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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    That's kind of how I felt about it. I was not strong willed and it wasn't often that I was enough of a little ass to merit a spanking, but when I did, I did.

    (Like the time when I was playing in the neighbor's wading pool and my mom sent my stepbrother out to tell me to come in and I wouldn't, though she sent him out several times. It was getting ready to storm and mom was inside with the baby and I was old enough to know better, I just didn't want to stop playing. I got the switch all the way home for that one.)

    Normally though, my mom would spank, give me a little while to calm down, then hold me on her lap and explain why I couldn't do whatever it was I did and tell me how much she loved me and that would be the end of it.

    Now I will be the first to say that my mom is a nutcase in many, many ways, but IMO, she did a fantastic job with the discipline the majority of the time (she could have stood to be a little stricter with chores, etc). The instability in my childhood was somewhat traumatic, but the spankings? In my mind they really were a non-event and the few I remember I laugh about now.

    My grandma was overall, a more stable influence in my life and I miss her terribly, but no spanking I ever received from my mom was as damaging to my psyche as my grandma's shaming. I would gladly have taken a beating over that.
    Wow! that was a spooky experience!

    Happened to me too but I was in a lake.

    Spanking by anyone but Grandma was a non-event... totally irrelevant and forgetable.

    Grandma was sooo important.... she nicknamed me what I use here... but cutting and getting smacked by those switches were nothing compared to having dissapointed her. I miss her sooo much and owe so much of who I am to her... spankings included.

  2. #42
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    We have decided not to spank our kids (currently ages 2 months - 4 1/2 years). I don't impose this perspective and judgment on others, but for me, spanking my kids would be a resort to violence nearly equivalent to child abuse and caused by my own failure.
    This is how I feel about it for myself, but not because I think I was harmed by spanking (it was only done to me a handful of times, and always pretty sensitively, never in anger) or that I think other parents who spank are abusive or anything like that. For me, it's in large part because when I was a kid I took out a lot of my frustrations on my little sister. I know that siblings hitting each other is not very unusual, but when I got older it really weighed heavily on me. I felt like I had betrayed her. I don't want to look back on my kids' childhoods and feel like I betrayed them by spanking in anger. For me, I need to draw that line to feel like I'm doing right by my own kids.

    So basically it's all about me and how I feel.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    So basically it's all about me and how I feel.
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't

  4. #44
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't
    I don't understand- could you elaborate?
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  5. #45
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    I said I would keep my mouth shut but....

    The ones who do serious, serious, damage to children are those who think they have the right to sit in judgement to the point of convincing the kids that being spanked is the same as being abused. Kids, at a certain stage, are looking for any and everything to hold against their parents especially when they aren't getting what they want or have had to be disciplined.. (do you like getting a traffic ticket?)... so it serves to drive a wedge between parent and child. That relationship becomes damaged to the point where, when they most need a parent, they don't have one to go to. That leaves peer group (lotsa wisdom there) or the very same judgemental types who created the problem in the first place... the "know it alls".... real good advice there.

  6. #46
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    Wow! that was a spooky experience!

    Happened to me too but I was in a lake.

    Spanking by anyone but Grandma was a non-event... totally irrelevant and forgetable.

    Grandma was sooo important.... she nicknamed me what I use here... but cutting and getting smacked by those switches were nothing compared to having dissapointed her. I miss her sooo much and owe so much of who I am to her... spankings included.
    My grandma always threatened to use the yardstick on me, but I can't remember her ever actually spanking me. My first memory is being scolded by her, though.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #47
    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I don't understand- could you elaborate?
    Parents who spank are sometimes accused of putting their own feelings above their kids', as in "they just want to vent their anger", things like that. So I found it pretty ironic or something that you would admit to choosing to not spank because of your own feelings.

    Not sure I'm making any sense to you or anyone else, but it struck me as funny, in a "in the end, it's always about the parents' feelings" way.

  8. #48
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    Parents who spank are sometimes accused of putting their own feelings above their kids', as in "they just want to vent their anger", things like that. So I found it pretty ironic or something that you would admit to choosing to not spank because of your own feelings.

    Not sure I'm making any sense to you or anyone else, but it struck me as funny, in a "in the end, it's always about the parents' feelings" way.
    I'm still not sure I get it but it seemed like you might've been doing the eyeroll at me (as opposed to with me) which would've hurt my widdle feewings since I've been very careful not to pass judgment on parents who spank in this thread.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My grandma always threatened to use the yardstick on me, but I can't remember her ever actually spanking me. My first memory is being scolded by her, though.
    What are those things called... that light wood paddles with a rubbery string to which a rubber ball is attached? You bat the ball to see how long you can keep it up Anway, at 49, (nerves aren't as good by that time) I started raising three grandkids... 1, 2 and 4. By the time the one-year-old was 2, I seriously needed help! So I got one of those, took the string off, and wrote "Grandma's Helper" on it. I put it on the wall in a prominent place and, when they would all start acting up at the same time, I asked "Do I need me to get my HELPER?" Never had to.

  10. #50
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    This is how I feel about it for myself, but not because I think I was harmed by spanking (it was only done to me a handful of times, and always pretty sensitively, never in anger) or that I think other parents who spank are abusive or anything like that. For me, it's in large part because when I was a kid I took out a lot of my frustrations on my little sister. I know that siblings hitting each other is not very unusual, but when I got older it really weighed heavily on me. I felt like I had betrayed her. I don't want to look back on my kids' childhoods and feel like I betrayed them by spanking in anger. For me, I need to draw that line to feel like I'm doing right by my own kids.

    So basically it's all about me and how I feel.
    That makes sense. I think if something would really bother you as a parent, it's better for both you and your child not to do it. You have a lot of experience with kids and really, depending on the parent and the child, there are plenty of other effective means of discipline without spanking. The important thing to me is that children should not be abused, that they should be warm and fed and loved and taught to be kind and responsible. How it's done doesn't much matter and if it's getting done, then IMO, that's good parenting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Seanan View Post
    What are those things called... that light wood paddles with a rubbery string to which a rubber ball is attached? You bat the ball to see how long you can keep it up Anway, at 49, (nerves aren't as good by that time) I started raising three grandkids... 1, 2 and 4. By the time the one-year-old was 2, I seriously needed help! So I got one of those, took the string off, and wrote "Grandma's Helper" on it. I put it on the wall in a prominent place and, when they would all start acting up at the same time, I asked "Do I need me to get my HELPER?" Never had to.
    Oh jeesh! My mom used to use those dang things on me! And I was stupid enough to ask for them at the store. I don't know if I ever learned. :yim_rolling_on_the_
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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