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Thread: The art of having conversations

  1. #31
    Senior Member Array alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Nov 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by TheBeatGoesOn View Post
    Thanks for laughs!

  2. #32
    eating bugs out of hair. Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Jun 2007


    I suck at conversation that and I sometimes get the urge to lick who ever I'm talking to. I have yet to lick a stranger though if you're my friend and have been for awhile probably have been licked. Just like in my highschool circle of friends if we haven't made out drunkenly it's only a matter of time. My mind wanders and most stuff people want to talk about I have no opinion on.

    ooh and I have yet to thoroughly read this thread though I've read bits and pieces.
    by @magpie

  3. #33


    For me, I can fully dive in and give a massive amount of focus and energy to any conversation as long as the other people can match me. If they can't, not only will I become bored, but my mind will start screaming at me that I'm doing something illogical, which to me is basically like cutting myself and then pouring salt in the wounds.

    I hate the idea of just automatically putting the other person first, asking questions, listening, and trying to understand. (Unless they need help, but that's different, because you're both entering the conversation with an understanding that it's NOT for mutual benefit.) And I especially HATE it when people do that just because they think that's what they are supposed to do. Think for yourself, stop worrying so much about people's feelings, and quit thinking that one little less-than-perfect interaction with another human being is going to ruin your entire life! We all make mistakes. All you've got to do is make sure your progress outweighs your mistakes. No mistakes = no progress.

    I certainly will try to help somebody out if they really need me to just listen while they vent or share a problem with me, but that's different, because we have a purpose that we've both agreed upon, and so it doesn't seem like a waste of time and they'll probably have no trouble staying focused. Otherwise, I don't just naturally put the other person first and spend my time trying to "understand" them. I treat us equally. And if the conversation is not interesting to both of us, and I'm not making a sacrifice to help them, then it's a waste of time and I'll try to shift the conversation towards something that we both enjoy. Or perhaps I'll end it completely.

    So, there's only about 4 different things that can happen. They all involve different circumstances, numbers of people, and amounts of dedicated focus, but here they are.

    1. I decide to help this person, or take up some other positive goal that doesn't directly benefit me, so it's not about having a good conversation anymore. It's about helping them. And I like helping people, as long as they are genuine and appreciative.

    2. I try to keep the conversation on topics that everyone enjoys and benefits from, getting as deep and as elaborate as I can. This involves a lot of jumping around and I'm full of ideas so I can cover a lot of ground quickly. Once I find a topic I can milk, I'm all into it.

    3. If the other people are too shy or boring, I'll try to keep things going by myself by talking only about what I'm interested in and hoping that the others will be amused somehow. I'll ask questions, but not about themselves, about what they think about what I'm saying, and if I'm lucky, their responses will be enough to give me a new thought, learn something new, or to be inspired. I love conducting spontaneous research by probing people's minds and asking them questions they they probably have never heard before. (They usually enjoy it, in some twisted way or another, but if they don't, I go on to number 4.)

    4. I quit.

    Not trying to put everyone else first doesn't seem selfish to me. The way I see a good conversation progressing involves both people putting a bit out there, and both people responding in a way that grows what's already in the pot. And if the pot is appealing, they both continue, and so the pot eventually grows into something amazing. I'm not going to just let somebody make a whole pot by themselves and then blindly jump right in it. And I wouldn't expect somebody to listen to me intently if they were not interested. That's actually more of an insult than anything else.

    I'm not selfish or greedy. I'm just REAL with people. I think highly of myself. That doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone else. I'm just not afraid to admit it to myself when somebody is a waste of my time. And I'm sure I'm a waste of their time, too. It's nothing personal. I'll still be polite and I'll still help in some way if they ask. It’s not like I hate this person and think I’m way above them. I respect everybody until they do something to lose it.

    And I actually think that it’s ridiculous to be in a conversation or a relationship that is not mutually beneficial, so by refusing to do that, I’m standing up for what I believe in, while still doing the greater good for everyone involved. At best, they will learn to do the same and it will enhance their lives. It's easy to find a balance between being a selfish asshole and a pushover. If you find that balance, not only will your own life be better, but mine will, and so will everyone's that you know. It seems like a worthy cause to me.

    There's only about 3 people that I can count on for good conversations and that seems to be enough most of the time, because there's always reading books, writing articles, posting in forums, ect...

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