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  1. #11
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Two people I know once said they thought so. They said that anything not conducive to that was negative. Basically, they thought that having good social skills, being a major part of things, and coming across well to people in general was the main point of life. They implied that people who can't be sensitive to style and context (and tend to notice content/detail instead) are basically screwed up, and have no place in society until they learn to conceal this by undergoing psychological treatment.

    I personally disagree with that...
    Hmmm. So do I, actually.

    (And I don't think that is what actually got said either, if I get a voice in this.)

    Human beings by nature are social animals.
    We learn language from others.
    We are raised by others, we are not independent from birth.
    We instinctively develop cultures.
    And so on.

    Just your participation in this forum suggests that you need SOME sort of social connection to thrive. Otherwise you wouldn't be here.

    So I don't think one can deny that, by nature, human beings are at least in great part social creatures... even if some of us are more social than others.

    Being over-social is bad to one's health. It could suggest dependency, for example, on what others think... as well as the inability to have a private independent stable core.

    Being under-social is also bad for one's health. It could suggest fear and self-protectiveness, for example -- blocking people out not because of a natural state of being fairly independent, and I really WOULD wager that people who routinely block out others ARE doing it out of protectiveness and NOT because it's their best or most natural state.

    But can you be satisfied by having maybe a job, a smaller circle of friends, and still spend most of your time involved in less demanding activities/arenas, where such things aren't expected to a significant degree? I don't see why not.
    I don't either. What matter is why you do those things. If you're doing them as part of a protective cycle (or socializing out of a dependent cycle), then they aren't the healthiest.

    What annoyed me most was the implication that this was "the right way" and that everything else was "the wrong way." They didn't even try to explain it, just stated it as if it were undeniable.
    If you really want to understand better, then go ahead and start studying some basic psych textbooks. This isn't rocket science; this is pretty basic psych study stuff... especially when it comes to human actualization.

    IOW, in terms of what actually was discussed, it's like someone saying, "It's bad for your health if you don't bandage that cut!" compared to your just letting it bleed out without fixing anything, and your saying, "It's not fair, why do YOU always think your way is right?"

    In any case, based on how you painted it, I would not agree with the ideas expressed in your opening paragraph either.
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  2. #12
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    Basically, they thought that having good social skills, being a major part of things, and coming across well to people in general was the main point of life. They implied that people who can't be sensitive to style and context (and tend to notice content/detail instead) are basically screwed up, and have no place in society until they learn to conceal this by undergoing psychological treatment.

    How judgemental, ingnorant and screwed up is that!?

    Try telling that to any author or artist who spends 90% of their waking hours alone. Or tell it to the Einsteins of the world or philosophers. Geez, we wouldn't have Western technology were it not for these folks who need "psychological treatment."

    I'm thinking they had to have been pulling your leg or have some personal agenda... do they reproduce?

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    I agree with you 100 percent. Since when were social skills the biggest necessity? I think following your own dreams is far more important.
    I don't think the discussion was ever about "following one's dreams" -- which is a goal that just about everyone here would support.

    It was more about whether there are certain ways to interact with others that are more healthy and lead to the possibility for more actualization/contentment than other ways.

    Most of this thread seems to be about misdirection, if anything.

    Bottom line: No one's required to change anything they don't want to, if they're willing to live with the consequences.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I agree that everyone needs different levels of interaction with people, I find that if I hang out with someone once in a while I'm fine but if I spend to much time or to many people I get depressed exhausted and need to be alone but if I spent time alone for weeks I also feel depressed. So on athenian's scale 2 is the best for me. I really hate when people tell me I need help or someone else does or assume we're depressed because we aren't always busy or don't have many friends. As long as you can function in society and can take care of yourself who cares how you approach life.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #15
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Two people I know once said they thought so. They said that anything not conducive to that was negative. Basically, they thought that having good social skills, being a major part of things, and coming across well to people in general was the main point of life. They implied that people who can't be sensitive to style and context (and tend to notice content/detail instead) are basically screwed up, and have no place in society until they learn to conceal this by undergoing psychological treatment.
    Perhaps they were both ESFJ's? It seems like this sort of thing could validly be the main point in their life, but they didn't realize that wouldn't apply to nearly everyone else.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze
    There is a difference between being on your own wave length, being more naturally retiring and not needing a lot of social stimulation -- and being a paranoid delusional recluse. It's all about gradations.
    etc...
    Dammit CzeCze why do you keep posting stuff that I agree with, while putting it so well and beating me to the punch? It's getting to the point where my response in every thread should be, "I'll take CzeCze for teh win!"
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  6. #16
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Yeah, I disagree. There're a lot of theories floating around about what the purpose of life is. In most cases, I think the common denominator is a peaceful, satisfying life -- one that makes the question of "what my purpose in life?" disappear. Question satisfied, though maybe not answered.

    The path to a peaceful life depends on the person and their needs. I'm not convinced that people need anyone around to be at peace. I think most of the time, one's state of mind depends on how judgmental and critical they are, vs. how accepting of "faults" they are. I would refrain from any type of absolute prescriptions when it comes to others leading a good life.

    But regardless, to say that life has any meaning at all, is something that needs justification, even if it's just "being happy." I'm skeptical.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    i have found that i am happiest when i can identify and accept reality, then enjoy the appreciable aspects of it.

    the longer you ignore reality, the harder it's going to slap you in the face eventually.

    when it comes to me and society, the reality is that im fairly peculiar, and i dont expect myself to "fit in" to the norm. i do make an effort to relate myself to whatever and whomever i am interacting with as best i can. although i am many things, a social juggernaut is not one of them... that's just how it is, insert previous sentence about ignoring reality here.

    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    they thought that having good social skills, being a major part of things, and coming across well to people in general was the main point of life...

    ...They didn't even try to explain it, just stated it as if it were undeniable.
    my advice here is to try to see reality as clearly as you can and come to terms with it regardless of what it implies. other people will often suggest their own reality, but the reality with that is that what other people suggest to be true really has no bearing on what is. allow them to convince you otherwise with supporting evidence, sure, but the suggestion alone is worthless.

    it's often difficult for people to not be lead astray by false confidence and the power of suggestion... dont be one of those people!

  8. #18
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    other people will often suggest their own reality, but the reality with that is that what other people suggest to be true really has no bearing on what is.

    So, so, true.

  9. #19
    Senior Member millerm277's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    They implied that people who can't be sensitive to style and context (and tend to notice content/detail instead) are basically screwed up, and have no place in society until they learn to conceal this by undergoing psychological treatment.
    Well, I am almost very much like that (not very sensitive to style/context), and most people don't seem to think I'm insane, and I definitely don't hide it.

    I personally disagree with that. Can you really get by being completely anti-social and withdrawn all of the time? Okay, probably not. But can you be satisfied by having maybe a job, a smaller circle of friends, and still spend most of your time involved in less demanding activities/arenas, where such things aren't expected to a significant degree? I don't see why not.
    You sound to be on the right track to me.

    So, does anyone else feel this way, that this is the only "right way" to be? Or are there other ways of living reasonable for human beings?
    I completely disagree with it. The right way of living is whichever way you enjoy. (assuming it isn't hurting others, if you like to kill people, that still isn't right)
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