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  1. #1
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Default Everything that irritates us about others

    Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
    ~Carl Jung


    People have a tendency to perceive negative thought patterns or behaviors as existing in others when they are unwilling or unable to recognize them in themselves; an individual who complains that no one around them listens very well is quite possibly someone who has a problem listening themselves. So, one way for the above quote to be true is in the case of projecting.

    Another cause- for someone feeling as though others don’t listen very well- might be an unwillingness to make one’s voice heard; in which case, another way to interpret the quote is that introspection might lead us to find a lack of self confidence (or whatever specifically is stopping us from making our voice heard). It can feel better to blame others and not acknowledge there's a weak spot in ourselves that could be worked on- particularly if it seems like others are just inherently stronger in certain aspects and the imbalance gets taken advantage of.

    Jealousy also comes into play, which somewhat coincides with the above point. It's irritating to deal with others' senses of entitlement when they run somewhat contrary to our own. I think this might be irritating because it threatens our own sense of entitlement, though I'm not sure about this one.

    What are other possible scenarios in which getting irritated might lead us to a better understanding of ourselves?

    Are there situations in which the above quote doesn’t apply?

    If it doesn’t always apply- what are the exceptions? How can we tell the difference between determining an exception to the rule and simply kidding ourselves (writing the ‘other’ off as different and finding that difference irritating, if only for the consequent inconvenience it places in our daily routine- when in truth we’re transferring criticism to the ‘other’ because we don’t feel like finding it in ourselves)?

    This is something I’ve thought about for several years, always trying to find what seems like the healthiest balance. I curious about what others think.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    How about the situation where you're angry at a third party for their treatment of a second party? As an example, the third party enacts physical abuse on the second party where you don't.

  3. #3
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Possible springboards for discussion [Are these things that can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves? If yes, what are those better understandings?]:

    Someone cutting us off on the expressway

    Dealing with a health insurance representative over the phone for the Nth time about some inane discrepancy

    Someone who is routinely late, in spite of already being chided for it

    Getting steamrolled by someone else's Fe or Te (ha-ha?)

    [This next one I’m really curious to see if anyone has an interesting answer to]
    Being taken advantage of by a psychopath/narcissist who does not feel remorse

    Also what metaphor wrote, because even if we're not directly involved- we're the one who's irritated.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    My INTJ best friend drove around with a picture I drew for his parents in the trunk of his car for 2 years. Does that count?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #5
    Glycerine
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    yeah, my first question usually is, "am I anything like a given person?" and analyze it. I agree.

  6. #6
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I don't think that everything that irritates me about others reflects something about myself... some things are just plain annoying for most people, and there's little that can be done about them.

    But I do think the ones that aren't typical reflect something about myself. Like the following:

    I'm bothered by gun ownership, dogs, the idea of driving a car, Conservative social policies, being out in the country/too far away from an urban area, rap music, country music, people who insist on competing instead of cooperating, the iPhone/iTunes, and DRM.

    I'm not sure what that says about me, but it probably says something.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    No I think there is something to the topic. the counseling catchphrase for this is "if you can spot it, you've got it." meaning you can't see something in another internally that you haven't understood.

  8. #8
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses. I suck at ops. I was hoping to hear how others interpret the quote. It’s something I think about all the time when I get irritated myself. I was wondering if- and how- others also try to apply it to themselves, looking for things I might miss on my own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    My INTJ best friend drove around with a picture I drew for his parents in the trunk of his car for 2 years. Does that count?
    This^ is the kind of thing that I’m on the fence about. It’s not projecting, it’s clearly something irritating on the other person’s part. It seems like whenever I dig long enough, I can find a way to turn my perception of it around (I focus more on why I am irritated than on why the person shouldn’t be doing whatever they’re doing). This backfires a lot, because sometimes it really should be about kicking the other person’s ass (if only figuratively) for doing the irritating behavior. I mean I think it’s important to be aware of why we feel irritated, but it’s also important not to be too lenient with disrespectful behavior. Anyway, I was wondering how others apply that quote.

    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    No I think there is something to the topic. the counseling catchphrase for this is "if you can spot it, you've got it." meaning you can't see something in another internally that you haven't understood.
    Yeah, exactly. And it helps to have compassion/patience for others when I realize they're doing something I'm totally capable of doing myself.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  9. #9
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Interesting subject. Owning your reactions to other people is a really important step toward achieving inner peace and enlightenment. It's important to remember that no one can make you feel anything.

    All affect is interior. Any emotional impact we experience is inside us. If someone were to denounce me, spreading all the gossip and defamation he might find, I would probably wither. It would weigh me down, but the withering is my interior matter. If you hurt my feelings, it is an interior matter for me. If it has an impact, it means there is a war inside me. You set it off, but what you set off is my business. Anything that can burn in a person should burn. Only the things that are fireproof are worth keeping. If you can hurt my feelings, they are better off hurt, because it’s an error in me.
    ~Robert A Johnson
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #10
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    ^Awesome quote, it brings to mind this other one by Viktor Frankl: "What is to give light must endure burning."
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

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