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  1. #21
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    opening up emotionally... it sucks
    Eye. Vulnerability comes from lack of control for me, emotional control is the number on issue but there are other areas. There is an underlying fear in my day to day life that if I open up about deep emotional/personal issues that I will be unable to control my own emotional reaction, and that would be mortifying for me. To allow someone to see me as emotionally weak is not ok, I am invincible, that is all they should see.

  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    What makes me feel vulnerable?

    1. Getting blind-sided by something I didn't consider ahead of time (or someone changing me up).
    2. Knowing I'm taking some risks and have no way to control a fall if luck is against me.
    3. Getting trapped in a bad situation with potentially dire consequences and no escape route (or a horrendously destructive one).

    People talk about being emotionally vulnerable. Honestly, I can put myself out there without much care in regards to people knowing stuff about me that others would find amazingly vulnerable. That really doesn't bother me -- I have this desire to BE known that overrides the vulnerability.

    The risk there is more about being misunderstood and potentially rejected, thus losing a potential connection to explore, experience, and learn from.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I remember when I was 6 years old, a school bully would sit on me at recess and do different things to try and make me cry. He wasn't able to do it. There was some incident later with a person who was a friend. Anyway, I don't remember what he did, but it was something that hurt my feelings. That did make me cry. The bully finds out about it and redoubles his efforts - still to no avail. I can laugh about it now but that story seems to illustrate a point on how I've gone through life. I seem to harden myself to being harmed by others.
    With me, I can't really "harden" myself in the sense I don't feel the hit. To me, that would be a lie, and part of who I am is distilling my life experience in order to learn from it and get a clear picture of life. To be alive.

    Basically, inside, I can be horrendously vulnerable; but you just won't see it. I have the resilience to endure a lot of pain (physical and emotional) without flinching, because I know it can't kill me even if it scours me; and I can rationalize the best approach to a situation and how to act in a healthy fashion even if I'm sensitive to the pain of something; and so I just keep a placid, indifferent face on, steady as she goes, keep things stable and balanced, regardless of how bad the hit actually was. There have only been a few people in my life I'm willing to let see the raw emotion; I'll rationally describe it to lots of people, no problem, because it's still rationalized and I'm still in control of myself, but you won't get to taste what I'm tasting.

    So basically I don't necessarily feel vulnerable by expressing my emotions in front of others, I feel vulnerable that they might misjudge my character by the emotions I'm expressing, and the relationship will go in a direction that it didn't have to. I guess that is a control issue as well.

    I don't like being in a situation where I'm at someone else's whim or mercy. When I am impacted in a negative way due to such a situation, it seems to impact me much more than other bad things that might happen. It may have something to do with a dominating mother or that, at times, I felt picked on as a child. I'm not sure. The key point, I suppose, is that when someone else can make decisions which could negatively impact or influence me, it makes me feel vulnerable. An example of this would be the trepidation I can sometimes feel around a client or a boss because they have power over me. This makes me feel uncomfortable. I want to be free, independent and outside unfair or negative influences. I am overly sensitive or defensive to criticism from such people. Economic motivations have played a role in my life, I believe, because financial resources give you freedom from outside influence. There is also something related to emotional vulnerability - not being accepted by others for who I am. I'm sensitive to rejection. It is selective though. There are many people where I could care less what they think about me. There are others however where it does matter.
    I wonder if that is typical of other INJs as well.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #23
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I guess there are a few things that make me feel vulnerable, but I kind of have this switch where I just resign myself to my nakedness and exposure and just let whatever happen. It helps to know that I'm sure billions of people have gone through whatever it is I'm going through at the time and (probably) didn't die.

  4. #24
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    Eye. Vulnerability comes from lack of control for me, emotional control is the number on issue but there are other areas. There is an underlying fear in my day to day life that if I open up about deep emotional/personal issues that I will be unable to control my own emotional reaction, and that would be mortifying for me. To allow someone to see me as emotionally weak is not ok, I am invincible, that is all they should see.
    I relate to this. Any time when I'm not self-controlled to the fullest extent that I want to be - I feel vulnerable then.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  5. #25
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Losing control of my emotions. I'm talking about very powerful emotions.

    Being incompetent. I fear this so much that I am very reluctant to involve myself in anything that I think I'm going to really screw up.

    Letting other people see that I'm in a great deal of emotional pain. It's like not having any skin. I feel like I'm judged for being out-of-control and not having it together.

    Letting someone get close, letting them know me, and being rejected. Rejection...*shudders* It's like being stabbed in the gut.

    Oh and what Fidelia said too:

    Growing to love someone that is complicated enough to be interesting, only to realize that their complicatedness is unexpressed insecurity. Once people make it through all the security measures, they have a lot of influence with me. It takes me far too long to diagnose the problem because I don't want to be unreasonable or believe the worst, and in the process I become the person who seems to care more than they do. I don't normally choose to have inconsistent or unpredictable people in my inner circle, but in this case it seems to sneak up on me.
    And highlander as well...being at someone's whim and mercy...especially unpredictable and inconsistent people.

  6. #26
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Losing control of my emotions. I'm talking about very powerful emotions.

    Being incompetent. I fear this so much that I am very reluctant to involve myself in anything that I think I'm going to really screw up.

    Letting other people see that I'm in a great deal of emotional pain. It's like not having any skin. I feel like I'm judged for being out-of-control and not having it together.

    Letting someone get close, letting them know me, and being rejected. Rejection...*shudders* It's like being stabbed in the gut.
    This.

    "Growing to love someone that is complicated enough to be interesting, only to realize that their complicatedness is unexpressed insecurity. Once people make it through all the security measures, they have a lot of influence with me. It takes me far too long to diagnose the problem because I don't want to be unreasonable or believe the worst, and in the process I become the person who seems to care more than they do. I don't normally choose to have inconsistent or unpredictable people in my inner circle, but in this case it seems to sneak up on me. The push pull thing can keep reeling me in if I have already invested a lot and grown to care dearly for the person and see that there is good stuff in them. I'm probably inclined more to end up hanging around till they leave first rather than taking charge of what happens for myself."

    And this. Sigh. (Hope did quoting right. Still learning)

  7. #27

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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Letting other people see that I'm in a great deal of emotional pain. It's like not having any skin. I feel like I'm judged for being out-of-control and not having it together.
    Seriously, though, this is what makes me feel vulnerable the most. Feeling anything deeply, really. And crying in front of other people. So generally when my emotions sneak up on me and knock me over.

    Commitment (to a place, a job, a major, a person, a retirement plan) can make me feel vulnerable, too.

  8. #28
    Senior Member IndyGhost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    What makes you feel vulnerable?

    Definition:
    a. Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
    b. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury
    c. Open to attack or damage : assailable <vulnerable to criticism>
    d. Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation.
    I have definitely felt a, b, and c. However, I don't know that d fits in easily for me with the other three. They don't occur simultaneously, that is. Honestly, though, it's not easy to persuade me to do something I don't want to do, or to make me feel vulnerable into the scenario. Maybe when I was younger... but not now as an adult. I'm firm in that arena.

    I have felt vulnerable, capable of being easily attacked, and capable of being very easily emotionally wounded. However, I often associated these things with having sort of a social panic attack. They aren't as bad these days, but still occur mildly. Back when I used to be a bit more paranoid, or feeling as though I were inferior due to weak Te, I was very susceptible to believing people were indirectly talking about me, while to me. This would stir up a, b and c.
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  9. #29
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    When people unload their emotions on me and I'm supposed to console them and it's a hopeless case because they want me to give them something I just can't provide. (some of my customers placed unreasonable demands on me and my time)

    Having my ignorance exposed. For example, I'm trying to convince others with my logic and someone sees a hole or loose end that I never even anticipated.

    Having to quickly act or make decisions without sufficient information.

    Being a victim of some injustice whether real or just perceived.

    Being asked what I think or feel about something that I have no solid opinion about because I just don't know enough about the issue (see my point about having my ignorance exposed) or I do have an opinion but I don't feel comfortable sharing it.

    Relationships have made me vulnerable. Fear that I'll be rejected if certain parts of my true self make themselves known. Fear that others will try to engulf me and won't give me enough space. Fear that the other will try to move too fast for my comfort level.

    Socially awkward situations in general. Like someone who's a little too friendly and trying to fend off the person in a tactful manner.

    Having to work in areas that aren't my area of strength. For example I'm good with computers but only regarding software and not hardware. I'm bad at troubleshooting hardware problems. I had to do that for one of my jobs and I found it an area of stress. Another example: sometimes I do storytimes when the youth services librarian is gone. I feel out of my element. I have to be more expressive than I normally am to make the stories entertaining for the kids and we are expected to sing songs and I'm a bad singer.

    Perceived lack of security or uncertaintly about how the future will unfold.

    When I'm the only one in a group to hold a certain opinion about something. I can't help but question the validity of my opinion and thinking or what the group will think if I believe the opposite.
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  10. #30
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    I found it extremely difficult to respond to my own thread, but also therapeutic. How about some other people who respond on a lot of other things but not this thread so far? You know who you are. I don't think anybody will criticize or think less of you. If they do, I'll shoot em .

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