Figuring out what you want out of life...

[miss fortune]

I'm 27 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

My mother seems to think that I should settle down and pick SOMETHING... she did as far as occupations go and she finds her job rather fulfilling. I've tried out a few different paths of work, and I can't seem to get into other fields, which seem to only want to hire people with experience

It's not about finding a job though really... the real problem is that I have no fucking idea what I WANT out of life. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be to others? What can I do that would use my skills for the GOOD of people and not get walked all over?

I have a SO who I adore... he's great and I have no desire to ever leave him... that's one thing that I have as a constant... otherwise, what's there?

How do people figure out what they want out of their lives? Do they ever figure it out? Will I end up like my dad, who at the age of 68 still doesn't know what he really wants with the exception of my mom?

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Step 1. Who's lifestyle and achievements do you envy?

Step 2. How could that person have improved?

Step 3. Read something inspirational and commit to being the person in Step 2 and never question what you should be doing again.

 

[miss fortune]

I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

That's fine, but why not? What are they missing?

 

[miss fortune]

they're not me

I really don't WANT that much, when it all comes down to it... to be happy, that's really it

 

[Phantonym]

I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

Well, I can definitely relate. I don't really know what I want out of life either. But it's a work in progress and I do seem to have a direction I've been walking towards. It's been a combination of brushing off the things I know I wouldn't want to have in my life, things that are more negative in nature than positive and not constructive, and just doing "something" and not merely expecting things to fall on my lap.

I can see the value in just picking something and going with that for a while. I say for a while because sometimes people get caught up in that thing and can't find their way out again and they're still at a loss, so it's best to be aware of that. Picking something for a "test run" to see how it could fit and deciding whether the things associated with that something suit you and your needs, whether there's potential in that something for you as an individual and if it is inspiring enough to feed further development in any which way can be beneficial. More often than not, doing "something" will make it clear that it's really not something you would want to do. But then there's the pressure of time again, *sigh*...

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

they're not me

I really don't WANT that much, when it all comes down to it... to be happy, that's really it

I still envy people who aren't me. They don't have to be me for me to envy them. I think you're being evasive so you can stay confused and avoid accountability, but I'll play along anyway...

What does happiness entail? What makes a person happy? Specifically, what makes you happy?

 

[miss fortune]

I totally understand the stumbling along and trying to learn while doing approach... I'm afraid of getting stuck in a job just because I'm good at it and never really feeling like I belong there and never really feeling fulfilled by what I'm doing. I don't want to end up just working to get a paycheck

 

[miss fortune]

I still envy people who aren't me. They don't have to be me for me to envy them. I think you're being evasive so you can stay confused and avoid accountability, but I'll play along anyway...

What does happiness entail? What makes a person happy? Specifically, what makes you happy?

we aren't the same person, for goodness sake :rolli: I'm not being evasive, I just really don't have a fucking clue what I'm looking for because I really don't ever see someone and think "gee, I'd love to be like them!"

I'm not sure what makes me happy on a professional plane... I like to interact with people, but sales always leaves me with a dirty, guilty feeling like I'm not doing anything for the good of anyone in the end... and thanks to that being the field I have experience in, that's the only type of job that I tend to get I can think of things that make me happy, but they're really simple, like walking barefoot in the grass, or the taste of fresh pineapple, or the feel of someone I like's skin against my naked skin

 

[Domino]

I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

That's because you have an awesome one, and you're awesome in it! I hope to come back reincarnated as your left elbow. ATLEAST.

If you woke up tomorrow and said "Holy crap! That sounds like fun every dratted day of my life!", you will have staggered upon what would suit you.

When narrowing down what I liked, it came to (repeatedly): writing and cars. Not the two together necessarily, but here's what I want from my life - to become a writer, and to become a stunt driver (or at least be trained as one). I've wanted to do both for most of my life and it isn't changing, so hey! Why not, right?

I think you'd make a great safari guide or a bridge jumper. You have that confidence, smarts, and physical competence where you could do most anything. If push comes to shove, create your own kind of job! You know, specialize!

 

[Usehername]

Follow what people tell you you're good at (assuming you enjoy it to some degree), and then look for a way to hack the system to create a gap or opening for you to do your thang.

If you're good at sales but hate the sleazy things associated with it, I'd start there. Hack the system. Remove the zero-sum aspect to it and actively create some way to make it a win-win-win-win-win with no core down sides. Talk people up and ask for a hookup. Be your own BFF and hook yourself up in ways that you'd only dare for a friend.

 

[miss fortune]

somehow I doubt that anyone's out hiring a professional pineapple taster

I guess I just can't figure out what I'm passionate about that also translates to something practical as well... having to dress up in a suit and act professional is killing me, but I wouldn't give up the ability to talk back and have some freedom either

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

we aren't the same person, for goodness sake :rolli: I'm not being evasive, I just really don't have a fucking clue what I'm looking for because I really don't ever see someone and think "gee, I'd love to be like them!"

I'm not sure what makes me happy on a professional plane... I like to interact with people, but sales always leaves me with a dirty, guilty feeling like I'm not doing anything for the good of anyone in the end... and thanks to that being the field I have experience in, that's the only type of job that I tend to get I can think of things that make me happy, but they're really simple, like walking barefoot in the grass, or the taste of fresh pineapple, or the feel of someone I like's skin against my naked skin

Yeah, I also like getting laid, but we're asking a deeper question here. We're not asking about what makes you feel pleasure, we're asking what gives you meaning. You're gonna have to stop being cutesy for a minute and get focused. No more emoticon shit because it converts the thread into an attention-whoring tool, and that's not goo if you're really looking for direction.

There are lots of ways you can figure out what gives you meaning. Looking at other people's lives and finding parts that you envy IS a valid tool and you should think about it. Don't just say "no one" because that's weak as shit. Certainly, there are parts of their lives you admire, or even just RESPECT: the way you lived, the things they did, the way they carried themselves, etc. For example, I admire Einstein's dedication and the way he championed pacifism. I admire the way Thoreau said fuck you to society. It gives you a clue of what'll give you meaning in your own life, so don't just avoid it. Think.

Another exercise is picturing yourself stable and happy in the future, without all the inner conflicts and confusion that plague you now. Get a FEEL for what it might look like, then try and picture a few scenes an what YOU might look like walking around. What types of habits have you dropped? What did you replace them with? What types of things do you do throughout your week? Where are some jobs you could see yourself working that are COMPATIBLE with that lifestyle? Take a second, don't rush. If you feel like you can't do it, it's because you're resisting it and not letting yourself be happy. That's self-sabotage, and that might be what you've been doing these past years. Stick with the exercise and push it. Go have some green tea an try and envision yourself in 10 years, stable, happy, and kind.

Third, you can survey your life to find moments where you felt meaning and connection and find what they had in common.

Don't pussy out, and don't fight me. Spend an hour doing these exercises. You have to be willing to actually come up with a solution and commit to it. For most people, that's very scary so they sabotage the whole exercise.

 

[miss fortune]

you're talking to the person who can't even decide what they want at a restraunt... and that's a lot less important than my life

I'm not being cutesy on you and I resent the implication that I'm being flippant here... I just simply don't know what I want AT ALL and trying to decide who to envy (which isn't a concept that I even find COMFORTABLE) is just a bit too much... I don't see myself in 10 years.

And if you really knew how to connect things you would have figured out something deeper from that list

 

[miss fortune]

Follow what people tell you you're good at (assuming you enjoy it to some degree), and then look for a way to hack the system to create a gap or opening for you to do your thang.

If you're good at sales but hate the sleazy things associated with it, I'd start there. Hack the system. Remove the zero-sum aspect to it and actively create some way to make it a win-win-win-win-win with no core down sides. Talk people up and ask for a hookup. Be your own BFF and hook yourself up in ways that you'd only dare for a friend.

There's a lot of things I don't like about working sales... the undependability of other people is one thing, that I don't feel like I'm doing any good is one, the fact that it's actually a lot of hard work and acting ALL OF THE TIME annoys me, and being put under pressure by the boss really gets to me as well... I KNOW that it's what I'm good at in the eyes of other people, I just don't wanna do it for the rest of my life... and the progression in my job is to owning your own company, which is something else I don't want to do either

I don't really know what else there is that I'd be good at though

 

[Jaguar]

I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

Had you answered any other way, then I would be worried.
You are in much better shape than you realize.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

you're talking to the person who can't even decide what they want at a restraunt... and that's a lot less important than my life

Then you're using bad decision-making heuristics. You're focusing on all the options, instead of what clicks, and you're not in touch with yourself enough to know what clicks. Just do the exercises. It's a different approach. Consider this: the reason you haven't answered any of my questions yet isn't because you can't, but because you're unwilling to close some of your options and risk making the wrong decision. Professionally, you're doing the same thing as you do at the restaurant. I'm forcing you to consider a new way of choosing, and you're complaining and making excuses for why you can't. Just try it.

I'm not being cutesy on you and I resent the implication that I'm being flippant here... I just simply don't know what I want AT ALL and trying to decide who to envy (which isn't a concept that I even find COMFORTABLE) is just a bit too much...

YOU REALLY ADMIRE NO ONE????????? Bullshit.

I don't see myself in 10 years.

You're not trying. It's something you need to spend some time contemplating. I don't see myself immediately in ten years either, but if I start thinking about it, put on some good music, an have some green tea, it starts to appear, slowly. You need to try.

And if you really knew how to connect things you would have figured out something deeper from that list

You're trying to make this a conflict between you and I, and it isn't. If you're insinuating that you're sensory, that's no surprise, but it's also not interesting. If you have a brilliant interpretation and are really looking for help, then share it.

But seriously, do the exercises. Not despite them being uncomfortable but particularly because they're uncomfortable.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Had you answered any other way, then I would be worried.
You are in much better shape than you realize.

This is brilliant advice.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm supposing that you don't remember the story about the donkey and two equally tasty looking thistles do you?

when either choice is just as appealing or unappealing, the choice is difficult... when you genuinely don't CARE because either option will make you just as happy or unhappy... you're overcomplicating it... I'm not being difficult, it's just not a choice that appeals!

And I shouldn't have to envy anyone else- ME is my concern, and NOW is the time of concern.

On top of that, YOU try broadening hiring options with a criminal record... it's not an easy task

 

[highlander]

I'm 27 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

My mother seems to think that I should settle down and pick SOMETHING... she did as far as occupations go and she finds her job rather fulfilling. I've tried out a few different paths of work, and I can't seem to get into other fields, which seem to only want to hire people with experience

It's not about finding a job though really... the real problem is that I have no fucking idea what I WANT out of life. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be to others? What can I do that would use my skills for the GOOD of people and not get walked all over?

I have a SO who I adore... he's great and I have no desire to ever leave him... that's one thing that I have as a constant... otherwise, what's there?

How do people figure out what they want out of their lives? Do they ever figure it out? Will I end up like my dad, who at the age of 68 still doesn't know what he really wants with the exception of my mom?

You could try reading this.