Cynicism/lack of compassion

[swordpath]

How do you reverse this mentality?

 

[Nocapszy]

Why would you want to?

 

[swordpath]

It feels negative.

 

[Nocapszy]

Also, can you be a bit more specific?

 

[swordpath]

I love my family and close friends, don't get me wrong I'm not heartless. I just feel more detached emotionally than I'd like to be from the general public. I feel most people have selfish motives in most things and that feeds into an irritation that seems to only be getting worse. I see people (my mom for example) that possess such compassion and optimism. When talking to her it just highlights the contrast.

 

[Nocapszy]

But if they suck like that, why do you want to be attached to them?

That sounds like a "jackass" stunt. Like putting leaches on your eyeball.

Is it just because you want not to be annoyed at things?

 

[Seanan]

How do you reverse this mentality?

What do you want? Ideas on how to be more compassionate and less cynical? Across the board?.... or just in certain situations or on certain things? More info needed.

 

[swordpath]

Is it just because you want not to be annoyed at things?

I guess so.

 

[swordpath]

What do you want? Ideas on how to be more compassionate and less cynical? Across the board?.... or just in certain situations or on certain things? More info needed.

I guess just in general. A more positive and less cynical outlook on everything. Probably not much you can do to change it. I was curious if there are others here that deal with cynicism and negativity and if they've done anything or found ways to subdue that train of thought a little bit.

 

[cascadeco]

I guess just in general. A more positive and less cynical outlook on everything. Probably not much you can do to change it. I was curious if there are others here that deal with cynicism and negativity and if they've done anything or found ways to subdue that train of thought a little bit.

Honestly? For me personally, after going through a low/cynical bout several years ago, and not liking feeling that way, I realized I could choose to look at things differently. I could choose NOT to immediately go cynical, and choose optimism. Nothing was stopping me but myself. But it was kind of like re-wiring the circuitry in my brain, to get rid of old, overused thought patterns.

 

[Nocapszy]

I guess so.

Fair enough. I don't have a solution, I was just curious.

I guess you could just find some rationale for them.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I really wish I knew a good way. Genuineness is a key factor here. I've tried being nice to people that I dislike, and it usually backfires. Do what degree does cynicism arise out of being uncomfortable and impatient with one's self? Maybe that's a good place to start. *shrug*

 

[Hirsch63]

I have found that direct experience in the form of unanticipated hardship can do wonders for objectivity.

 

[nightning]

*shrugs* Accept that cynicism has its uses and compassion its flaws. Balance the two and see that they're both in you. Know when to use one and when to use the other.

 

[Seanan]

I guess just in general. A more positive and less cynical outlook on everything. Probably not much you can do to change it. I was curious if there are others here that deal with cynicism and negativity and if they've done anything or found ways to subdue that train of thought a little bit.

IC... well IMHO, the mind of a cynic is about having to see/live in absolute, provable, truth as they see it and a degree of perfectionism. They seem to almost be ashamed of finding out they are/were "wrong" in whatever viewpoint. They see cynicism as "safe" in that regard as they pick and choose their "proofs."

I mentioned an old movie on another thread that exemplifies my outlook.... "Sea Wife" where a life boat is filled with men and one woman who happens to be a nun. A conversation ensues between her and a cynic onboard. She tells him God is with them and not to worry about survival. He says "You don't understand, I've just seen too much." To which she replies "No, I think you haven't seen enough." (I am not religious but do accept the validity in her statement no matter what one calls the force she refers to.)

Therein lies the problem with the cynic. They tend to be myopic in their fear or insecurity. Opening their eyes to what is really here would show them that in order for anything/everthing to exist, there must be balance and a very delicate one.... the principal of yin/yang if you will. The implications of that are that all is 50/50... positive/negative that comes out neutral. If the cynic wishes to have a more comfortable life, acknowledging the other, ignored, 50% and then choosing to dwell in it would accomplish that. Life is nothing more than a series of choices. Not being a cynic, I choose to live in the equally valid positive 50% while acknowledging that the other exists. It seems to me that, if seeking to live in truth, encompassing the broader possibilities contains more of it.

I know this is long and I could have just said... "be more positive" but this is something I struggled with pretty much from childhood . It was really horrendous and I learned very early on about the negatives in this world. I know what a strong grip cynicism can have... so I'm giving the process I went through attaining a more fulfilling, pleasurable and contented life.

 

[swordpath]

Thanks. Good post, Seanan.

 

[Grayscale]

there is good and bad to everything, you dont have to play dumb to focus on the former. people are just a sub-sect of an overall optimistic attitude

 

[cafe]

Humor, acceptance? I don't see cynicism and compassion as mutually exclusive and don't consider selfishness a bad thing in and of itself. We do need to look out for ourselves to some degree because when you are an adult, it really isn't anyone else's job to look after you.

The way I see it, most people are not malicious, just selfish and unaware. Sometimes people are malicious (which has always struck me as a colossal waste of energy) and sometimes people are beneficent (which is pretty cool). We can't do much except try to stay out of the way of the malicious, be aware of the selfish (including ourselves), and enjoy and strive to emulate the beneficent.

It isn't that hard to be compassionate because humans are social animals wired for a certain amount of empathy. If you spend a little time thinking about how it would feel to be in someone's difficult situation and really understand it instead of just dismissing it, compassion often results.

 

[sassafrassquatch]

I'm about the same in my feelings about other people but it doesn't bother me that much. A combination of apathy, seeing everything as a joke and enjoying negativity really help. Feeding my sense of superiority doesn't hurt either.

 

[RDF]

How do you reverse this mentality?

When I was in the military, I got put in charge of squads and platoons. Having to put everyone to work on a big task was a headache for me. There were a lot of people who did half-assed work, and I didn't want to have to spend all my time running around yelling at them to do their job right. I couldn't fire them or get rid of them, and I couldn't just leave them idle on the sidelines and make the good workers carry the whole load by themselves.

In time, though, I learned that everyone is good at something. As I got to know the bad workers better, I learned what they were good at and could usually find a niche for them where they would perform reasonably well. Across time, watching each of them as individuals and looking for their strong points, I could have the entire squad or platoon functioning effectively in some capacity. Also, I learned not to be a perfectionist. You work with what you've got. If your workforce isn't a good match for the job, then you do the best you can and accept that the result isn't going to be perfect.

So that's how I look at people today. When I start socializing with a new group of people, I accept that not all of them are going to be a good fit in my life. But I try to find out their strong points, try not to be a perfectionist, and try to figure out some way or place that they might fit into my life. And sooner or later I can usually find some way to enjoy their company and make them a friend.

That kind of mental/social exercise keeps me from getting cynical and viewing people in terms of herds of uninteresting people. It pulls me out of my head, makes me focus on people as individuals, and makes me pay attention to them in order to figure out their best qualities. I go along with them, try out the things they enjoy, and have some new experiences.

So that's my response. When I'm getting bored or feeling closed in on myself, I just start hanging around with a group of people and seeing what I can learn about them. It keeps me on my toes and exposes me to new things. It also renews my faith in humanity when I can find points of common interest with just about anyone sooner or later.