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  1. #11
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Follow what people tell you you're good at (assuming you enjoy it to some degree), and then look for a way to hack the system to create a gap or opening for you to do your thang.

    If you're good at sales but hate the sleazy things associated with it, I'd start there. Hack the system. Remove the zero-sum aspect to it and actively create some way to make it a win-win-win-win-win with no core down sides. Talk people up and ask for a hookup. Be your own BFF and hook yourself up in ways that you'd only dare for a friend.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #12
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    somehow I doubt that anyone's out hiring a professional pineapple taster

    I guess I just can't figure out what I'm passionate about that also translates to something practical as well... having to dress up in a suit and act professional is killing me, but I wouldn't give up the ability to talk back and have some freedom either
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  3. #13
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    we aren't the same person, for goodness sake :rolli: I'm not being evasive, I just really don't have a fucking clue what I'm looking for because I really don't ever see someone and think "gee, I'd love to be like them!"

    I'm not sure what makes me happy on a professional plane... I like to interact with people, but sales always leaves me with a dirty, guilty feeling like I'm not doing anything for the good of anyone in the end... and thanks to that being the field I have experience in, that's the only type of job that I tend to get I can think of things that make me happy, but they're really simple, like walking barefoot in the grass, or the taste of fresh pineapple, or the feel of someone I like's skin against my naked skin
    Yeah, I also like getting laid, but we're asking a deeper question here. We're not asking about what makes you feel pleasure, we're asking what gives you meaning. You're gonna have to stop being cutesy for a minute and get focused. No more emoticon shit because it converts the thread into an attention-whoring tool, and that's not goo if you're really looking for direction.

    There are lots of ways you can figure out what gives you meaning. Looking at other people's lives and finding parts that you envy IS a valid tool and you should think about it. Don't just say "no one" because that's weak as shit. Certainly, there are parts of their lives you admire, or even just RESPECT: the way you lived, the things they did, the way they carried themselves, etc. For example, I admire Einstein's dedication and the way he championed pacifism. I admire the way Thoreau said fuck you to society. It gives you a clue of what'll give you meaning in your own life, so don't just avoid it. Think.

    Another exercise is picturing yourself stable and happy in the future, without all the inner conflicts and confusion that plague you now. Get a FEEL for what it might look like, then try and picture a few scenes an what YOU might look like walking around. What types of habits have you dropped? What did you replace them with? What types of things do you do throughout your week? Where are some jobs you could see yourself working that are COMPATIBLE with that lifestyle? Take a second, don't rush. If you feel like you can't do it, it's because you're resisting it and not letting yourself be happy. That's self-sabotage, and that might be what you've been doing these past years. Stick with the exercise and push it. Go have some green tea an try and envision yourself in 10 years, stable, happy, and kind.

    Third, you can survey your life to find moments where you felt meaning and connection and find what they had in common.

    Don't pussy out, and don't fight me. Spend an hour doing these exercises. You have to be willing to actually come up with a solution and commit to it. For most people, that's very scary so they sabotage the whole exercise.

  4. #14
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    you're talking to the person who can't even decide what they want at a restraunt... and that's a lot less important than my life

    I'm not being cutesy on you and I resent the implication that I'm being flippant here... I just simply don't know what I want AT ALL and trying to decide who to envy (which isn't a concept that I even find COMFORTABLE) is just a bit too much... I don't see myself in 10 years.

    And if you really knew how to connect things you would have figured out something deeper from that list
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #15
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Follow what people tell you you're good at (assuming you enjoy it to some degree), and then look for a way to hack the system to create a gap or opening for you to do your thang.

    If you're good at sales but hate the sleazy things associated with it, I'd start there. Hack the system. Remove the zero-sum aspect to it and actively create some way to make it a win-win-win-win-win with no core down sides. Talk people up and ask for a hookup. Be your own BFF and hook yourself up in ways that you'd only dare for a friend.
    There's a lot of things I don't like about working sales... the undependability of other people is one thing, that I don't feel like I'm doing any good is one, the fact that it's actually a lot of hard work and acting ALL OF THE TIME annoys me, and being put under pressure by the boss really gets to me as well... I KNOW that it's what I'm good at in the eyes of other people, I just don't wanna do it for the rest of my life... and the progression in my job is to owning your own company, which is something else I don't want to do either

    I don't really know what else there is that I'd be good at though
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #16
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I don't really envy ANYONE'S life...

    Had you answered any other way, then I would be worried.
    You are in much better shape than you realize.

  7. #17
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    you're talking to the person who can't even decide what they want at a restraunt... and that's a lot less important than my life
    Then you're using bad decision-making heuristics. You're focusing on all the options, instead of what clicks, and you're not in touch with yourself enough to know what clicks. Just do the exercises. It's a different approach. Consider this: the reason you haven't answered any of my questions yet isn't because you can't, but because you're unwilling to close some of your options and risk making the wrong decision. Professionally, you're doing the same thing as you do at the restaurant. I'm forcing you to consider a new way of choosing, and you're complaining and making excuses for why you can't. Just try it.

    I'm not being cutesy on you and I resent the implication that I'm being flippant here... I just simply don't know what I want AT ALL and trying to decide who to envy (which isn't a concept that I even find COMFORTABLE) is just a bit too much...
    YOU REALLY ADMIRE NO ONE????????? Bullshit.

    I don't see myself in 10 years.
    You're not trying. It's something you need to spend some time contemplating. I don't see myself immediately in ten years either, but if I start thinking about it, put on some good music, an have some green tea, it starts to appear, slowly. You need to try.

    And if you really knew how to connect things you would have figured out something deeper from that list
    You're trying to make this a conflict between you and I, and it isn't. If you're insinuating that you're sensory, that's no surprise, but it's also not interesting. If you have a brilliant interpretation and are really looking for help, then share it.

    But seriously, do the exercises. Not despite them being uncomfortable but particularly because they're uncomfortable.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Had you answered any other way, then I would be worried.
    You are in much better shape than you realize.
    This is brilliant advice.

  9. #19
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I'm supposing that you don't remember the story about the donkey and two equally tasty looking thistles do you?

    when either choice is just as appealing or unappealing, the choice is difficult... when you genuinely don't CARE because either option will make you just as happy or unhappy... you're overcomplicating it... I'm not being difficult, it's just not a choice that appeals!

    And I shouldn't have to envy anyone else- ME is my concern, and NOW is the time of concern.

    On top of that, YOU try broadening hiring options with a criminal record... it's not an easy task
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #20
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I'm 27 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

    My mother seems to think that I should settle down and pick SOMETHING... she did as far as occupations go and she finds her job rather fulfilling. I've tried out a few different paths of work, and I can't seem to get into other fields, which seem to only want to hire people with experience

    It's not about finding a job though really... the real problem is that I have no fucking idea what I WANT out of life. What do I want to do? Who do I want to be to others? What can I do that would use my skills for the GOOD of people and not get walked all over?

    I have a SO who I adore... he's great and I have no desire to ever leave him... that's one thing that I have as a constant... otherwise, what's there?

    How do people figure out what they want out of their lives? Do they ever figure it out? Will I end up like my dad, who at the age of 68 still doesn't know what he really wants with the exception of my mom?
    You could try reading this.


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