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Thread: Everything that irritates us about others

  1. #11
    Lungs & Lips Locked Array Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Dec 2009


    I usually find irritation in others when they are unaware of something about themselves that I am aware of in myself. I often feel that they should at least be aware, because that will benefit them far more greatly than not knowing their faults. It seems a bit backwards from the quote.
    It also sounds somewhat high and mighty, but I'm not claiming to have altered every aspect that may resonate between myself and another party that I find irritating. I just view that awareness as the potential to have a better handle over one's self, especially in relation to others, which is respectable to me.

    Otherwise, I agree with the quote. I've seen it in a lot of people. I've also had experiences where others have mentioned their need to change something about themselves, yet they've chosen to neglect that and instead directed their unsolicited efforts toward me. People are interesting creatures, although I can understand the prospect of wanting to learn how to adjust one's personal issues by watching/helping others fix their similar issues. Problem being self-neglect.
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    Not sure if there's a psych reason behind this but when I first read the title I read "everything which annoys us about others is about us" or something to that effect

  3. #13


    I think the only situation in which the quote doesn't apply is when a person already has the greatest understanding of themselves. This hardly happens, if it happens at all. There usually exists some portion of a person that has yet to be uncovered; but even if it was uncovered, who is to say the person would stop feeling irritation toward others?

    One can only dispel irritation if being aware of the irritation always allows one to transcend affect.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array Tabula's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
    9w1 so/sx


    This is especially interesting to me, and is something I've been putting much thought into for the past couple years. My mother was diagnosed with a personality disorder (among other things...) I don't intend for this to start a debate on the validity/truth in the existence of personality disorders, but to use as a background for my take on this.

    I have never really gotten along with my mother, but she's been getting progressively worse for quite a few years now. I've noticed that a few of the things she does - which irritate me to no end - other people, even in my own family, don't even see. I questioned why that was, then looked back at my own bad behavior in certain circumstances. I realized that I exhibit similar behavior but to a far lesser degree. This was absolutely crucial in my understanding of myself, though I think it did come at a price; I'm now petrified of ending up like her, and take great measures to ensure I correct my behavior in real-time when I see that I'm starting to do something I hate. It's also resulted in hyper-sensitivity/allergy to this kind of behavior in other people, which I think is unfair to them. I guess this is a good thing, but I'm worried about that over-compensation/fixation on not ending up that way being a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, which is what happens at the extreme other end of this issue, I think.

    So, my point. Hm.

    Yes, I think this is definitely true, but that it's equally important to accept that you can't change your entire personality. Or, that while yes, there are always things you can work on, don't expect the outcome of acknowledging that you, too, have these issues, and working on them, to be perfection or a total eradication of all those faults. I am always going to struggle with this, I think, but honestly, it's just as important (at least for me) to accept myself (blah blah this sounds all cliche kumbaya-ish, but it's true.) No one likes a hypocrite, but no likes a paranoid, neurotic, self-monitoring, insecure hot mess, either.

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