User Tag List

First 31112131415 Last

Results 121 to 130 of 161

  1. #121
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,570

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    Walls are protection and in many cases because introverts dont have time to let everyone in. Its simply a mechanism that most introverts use to keep your energy levels balanced. Cogniive processes have very little to do with behavior. And reasons why one chooses to keep a tighter grip on their walls compared to other is based on experience or how you have chosen to relate to the world. Do some traits become more obvious in different types, sure. I see things I do in anything written here. Particularly by INTJs.

    We choose to let people in, not types. I had a long thing going with an ENFP and she got closer to me than anyone else did. Even more than the ENFJ I knew before, who according to theory should be able to break it down much easier. And should be my romantic "soulmate".

    Maybe Im an INTJ /sarcasm
    poor things. do you INTs know anything about the protection other people have to use just to have you in our lives? you require so much goddamn patience, hand-holding and coddling just to get near you.

    whew! got that out of my system. nothing personal to any of the posters as i'm deeply grateful for your insights. i'm just feeling frustrated because, while intimacy comes natural to people like me (generally speaking, i.e., ENFPs), we we need protection, too, otherwise we'd be spent. most people get the surface intimacy. it is genuine but nowhere near what i think we're capable of offering, reciprocating.

    and therein lies the problem: i feel most stimulated, most engaged, and able to be most authentic around INTs. so is it a contest to see who can let their guard down first?


    (parenthetically, we've spoken of the soft, creamy INTJ core. what's the ENFPs? )
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  2. #122
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,715

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    i guess i see those walls very clearly because the INTJs obvious tendency to squirm when i try to explore what's underneath the scales. i find the word-smithing, smoke and mirrors, semantic acrobatics that ensue really interesting. the particularly slippery ones hide their creamy Cadbury core extremely well. but it's there, in my INTJs case i'm just frustrated and irritated that he kept me around as long as he did, never having a true intention of letting me in.

    or so i suspect. i stopped dating someone who won an Oscar the other night to date this guy. i had to choose, and i chose the fucking reptilian. oh well!
    Oh frightening. This is what my ENFJ calls it verbatim.

    I think of it like the Magic Shell ice cream stuff. But they're both the same idea. I don't know that I want to be known and accepted. I do want to be understood and I want to understand people but sometimes I think that's just impossible. I'll settle for them making sense but even that's a lot to ask sometimes.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #123
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    627

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    the particularly slippery ones hide their creamy Cadbury core extremely well.
    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I think of it like the Magic Shell ice cream stuff.
    Damn it, I'm hungry now. Why all the food analogies??
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Ego Reparate; Ob Me Non Deficiat.
    INTJ - RCOEI - sx/sp/so - Tritype: 683 (6w5-8w9-3w4) - True Neutral
    "Yeah, wisdom always chooses/These black eyes and these bruises"
    "Over the heartache that they say/Never completely goes away..."

  4. #124
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,570

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I'll settle for them making sense but even that's a lot to ask sometimes.
    but the challenge i find is that, the more frightened an INT is, the more obstacles they throw in the way to understanding them, and therefore making sense to one another. i can make a lot of sense when i am presented with coherent data. INTs are often slippery and don't want to *seem* coherent. my question is: are you really looking for someone to unravel the semantic puzzles? or you just throw them out there when dealing with people against whom you want to protect yourself?

    perhaps it comes down to what Cascadeco said:
    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    "I treat trust in the person, and trust in the relationship/dynamic, as two separate things. So if I think the person is fine and dandy, but I don't trust in Them+Me, then I won't be open. It's the Them+Me that might often take longer to figure out. And, if Them+Me is a dynamic I don't care for, then I won't build on the relationship. Tied to this, pacing comes into play. I want to have a good idea of who the other person is - and have a longer lens than just a few days or weeks - before really opening up. Consistency is *extremely* important to me. Consistency of thought and action (and if they're inconsistent, then their inconsistency is a Consistent ). This takes Time to see. To see them in the context of a bigger picture, a longer timeframe, to see dips/fluctuations, etc."
    that makes a lot of sense. really not how i go about weeding people out, but i do get it.

    no wonder so many INTs i know like role playing games. getting to their hearts is like a level 60 in WOW.
    Last edited by AgentF; 03-01-2011 at 07:38 PM. Reason: ugh
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  5. #125
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4
    Socionics
    INFp
    Posts
    3,403

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post

    i'm just feeling frustrated because, while intimacy comes natural to people like me (generally speaking, i.e., ENFPs), we we need protection, too, otherwise we'd be spent. most people get the surface intimacy. it is genuine but nowhere near what i think we're capable of offering, reciprocating.

    and therein lies the problem: i feel most stimulated, most engaged, and able to be most authentic around INTs. so is it a contest to see who can let their guard down first?
    Looks like I might have to change my views since I receive very little proper feedback from NFs. Your feeling frustrated ha. Wonders does intimacy come natural to ENFs and INFs in general and unnatural to ENTs and INTs in general or gender specific?

  6. #126
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    poor things. do you INTs know anything about the protection other people have to use just to have you in our lives? you require so much goddamn patience, hand-holding and coddling just to get near you.

    whew! got that out of my system. nothing personal to any of the posters as i'm deeply grateful for your insights. i'm just feeling frustrated because, while intimacy comes natural to people like me (generally speaking, i.e., ENFPs), we we need protection, too, otherwise we'd be spent. most people get the surface intimacy. it is genuine but nowhere near what i think we're capable of offering, reciprocating.

    and therein lies the problem: i feel most stimulated, most engaged, and able to be most authentic around INTs. so is it a contest to see who can let their guard down first?


    (parenthetically, we've spoken of the soft, creamy INTJ core. what's the ENFPs? )
    Dont call us poor things, we do these tactics on our own free will. And all people have walls, its what makes the world a great place. You get to pick the brains of people.

    But as I said people have many reasons beyond being an introvert to use walls as emotional/psychological protection. The level of intimacy I let people have with me can be quite fluid. Its the realization that I have a certain amount of emotional energy I wish to spend on people. So I use it on those that seem to help me develope most. I dont consider this practice exclusive to one type though. Even extroverts do the exact same thing. Its just what life teaches us.

    The letting your guard down should be done mutually in dating. That doesnt mean I cant enjoy it when women let loose and have fun. I need that and I need to talk about things, sharing ideas, kicking back/joking/flirting and so on. But I need to know you a bit longer than most other guys before I let you in completely. But this is also case by case and how the situation is between us.

    Personally I dont like it when women shower me with personal info too soon, and there is a promise of things to come that is not kept. It confuses me too much actually. If I sense there are other guys in play I am more likely to retreat than keep fighting if I sense you are not worth it. Im not going to let you play and manipulate with me. It makes me feel you dont really respect me. Id much rather be alone than fighting a cause Im unlikely to win.

    EDIT: When Im not sure what to do with an interest I will keep my involvement in her on a minimum until Ive figured out if this is worth the involvement. And yes Ill be the most slippery guy you can find. Its a terrible habit and I find it unproductive, but I do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Oh frightening. This is what my ENFJ calls it verbatim.

    I think of it like the Magic Shell ice cream stuff. But they're both the same idea. I don't know that I want to be known and accepted. I do want to be understood and I want to understand people but sometimes I think that's just impossible. I'll settle for them making sense but even that's a lot to ask sometimes.
    @bolded: good point.
    Last edited by slowriot; 03-01-2011 at 08:56 PM. Reason: took away the contest line as it was adqauately explained in above paragraph. And the edited paragraph

  7. #127
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    901

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    poor things. do you INTs know anything about the protection other people have to use just to have you in our lives? you require so much goddamn patience, hand-holding and coddling just to get near you.

    whew! got that out of my system. nothing personal to any of the posters as i'm deeply grateful for your insights. i'm just feeling frustrated because, while intimacy comes natural to people like me (generally speaking, i.e., ENFPs), we we need protection, too, otherwise we'd be spent. most people get the surface intimacy. it is genuine but nowhere near what i think we're capable of offering, reciprocating.

    and therein lies the problem: i feel most stimulated, most engaged, and able to be most authentic around INTs. so is it a contest to see who can let their guard down first?


    (parenthetically, we've spoken of the soft, creamy INTJ core. what's the ENFPs? )
    I am not entirely sure I am an I, although it seems the most likely, but I need to gather more information to be sure, but at least for me, all a person has to do to get near me, is to show a genuine interest in who I am, the good and the bad, and then most of all, what helps break down whats left of my walls after that, is for them to show that they trust me, that they can open up to me too... I am not a T, but I seem to have a lot in common with many T's ive been talking with, and I am curious to see if some are similar to me in this respect, that is why im posting this,lol. (its really funny when I try to let the walls down prematurely to get outside my comfort zone, im usually so nervous/scared about it, that I end up coming off kinda crazy! lol)

  8. #128
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,570

    Default

    I
    Quote Originally Posted by Curator View Post
    at least for me, all a person has to do to get near me, is to show a genuine interest in who I am, the good and the bad, and then most of all, what helps break down whats left of my walls after that, is for them to show that they trust me, that they can open up to me
    my dear man, there is simply no way i believe you're an NT! <3

    anyway, i don't think most INTs give a rat's ass if anyone shows genuine interest in them. some might file it away + put you in the "Maybe" chum bucket.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


    7w6 ❣ sx/so ❤ physical touch ❥ sanguine 70%, choleric 30% ❦

    Johari.

  9. #129
    Another awesome member. Curator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    MBTI
    eNFP
    Enneagram
    9
    Posts
    901

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    I

    my dear man, there is simply no way i believe you're an NT! <3

    anyway, i don't think most INTs give a rat's ass if anyone shows genuine interest in them. some might file it away + put you in the "Maybe" chum bucket.
    haha, no, I know im not a T, as I said above, I am just curious to see how their opinions on this compare to mine, and having mine solidly written down keeps the possibility of me altering it subconsciously whilst doing a comparison to future responses in your thread Ive been known to don a TJ costume at times to deal with severe conflicts however,lol... Ive cut down on that lately however.

  10. #130
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,557

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    how would you react if someone you like/respect (or have told you do ) were to tell you he/she sees through those tactics and finds it hard to have a friendship as a result? not in a rude or judgmental way, just matter of fact?
    As I mentioned, I tend not to do this to people with whom I have an ongoing relationship of any substance. If I did, however, it would be for good reasons, and I would have already accounted for the possibility that I might be held to account for it (the "worst case scenario" idea). If it really is someone I respect or care about, I will level with them and explain why I played my informational cards as I did. If it is someone else, I will find some way to deflect or defuse the situation. I can almost always find a way in which they have not been entirely candid, and put them on the defensive by focusing on that.

    You asked later about being known and accepted. This is important to me, but only in reference to those few people closest to me, like my SO, or best friend. These people took months, even years, to earn my trust and respect such that I am willing to let them see parts of me that are hidden from pretty much everyone else. I read a quote somewhere that people put up walls not just to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through them. There is an element of truth to this that echoes one of Curator's remarks: namely that I will not share my inner space with someone who is not genuinely interested in sharing it, and can be trusted with the contents.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] The dark side of ENFPs
    By FinalFrontier89 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 05-05-2017, 09:06 PM
  2. The dark side of modesty/tact.
    By Fluffywolf in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 79
    Last Post: 02-20-2011, 01:19 PM
  3. Cults! - Fear of the 'dark sides' of religion
    By Ming in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-14-2010, 09:56 AM
  4. [MBTItm] The dark side of getting along very well with everyone
    By SilkRoad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 02-10-2010, 05:48 PM
  5. [ENFP] ENFPs: The dark side of seeing potential
    By BlueScreen in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 08-03-2009, 10:22 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO