily of the patient kind, though) that's on the increase. Ultimately, my secret hope is that we can solve our conflicts through serious talking, my all-time favourite solution - and the one that
unfortunately can't often be applied to toddlers.

As for the article: I'm with others that the connection probably isn't between spanking and delinquent behaviours later in life, but between overall deficient parenting and deliquency, spanking being only the tip of the deficient parenting iceberg. IOW: it's probably not about spanking, but about the lack of communication, the lack of respect (from the parents towards the kids at first), and so on.
 

Ivy

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My daughter would go for the ones with things plugged into them. We had covers on the open ones. She was extremely determined. We would say no and redirect, say no and redirect, say no and redirect and she'd go right back to it every time, look us right in the eyes and do it again. Forget terrible twos. She started that at 9 months. If I'd been her nanny I would have quit.

Heh. I did have one like that who if he'd been mine I'd have spanked him, most likely. As it happened I just counted down the minutes until his mom picked him up. He was a SUPER sweet little guy with so much energy, he was just a limit tester and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Thing 2 is just now starting to deliberately test limits. He has always been a handful but for the most part he's been an oblivious handful- it really does just go in one ear and out the other, so he's not so much defiant as out to lunch. But now he's doing that look-you-in-the-eyes thing and upping the ante. It's like he's saying "Whatcha got to back up that 'no'?"
 
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First, I would very clearly defined "spanking" -- it covers a wide gamut of disciplinary measures, but of course if it's taken to mean " indiscriminately beating your child," I doubt anyone sane would support that.

I agree. There is a world of difference between a smack on the rear and an honest-to-goodness beating.

I was spanked as a child and were I to have children I would spank them as well. Despite enlightened (?) arguments to the contrary, I don't believe young children can be reasoned with like an adult. And I'd rather spank my child and ensure that they understand dangerous or unacceptable behavior than have something awful happen and be left with the cold comfort that at least I never spanked him. (I know that sounds overly dramatic, but I didn't know how else to say it.)
 
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