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  1. #11
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo
    Anything solid I can believe I can make a lifelong pursuit. Something that is somehow both a contribution and somehow unique to myself.

    Does anyone else have the same sort of need?

    Has anyone found something like that for themselves?
    If so, what is it?
    You wouldn't believe how many times I've said all of these things to myself. I've got the need. I've searched for quite some time! I am beginning to wonder if I am making it too hard. Unlike you this contribution has to be emotionally fulfilling as a standard as well. I get jealous when I see someone who believes so strongly in SOMETHING. I suppose jealousy isn't the right word really. I admire the intensity and passion. I see people who live their lives dedicated to an unseen God who upon asking....it's as real to them as anything. I wish I had that....faith without doubt. I see people who have made their culture/race the area they dedicate their lives too. I wish at times that part of me was as important to my 'identity' as a human on this earth that it could be something I'm committed to shouting from the rooftops. I've also felt the same way about gender rights. I suppose that there are too many others taking on these fights that it wouldn't really feel "unique" anymore.

    So I'm left drifting. It feels odd thinking you are just waiting for someone or something to grab you and shake you "get into the boat!" The price of finding something I think is settling...something I've been unwilling to do. I think it's an ego problem were I to get to the root, though this is merely speculation. I believe I should have some higher calling....instead I'm just like everyone else . I've looked into different altruistic causes which certainly have some emotion appeal to me. I do some minor 'service work'. I'm overly cautious trying so hard to look at every single angle of a cause and weigh its investment. Reality hits hard too...maybe I'm just too lazy or procrastinating.

    (I love your thread ideas ygolo. Please keep it up.)
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  2. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tayshaun View Post
    You are probably too smart to become intellectually cloistered in a small room.

    There is no One satisfactory teaching for the sometimes critical, skeptical and honest thinker. Following precepts postulated by alien minds is not pursuing your own light.

    You can use the wisdom or lives of great individuals and thinkers as material and inspiration, but following a recipe or mimicking will not bring the fulfillment of knowing yourself.

    I have this need you expressed, it is very strong at times. I am exploring many different potential areas for a job and a type of lifestyle in the hope that I will find something congruent with my personality and aspirations. Something simple, something healthy, something gentle and fulfilling.

    It is difficult to deal with the tumult of an aggressive society. Responsibilities; being answerable to people, the clash of desires and ambitions. Competition. How can it be avoided?

    I don't think it should be avoided, but understood, restrained and analyzed. The thing I am working on at the moment is starting from my level to naturally be more at peace with any situation. I am not directly looking for the best career or life quality anymore. I hope that I will eventually stop running away from responsibility and competition. What I am trying to do is to become less critical and more conscious of the sometimes ugly workings of my mind.

    I analyze my thinking patterns, my behavior with others, my feelings as I am working on a task, the impatience, the frustration, and do not judge them. I simply try to let them arise and become conscious of them. You can call it mindfulness, Zen, openness or whatever.

    So yes, the same need and no, no answer, although my only advice is to keep exploring inwards and developing the right frame of mind to congruently and naturally flow into the right situation for your life.
    I am always amazed at the self-awareness of the very young people on this forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    You wouldn't believe how many times I've said all of these things to myself. I've got the need. I've searched for quite some time! I am beginning to wonder if I am making it too hard. Unlike you this contribution has to be emotionally fulfilling as a standard as well. I get jealous when I see someone who believes so strongly in SOMETHING. I suppose jealousy isn't the right word really. I admire the intensity and passion. I see people who live their lives dedicated to an unseen God who upon asking....it's as real to them as anything. I wish I had that....faith without doubt. I see people who have made their culture/race the area they dedicate their lives too. I wish at times that part of me was as important to my 'identity' as a human on this earth that it could be something I'm committed to shouting from the rooftops. I've also felt the same way about gender rights. I suppose that there are too many others taking on these fights that it wouldn't really feel "unique" anymore.

    So I'm left drifting. It feels odd thinking you are just waiting for someone or something to grab you and shake you "get into the boat!" The price of finding something I think is settling...something I've been unwilling to do. I think it's an ego problem were I to get to the root, though this is merely speculation. I believe I should have some higher calling....instead I'm just like everyone else . I've looked into different altruistic causes which certainly have some emotion appeal to me. I do some minor 'service work'. I'm overly cautious trying so hard to look at every single angle of a cause and weigh its investment. Reality hits hard too...maybe I'm just too lazy or procrastinating.
    This is almost exactly how I feel too. I've tried all sorts of things (other then simple adrenaline rush type things) but I have yet to feel again the "higher calling" I felt for a brief period as a child. All I have is a memory of it. On that is fading fast.

    I am at the point where I get the joke people told me when I was younger, "You know, when adults ask you what you want to do when you grow up, they're actually fishing for ideas."

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  3. #13
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    I am always amazed at the self-awareness of the very young people on this forum.



    This is almost exactly how I feel too. I've tried all sorts of things (other then simple adrenaline rush type things) but I have yet to feel again the "higher calling" I felt for a brief period as a child. All I have is a memory of it. On that is fading fast.

    I am at the point where I get the joke people told me when I was younger, "You know, when adults ask you what you want to do when you grow up, they're actually fishing for ideas."
    Sometimes the journey is more fulfilling than the destination. (Cliche I know, but it's true.) A few years ago what I did is try to see where I might have a great interest and do a small trial. I took a couple of courses and tried a variety of different things as hobbies and mostly I found things that I did not want to commit to more. But at the same time I was glad that I didn't make a bigger commitment to these things, because it would have been a waste of time and money.

    Ultimately I did discover some important things though. 1) No job or hobby (or whatever) is worth putting ahead of your family. This may be different for people who have truly found their calling, but I doubt it. 2) Whatever dream job I have will inevitably involve me working for myself (or possibly having employees with me at the head). So instead of going for a job that will fulfill me at work I went with a job that I can live with and will pay a lot so I can work toward financial independence. It will still take at least a decade for me to get there (probably longer), but that is the best plan that I have.
    My wife and I made a game to teach kids about nutrition. Please try our game and vote for us to win. (Voting period: July 14 - August 14)
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  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by millerm277 View Post
    Skiing is my pursuit in life. It's impossible to master, always different, and has a wide variety of things to do within it. (Do 50mph down a wide slope, ski through the trees, tackle moguls, terrain park stuff..etc). Most importantly, it's something I enjoy greatly.

    Now, if I can find some way to make a career out of it (that pays more than minimum wage), I'll be very happy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    My Husband has been telling me for years that I needed a hobby. I finally found one and it's personal fitness.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheBeatGoesOn View Post
    Just recently found a new hobby that I'm stoked on and plan to stick with throughout the rest of my physically able-bodied life - Ice Hockey. It's not that popular of a sport here in the states and honestly that makes the sport more appealing to me.
    I like playing basketball. I will probably continue playing till I'm physically unable to. I have missed out on it for a while, but somehow that doesn't fill the void. I also like playing chess, and reading. Both also fun, and I will likely do them till I am physically unable.

    The thing is these aren't "pursuits" for me, they are too easy for me to maintain the levels I care to. I tried playing in a basketball league and our team lost every game, but it wasn't particularly upsetting (though it did seem like a waste of money).

    I play in our company's chess ladder. I am little more upset when I loose and like it when I win, but still not as into it to be called a "pursuit" in the sense I talked about.

    Still, I am glad people have found these pursuits.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jen View Post
    I also don't mean to sound like a cliché but believing in yourself is the best place to start otherwise whatever you take on will most likely not be as successful.
    I actually don't understand what that means. I guess, it is meant as a sort of confidence in myself towards some ends. I have that to some extents based on what the "ends" are.

    Unfortunately, I am having a hard time putting confidence in my ability to find and pursue a higher calling.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alcearos View Post
    I don't have such thing you describe but I have been lately wondering if I should have. I have now achieved most that I had planned (concerning education, family, living conditions). Now I don't have anything to wait for so I might need a sense of purpose.
    Actually, I would love to be where you seem to be-- where I don't feel the need to "pursue" anything....No need to believe in anything

    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    Have you considered morbid avariciousness? Its popularity waxes and wanes, but as a fall-back raison d'être goes, it's preferable to marriage-and-kids in a lot of ways.
    As, DD mentioned. Success along these lines require exorbitant amounts of money. I actually know someone who has a son in his 30s who has enough to live on for the rest of his life. But this son still seems to express the same type of emptiness I feel (perhaps worse).

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Liquid_Laser View Post
    I recognize this need in myself as well, but I would describe it as something I feel compelled to do rather than something I feel compelled to believe in. Perhaps what you mean and what I mean are not really the same thing, or perhaps it is a subtlety that has to do with the difference in the INTP and ENTP.
    Probably similar. But I really need to "believe in" what I am doing. I still can quite get better wording than that.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeliriousDisposition View Post
    I take comfort in knowing that I strive to learn inside class and out. It really inspires and stirs me, even if that knowledge is all for myself (I do try to share...) I am spiritual (not religious--) and I actively try to help myself grow as well as others if I'm allowed/asked. I'd say that you are unique unto yourself and so perhaps you should try to nourish yourself more or first. Take a class in anything you've found interesting before but never bothered to, for w/e reason. Or Meditate. Or try to meditate on what was important to you when you were younger or what areas you thought you might take yourself but refrained from doing so. Remember old hobbies and recall why you stopped. Was it due to age or money or lack of time? etc Is anything in your environment (family, friends, bad habits) stopping you from taking any particular path? Someimes it's not so readily apparent.

    I'd say what is valuable to me or what I need will differ for you or anyone else. So it's somewhat hard telling you what you should do or what is best as it may have no significance to you. It's rather cliche :rolli: , however, you gotta "search within yourself". You know yourself and if you don't feel so confident, well, it is you who has ultimate self-knowledge and the ability to understand yourself the best. So start the search ~~ Look at people you idealise. What is it about them that you find interesting or integral to why you like them? Another alternative, if you haven't considered, is a Life Therapy coach or perhaps a Psychotherapist (they help hollistically). Maybe try one session or two, you never know. I'm thinking of doing it just to help 'air' out the direction I want to next take in my life. So, in the boat next to you .
    I've tried a lot of these things, if not all of them. I still feel empty. I am reminded of Solomon's lament.

    Quote Originally Posted by DeliriousDisposition View Post
    I can't tell if you're 'feeling' a time limit but a lifelong pursuit in anything shouldn't be rushed at (assuming you are). As it is lifelong, you've got plenty of time to get to it!
    You have a point there, but it is less a feeling of being rushed, than being stuck in a foreign city where I don't know the language, and don't know anybody there (similar feelings, different circumstances).

    Some one PM'd me this song.
    But since religious things kind of get a lot of flack in more secular parts of the forum, so this person decided not to post.

    Still. The song captures the feeling, and I think it deserves mention. I admire the way religious faith can be real in people. I wish I had more faith.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  5. #15
    Senior Member Hexis's Avatar
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    Im content with the pursuit of happieness. I seem to never stop makeing goals for myself, if I reach a point in my life in which I thought id be content with before then I will find even other ways to improve my life. And thus never stoping the pursuit of my happiness, so in a sense you can say I will never be truly happy. Kind of a sad thought but its what I feel is my purpose here, all means justify the ends epsicially if those ends lead to my happiness.
    SDMF

  6. #16
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
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    Ygolo, to respond in seriousness, there are a variety of paths one can pursue in the name of having a reason to wake up in the morning. (Career, family, etc.) However, mankind has a built-in need for spiritual fulfillment. Religions, philosophers, psychologists and even scientists have put forth a myriad of theories as to why this is; what's pertinent to this thread is simply that it is the case.

    While I acknowledge that part of my psyche, I'm opposed to religion in general and have yet to come upon a good outlet for that psychological function. I don't know you personally and have only a vague sense of what your stance on religion is, but I believe there are similarities in our present positions.

    If you ever hit upon a good course of action, PMs are welcome.

  7. #17
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Actually, I would love to be where you seem to be-- where I don't feel the need to "pursue" anything....No need to believe in anything
    I don't like not having a goal to reach for. So, we are almost in same situation, both looking for a sense of direction for our lives. I wish I could help you with finding your thing in this life but I cannot because I don't even know my own purpose here.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    You have a point there, but it is less a feeling of being rushed, than being stuck in a foreign city where I don't know the language, and don't know anybody there (similar feelings, different circumstances).
    You probably should have mentioned that lol I'd have said first thing's first and become better at the language and learn the customs. I'm sure there are places you can go to, such as centres to help immigrants or teach language classes etc. Depending on where it is you now reside, you can find some for free. If you tell me which city/town, I can try to find online a place close to you if available and you can do it yourself too. I have similiar experiences of uncertainty even in my very own extremely Multicultral city (Toronto). Certain places you go here can make you feel a little out of place but it's the people who make you feel comfortable. I don't know your ethnicity but surely you're not the only one? If you can find others from your ethnicity/country, perhaps they have centres/places/festivals where you can meet and learn from them on how to better adapt.

    Some one PM'd me this song.
    But since religious things kind of get a lot of flack in more secular parts of the forum, so this person decided not to post.

    Still. The song captures the feeling, and I think it deserves mention. I admire the way religious faith can be real in people. I wish I had more faith.
    I won't go into a religious debate here but I will say that I am not religious. I am very spiritual. You can have people who are religious and spiritual/faithful and you can have people who are religious but not spiritual/faithful. Religious faith, itself, is not spiritual/faith because organised religions and religious books are systems and tools used to help people believe in them thus people making it real for them. As with all spirituality. People make it real for them. I'm not saying it isn't real, mind. If parents didn't raise their kids into religion/spirituality, what are the chances of religion ever being used/surviving or of the children 'making' it real for them or understanding it as such? So, to me and others, there's a difference. And I hate to sound so arrogant but that's what I think you're admiring. That people can still remain spiritual and can act it with good morals etc. We are beings who can understand or perceive spirituality but we can also do it without being told what to believe in as because we have consciousness we try to understand not only ourselves and others but why we exist anyway. It's just naturally to want to know the difference between instinctual animals and instinctual humans with the ability of perception. I'll be more optimistic with religion than I normally am and say that people created these tools/systems in the hopes of guiding people into being better people aside from worshiping a deity.

    As I don't know your religious background, aside from my advice on learning the language/customs, perhaps what you should also do is seek religious counselling since you said you 'wish' you had more faith. Saying you wish, to me, implies you really want it. If it's another important thing for you to do, then you should try to reconnect if it makes you feel more at peace with yourself. To speak on Jen's behalf, though I may be wrong (sorry Jen!), to help with what you didn't understand when she said 'believe in yourself'. She meant to 'have faith and trust' in yourself and it's not about 'towards some end' as you thought. And it's also as I said in that you know yourself best or have the ability to so look within yourself and find your answers by trusting yourself. You also said to The Liquid Laser that you 'need to believe' in what you are doing. But before you can do, you must 'be'. So, in other words, before you can believe in what you are doing, you must believe/trust in who you are and trust that that will guide you into knowing and believing what you want to do.

    I read you're 28 so you are still very young and have a lot of time ahead of yourself. If you're stuck in a rut, you have to move outside of that rut even if you feel unsure. You can't know anything different about where you are until you can go outside and peer at it. Too many people remain fixed or in a rut because they're afraid or unsure on where to go next. Sometimes it takes a few mistakes or trials of errors before discovering what it is you want or where you want to go or who it is you are or who it is you want to be.

    Edit: I know it's hard for Introverts as we look mainly within ourselves to figure things out before apply what we know or want in the external world. I can't speak for all or for INTPs such as yourself but it takes heed to do the Extraverted way of gettin' out to roam a bit. You can think all you want about it after.... Even after plenty of mistakes....I know...horror.

    Your Sig is:
    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    So, lastly, maybe you should just try to "live" right now and take it as it comes (I know, horror). Not just enjoy living but not to worry/stress so much about it and accept the past failures and build up on them. Don't like how you're living? That's great! Why don't you like it? Data-delete what you don't like and input someting better. Is it the environment or hardware/home? Move and or get a new home. I know it's 'easier said than done' but change takes both time and sometimes money and if you're serious, then you may need to do either or both. People/friends will be a big help too for support and comfort (so go make them or grab the ones you do have). But it'll probably be a lot more time that you need and that's okay b/c Time is eternal and never stops even after we die! (well, it doesn't exist, it's a human way of perceiving chronological events in order to systematize them into our understanding but nvm that...)/Edit

    Btw, I'm not exactly stuck in a rut but I'm completely throwing away my expected degree as I've learned a few things on what I want to do with my life and what I'd like to add to my knowledge. It lasted quite a few months of being in a HUGE wasting-away in saddness-rut (part of it is due to illness and being sad failed surgies/treatments too) and making previous errors (i.e wasting money) by trying to just do 'anything' in the hopes I'd figure it out. I've never been comfortable not knowing where I'm going so I took time off to do just that, even with my rut, and now I have a little more faith/belief/trust in myself even though I'm not 100% sure as of yet . So, do whatever it is you need/want/all that we said and apply it. Maybe even re-do some of the stuff you already tried but do it differently (or find different places with different people who can help you as some are more capable and some are more suitable for YOU in understanding what it is you need.)

    /Therapy session

  9. #19
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Long post above alert!

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheBeatGoesOn View Post
    Long post above alert!
    I almost didn't see the happy face and started feeling sad inside



    Seriously.



    But now it's more as I shall get you in future....

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