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  1. #111
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Yes, but its a double edged sword, ask a dumb question in the wrong way whilst demanding a kind of respect that we don't view that action to represent will puzzle us and can be distasteful.
    Harsh, hahah, so if someone is being silly and asks a question that is in a humourous tone and doesn't make sense to the INTJ would that be seen as dumb and then respect would fly out the window and wouldn't take the person seriously next time as the reference of the initial statements?

  2. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Harsh, hahah, so if someone is being silly and asks a question that is in a humourous tone and doesn't make sense to the INTJ would that be seen as dumb and then respect would fly out the window for taking the person more seriously next time as the reference of the initial statements?
    There is a time for serious and a time for silly - of course.

  3. #113
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    To quantify that "walls" analogy, I'd liken the INFJ/INTJ defense mechanism to a type of armor. We wear it wherever we go, we don't ever take it off unless we are certain beyond a doubt that we would be safe if we did. That's why it's very bad to betray our trust in a relationship, friends or romantic. We'll just armor back up again, make the part of us that we got hurt more reinforced and insulated against "attack", and get the hell away from whatever it was that we thought we could take our armor off near.

    I've always viewed the world as a minefield, to be traversed with caution-- one false step, action, or word can cause a person to go off on you or mess up progress that you've made with them (if you're like me and can't help but try to repair people). Keep that armor up, you'll be safe if that happens. We do, like Jim said, wear it on our sleeves, but it's sort of overlooked by most people who attempt to get in touch with us, seeing as it's passive and not loud, and we hide behind it almost always.

    At least that's my look on it. The other INTJs might disagree.
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  4. #114
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    There is a time for serious and a time for silly - of course.
    Was intrigued, thanks for the clarification.

  5. #115
    Senior Member ScorpioINTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    this is fascinating.

    do you think INTJs hope or wish to be "known and accepted" then?
    I have not read every response, but I think INTx's want to be known and accepted by those in their inner circle for sure. I find it exhausting and tedious sometimes getting to these levels with new people, whom you don't know if you fully trust or want to invest your time in yet. It can get frustrating when you date people and they don't "get you". You feel like you wasted your time sometimes when it doesn't work out.
    Type 6w5 sp/so/sx I think..I have not fully explored this and just discovered it.

  6. #116
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    We do, like Jim said, wear it on our sleeves, but it's sort of overlooked by most people who attempt to get in touch with us, seeing as it's passive and not loud, and we hide behind it almost always.
    i guess i see those walls very clearly because the INTJs obvious tendency to squirm when i try to explore what's underneath the scales. i find the word-smithing, smoke and mirrors, semantic acrobatics that ensue really interesting. the particularly slippery ones hide their creamy Cadbury core extremely well. but it's there, in my INTJs case i'm just frustrated and irritated that he kept me around as long as he did, never having a true intention of letting me in.

    or so i suspect. i stopped dating someone who won an Oscar the other night to date this guy. i had to choose, and i chose the fucking reptilian. oh well!
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  7. #117
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Thanks, it is interesting to read the insight. Does that mean privacy is really important, as well as trust, integrity and safety before sharing part of the inner world?
    I'm hesitant to say privacy is 'really important', only because with the trust established, I may be very open with few walls. But yes, in the majority of everyday interactions with people, I'd probably be considered private - and that's because I'm not fostering relationships with most.

    I also think it's important to make it clear that I treat trust in the person, and trust in the relationship/dynamic, as two separate things. So if I think the person is fine and dandy, but I don't trust in Them+Me, then I won't be open. It's the Them+Me that might often take longer to figure out. And, if Them+Me is a dynamic I don't care for, then I won't build on the relationship. Tied to this, pacing comes into play. I want to have a good idea of who the other person is - and have a longer lens than just a few days or weeks - before really opening up. Consistency is *extremely* important to me. Consistency of thought and action (and if they're inconsistent, then their inconsistency is a Consistent ). This takes Time to see. To see them in the context of a bigger picture, a longer timeframe, to see dips/fluctuations, etc.

    Basically, if I start opening up and lowering walls, it's *indicative* of my starting to invest in the relationship. Outer actions following inner intent. I decide, then act. What I don't do is act, play around, and then decide later on. I'm a very serious person, lol. This is what I meant by my being preventative rather than reactive -- I'm going to do a lot more 'work'/weighing up front, rather than just diving in and later on deciding it wasn't a good idea. This is also what I meant about my trying to control/account for everything -- it's really just knowing to the best of my ability what the relationship is going to be and whether we're both generally wanting the same thing out of it, prior to my going in. It's also why relationships can be a thorn - as certain elements of them really don't work this way, and by nature need to be more fluid.
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  8. #118
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    Walls are protection and in many cases because introverts dont have time to let everyone in. Its simply a mechanism that most introverts use to keep your energy levels balanced. Cogniive processes have very little to do with behavior. And reasons why one chooses to keep a tighter grip on their walls compared to other is based on experience or how you have chosen to relate to the world. Do some traits become more obvious in different types, sure. I see things I do in a lot written here. Particularly by INTJs.

    We choose to let people in, not types. I had a long thing going with an ENFP and she got closer to me than anyone else did. Even more than the ENFJ I knew before, who according to theory should be able to break it down much easier. And should be my romantic "soulmate".

    Maybe Im an INTJ /sarcasm

  9. #119
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Harsh, hahah, so if someone is being silly and asks a question that is in a humourous tone and doesn't make sense to the INTJ would that be seen as dumb and then respect would fly out the window and wouldn't take the person seriously next time as the reference of the initial statements?
    If that was the case, they'd not be so vulnerable to our kind...in fact, it's often coz we don't seem to make sense...at first glance, and are being silly, while often somehow still coming to the same conclusions as the INTJ, or showing them a different aspect of that same conclusion that draws them into our web...

    @Jim

    Actual repeated silliness, without showing any capacity of actually being able to follow logic does get that response though, from what I've seen so far.
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  10. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    What I don't do is act, play around, and then decide later on. I'm a very serious person, lol. just diving in and later on deciding it wasn't a good idea.
    Strangely I do that and I'm a very serious person. I can tell how peoples energies are and rarely need to determine intent, I just feel like diving in and saying stuff. In hindsight this has caused me problems, the classic was with an ISTJ ages ago, shock value that someone can be candid and forthright. hahah.

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