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  1. #51
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    This could be an SFJ thing, but given how few SFJs are on this forum and the incidence of this kind of exchange, it can't be just the SFJs who're doing it.

    Jae Rae
    Sorry Jae Rae, I didn't mean to be insulting given that I may very well be an SFJ myself. I was trying to make a point in the stereotypical world of MBTI where depth and sincerity of feeling and intellectualism lay in the province of intuitives. Doesn't make it right though.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #52
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    This could be an SFJ thing, but given how few SFJs are on this forum and the incidence of this kind of exchange, it can't be just the SFJs who're doing it.


    Jae Rae
    No, but that kind of thing is infectious, because it sets new standards and norms for interacting. Also, who knows how many people here are mistyped sensors.

  3. #53
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    ... Also, who knows how many people here are mistyped sensors.
    Edahn <-- goes where sane people fear to tread
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #54
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    No, but that kind of thing is infectious, because it sets new standards and norms for interacting. Also, who knows how many people here are mistyped sensors.
    True- there are probably a lot of sensors here in N clothing (something I frequently suspect). It is, however, not polite to tell someone that they are a sensor when they are an intuitive, since nobody wants to be a sensor

    In general- accusing someone of being a sensor is a good way to provoke an argument on this forum!
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #55
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Sorry Jae Rae, I didn't mean to be insulting given that I may very well be an SFJ myself. I was trying to make a point in the stereotypical world of MBTI where depth and sincerity of feeling and intellectualism lay in the province of intuitives. Doesn't make it right though.
    No offense taken.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  6. #56
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Why do you think people respond with you're so great ?
    There's another forum I'm on where this sort of thing constitutes about 90&#37; of all replies (needless to say, I don't fit in there particularly well, heh).

    Out of curiousity, those who respond with you're sooo great - do you actually feel that? I have occasionally posted hugs in people's blogs on another forum but it's out of genuine emotional reaction to what's going on in their lives (it's rare for me to do that, though - I normally PM instead if I'm worried about them).

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    Strategic alliances between people are also a part of forum culture There's always a lot of "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" going on between people- responding to posts by people who respond to your posts, repping people who rep you, supporting those who are supportive of you...
    Does that feel shallow though? I'd much rather someone responded to one of my posts because they disagreed with something I wrote, or could expand on something that I'd written. Knowing that someone replied only because I'd replied to one of their posts would feel pretty meaningless to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I have friendships that mean a lot to me.. one of the reasons is that we do not scratch eachother's back, we do not make public displays of affection or recognition, but in private deeply appreciate one another and have a high quality friendship due to what is given and received. The other type.. I have absolutely no desire for.
    I hate doing 'me too' posts, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. I have several close friends on MBTIc, but those connections are not going to be particularly visible to others for the reasons you mention.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Alliances form when members with lots of reputation "gift" n00bs or older members with a high rep. I think it forces, or rather creates unspoken reciprocity agreements between members forming an alliance.
    Reciprocity is a two-way thing. I can pretty much guarantee that I won't be forming alliances from being given random rep points or :hugs:.

    So, for people who feel like they have to reciprocate or become part of an alliance because someone has given them rep points, or got a hug in a blog - why? Is it that having a shallow 'friendship' is better than none? Would you really choose not to disagree with someone you have an alliance with, just because of that alliance? *slightly baffled*

  7. #57
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    story on gift giving officials in China
    That's an interesting anecdote and I think what it alludes to in business would fall under the 'high context' society where you have to set up a level of camraderie or socializing as a prerequisite to doing business. Actually just needing to bring in one gift is not really a marker of such a business atmosphere but the real deal involves a lot of stuff considered extraneous by American standards. But even in American business there is a lot of schmoozing, networking, under the table and backroom deals and unspoken rules and hierarchies.

    But if you change the situation to a housewarming or just a regular dinner at a friends, it's expected to bring a gift to the former and good form if you bring something to the latter. Doesn't have to be expensive, but typically wine or a 'hostess', meal, or house related (context specific) gift. And while you're there, to be a reasonably well-behaved guest.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with these things per sae. Society is made up of a bunch of strangers and symbolic acts show an acknowledgment and awareness of people, their efforts, and the dynamics of a situation as well as goodwill. Maybe it's hardwired into us from caveman days where you had to show a bit of sacrifice to prove you weren't dangerous and willing to work in a group to survive.

    While I understand the need for balance and healthy skepticism towards customs (even if in a pointless Seinfeld way), not following or rather not understanding customs and local mores means you will not integrate as well into (that) society.

    As for the pointlessly gladhanding of 'woe is me' posts -- sometimes people just want empathy not solutions. This is so funny because it reminds me of 'Men are from Jupiter, Women are from Mercury' or whatever it's called that talked about different communication styles. And empathy is not just in the warm fuzzy NF sense either.

    I see a lot of cynical or type bashing posts and the poster obviously wants validation and other people to say, "Yeah you're right, type XXXX really does suck! I hate them too! We're perfect and they're messed up" The more type bashing threads I've read are generally by NTs bashing sensors, NFs, or SFs but it's the same concept at play of looking for empathy/validation and more-over ingroup/outgroup distinctions.

    I just think it's funny how it's the overly warm-fuzzy posts that consistently get the most vocal criticism as dangerous for forum life. I think that points to an NT bias in the forum and also the view that warm-fuzzies are fake and therefore sinister -- whereas the nature of bashing posts are open in their hostility or irreverence (not to mention more natural for an NT than a warm fuzzy one) and destructive nature. Though I also argue that a lot of bashing posts are actually not that open and are usually thinly veiled.

    And at least some of the views on forum life depend a lot on your views of RL dynamics and convention and how well you adhere to or criticize them. Whether forum life should follow RL or if online communities are meant to 'transcend' it.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  8. #58
    Senior Member Anonymous's Avatar
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    I've been all over different forums since I was 11, but the only one that I've really gotten absorbed into (making friendships with other members) is INTPc. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to read the entire thread, so I'll just say a few things that I've noticed.

    1. Culture is largely made up by the theme of the forum and the administration. This is the case because the theme of the forum is mostly going to attract certain type of people (i.e. a psychology forum probably won't get 40 year old men who's only love in life is drinking beer and watching football), and the administration is going to filter out what kind of people stick around. Say, if you go to a forum where the administration is extremely strict and moderation is very heavy handed, you're more likely going to get people who are used to a lot of structure in their lives, as people who like more liberal settings probably won't be comfortable.

    2. Pack-leaders and anti-pack members seem to keep forums charged with emotional energy. Pack leaders are the big shots. There's something about them which is very attractive to the general user base. They don't necessarily need to have any friends, but they always seem to have very opinionated posts and know how to debate. They don't have to be rational about their debating at all. In fact, in a gaming forum, someone who is very good at wielding ad hominom is most likely going to be the most liked in debates. Now anti-pack members are those people who no one likes. They're the ones who make you wonder why the hell they stick around. Members tend to end up being openly hostile towards them, and this makes the members invest emotional energy into the forum, even though it's negative. If one of these member is banned, there might be a lot of negative energy that suddenly has nothing to center on, and this is dealt with conditionally.

    These are really the only major trends that I've noticed universally. A lot of other elements are dependent on the culture and user base.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Why do you think people respond with you're so great ? I'm thinking either:
    I see a lot of these posts as quick easy posts that anyone can make. (sort of like "noobs, chit chat, you suck" in the earlier post of mine.) In this case, many people may want to say something more comforting and/or useful, but won't think of something really good to say, so either they don't post, or write a simple hug post. The people who do naturally post the smiley hugs will just do so anyway, as there is nothing that gets in the way of doing so.

  10. #60
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    Giving reputation isn't always scratching a back! This is what bothers me--everyone else's pointless reputation makes my (intended to be) meaningful reputation get lost like a needle in a haystack.

    I would love to get a nice reputation comment from you if I inspire you.. inspiring others here and there is surprising to me and it makes me feel like I'm really a part of the forum.

    Dig?
    So, perhaps the "rep" system has become a sort of currency. Those with a lot, are like investment banks, encouraging new members to spend a little of their currency to buy a long term benefit...

    Others are using "rep" to barter for friendships, for influence, for clique-forming, and subsets within a wider crowd.

    Some, use it just to give feedback on something they enjoyed reading and want to mark that fact.

    Interesting, isnt it?

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