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Thread: The wrong life

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    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Default The wrong life

    Have you ever felt as though you were living the wrong life?

    I have a good life by most measures. I have made significant progress toward professional and personal goals, have everything I need and much of what I want, and have few regrets. For years now, however, there has been this undercurrent of feeling that I am living the wrong life, almost like those sci/fi stories in which someone lands in a parallel universe where their life turned out quite differently. I look back and wonder, at what point did I make the "wrong" turn away from that parallel existence? Which is the life I was "meant" to lead? My real life is the better life, so why do I feel so strongly called by the alternative, as if I am missing something more important than all I actually have? Has anyone else experienced something like this?

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    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Sounds like you had your head rule your heart..not uncommon for an INTJ, but sometimes it means that you take a turn and ignore things that your heart truly could've enjoyed, something that would've given you a purpose, fulfilment and even happiness. However..it could also be that..well, since you're INTJ, you like to fix things. With things going smoothly in every area, you've achieved what you've set out: to conquer a life for yourself, on every area. But INTJs relish in fixing things...to then hand over and have someone else maintain them, so they can fix and conquer the next challenge

    It would appear you need a new challenge in your life, that it has become too efficient and smooth to be anywhere near what you need. Ironically, you've just achieved everything you've ever set out to do, you should be feeling pretty good about yourself..but that doesn't take away that nagging need to *fix* things, especially when there is still so much to fix and conquer in this world..and several others

    So perhaps, you could combine that need with the search for something that fills your heart with joy
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    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Yes, and that is the point when I've changed mine. Let me say in advance, I'll be strongly biased since the topic still resonates within me.
    We can't solve your issues, you have to invest serious effort in discovering what went wrong, and aspire to change it instead of simply thinking about how it could be better. Points you might want to consider though:

    - Is "progress toward professional goals" the same as "progress toward personal goals"? Are these two different? Did you achieve success in both, or maybe only in the former? Are your personal goals dictated by yourself, or external factors?

    - It seems to me that, after stating your question, you almost immediately started to explain how you have a "good life", as if you wanted to convince somebody (yourself?) on the fact that "it's not that bad" to lessen the need for change (post-rationalizing).

    - Do you already know the answer to your question? Is the systematic approach always the best? Do you have enough RL experiences to make a quality distinction between the life you currently lead, and the life you might want to lead ("My real life is the better life")?

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    for me its more like i feel like id rather live another life, but some things i dont know how to change, even if i know what my goal about that would be, and some things i just cant change without turning my back on real me. so im kinda stuck on something i dont really care about. it wouldnt be a problem since i dont exactly hate my life, but years go by and im getting older and older and im starting to feel pressure to do something since im wasting my youth living a way i dont really care about..
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Which is the life I was "meant" to lead? My real life is the better life, so why do I feel so strongly called by the alternative, as if I am missing something more important than all I actually have? Has anyone else experienced something like this?
    Was there a specific crossroad in your life that lead you down this path? Now that you achieved a level of success, perhaps its time to explore the alternative.

    In my case, I am certain that I did not take the wrong path. I have a good career with almost certain job security and no money worries. I am not unhappy about my personal life. Yet I have never been satisfied. I feel like I am simply coasting through life. I see so many other possibilities and don't want to have regrets after age closes the doors.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    It would appear you need a new challenge in your life, that it has become too efficient and smooth to be anywhere near what you need. Ironically, you've just achieved everything you've ever set out to do, you should be feeling pretty good about yourself..but that doesn't take away that nagging need to *fix* things, especially when there is still so much to fix and conquer in this world..and several others
    You're understand the INTJ drive very well.

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    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Grin. It happens when you attempt to make one happy for as long as I have
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    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Yeah, I know the feeling. As Satine said, look for the things that bring you satisfaction. Give yourself a nice chunk of space and time where no other damands are exerted on you except for finding those things. Mental/physical/time/emotional space.

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Not_Me View Post
    You're understand the INTJ drive very well.
    its not an INTJ thing to get those feelings in that sort of situation, its an human thing.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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    its not an INTJ thing to get those feelings in that sort of situation, its an human thing.
    I'm not so sure. I hear the phrase "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" so may time from my friends and coworkers.

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    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Not_Me View Post
    I'm not so sure. I hear the phrase "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" so may time from my friends and coworkers.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forer_effect
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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