Still, I hope that in your pursuit of always being on guard for something wrong to happen that you don't inadvertently cause something to happen in order to justify your fears
This is something I've noticed in a lot of ESTP women (and possibly the men too, I dunno): They've usually have gone and done so any things in their lives that, as they get older, they walk around with this great big bag of guilt for the mistakes they've made and the people they hurt and that sucks. I'm sure, much like my ESTP lady friends in real life, that you've done your time and that holding on to this guilt and shame is needless.
You're a much stronger and better person than you were back then. You'll be fine