• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Do You Act Differently Around Your Family?

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
- Is there a role that you seem to fill?
- How do you act differently than you normally do?
- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

Why do you think this is so?
 
Last edited:

Randomnity

insert random title here
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
9,485
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Not really that differently, but I'm nicer than normal (with some people) or less polite than normal (with others). I don't really fill a role.

Just because I want to avoid conflict especially over the holidays, and with some of them I have that pleasant fairly shallow interaction where there's no need to really rock the boat when we only see each other a few times a year. :shrug:

Family is kindof a strange thing to me, though. My family isn't close or intimate at all - I would almost say I'm closer to the bf's family despite only knowing them a few years.
 

gromit

likes this
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
6,508
I'm one of the oldest two kids among many. I think I'm a bit bossier around my younger siblings, actually, and I feel like I have to take a more active role than I would in normal interactions. I was talking to one of my sisters actually, how we both sort of have to trade off on this role, the person who is calm, and listens to the different sides when people are flipping out and tries to get people to be reasonable and tries to find a compromise or a solution.

When everyone is happy and nobody's flipping out though I feel like I can be more myself than I can around a lot of people, like my family members (at least my immediate ones) won't think I'm really weird, because they are pretty weird too, and because they have known me for so long and will always love me.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
4,468
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I am more of an ENTP around my family when we are doing stuff like celebrating or eating together. Nevertheless, I eventually tire and need my INTP space/isolation again.
702177_6167_625x1000.jpg
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?
Discounting the fact that I hold in any lewd/inappropriate jokes that come into my head, and discounting my lack of swearing, I don't act that differently around my family. Although now that I think about it, I usually set a good portion of my Te by the wayside when I'm getting things done with my mom - i.e. I become a lot more chill - because she's about five times more control-freakish and obsessive and detail oriented than I am, and I instinctively balance the mood out by just going along for the ride. That can be a little frustrating sometimes because, to a point, I don't like feeling controlled. But she means well; I understand where she's coming from. So I deal with it.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
- Is there a role that you seem to fill?
- How do you act differently than you normally do?
- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?
Why do you think this is so?

As far as parents and siblings go, I feel like we don't have a family. We don't spend the holidays together, not as a group. I'll probably see my mom in a few weeks, and I'll see my sister on Thursday. My dad, I won't see. But even when we were together, it wasn't much of a family feel.

Usually in my family, I end up having to accommodate SFJ mentality. Sensitive and respectful. That's typically all I ever did. If my children are there, since they know the "real me" far more, I'll be exhibiting my funny, imaginative side. If necessary, I'll use my rationality to resolve specific problems that come up or to frame a particular conversation, but the Fe thing dominates all and there's no one there to engage me on a different level.

I honestly have a better time with my friends, even if I do love individual members of my family. At least with family of choice, I'm just me and don't have to rein in anything. I can be as intellectual or imaginative or inappropriately funny (while still being considerate) or sensitive/giving as I want, without fear of being unappreciated or misunderstood.

Why does this happen? Because I feel like out of everyone in my family, from experience, none of them are capable of coming onto my turf, so if I want a relationship with them, I have to go on theirs. The most flexible/adaptable/strongest person has to carry the load. My choice basically has been, "Am I going to invest in this, or am I going to cut my losses?"

Discounting the fact that I hold in any lewd/inappropriate jokes that come into my head, and discounting my lack of swearing, I don't act that differently around my family.

I do tend to swear casually, or go all over the map, when I'm not with my parents/sib. But they're religious and I know they won't appreciate it; it's not worth going there with them.
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
MBTI Type
eNfj
Enneagram
2
I don't say f*ck nearly as much...but sh*t, damn and hell are still on the table. :D
 

FakePlasticAlice

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2010
Messages
403
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I try to stay as far away from most of my family members as possible and keep any sort of interaction superficial. I am only open and honest with 3 family members...and all of those relationships took a LOT of work. I'm pretty much the black sheep of my family.
 

Such Irony

Honor Thy Inferior
Joined
Jul 23, 2010
Messages
5,059
MBTI Type
INtp
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I feel like I have to suppress some of my NT tendencies. Like questioning rules and traditions and why things are the way they are. My mom doesn't always grasp my drive for knowledge and she thinks some of the intellectual interests I pursue are a waste of time. So I don't bring them up in her presence, instead focusing more on areas we likely have a shared interest.
 
H

Hate

Guest
Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?

No

- Is there a role that you seem to fill?

Hell no

- How do you act differently than you normally do?

I don't, I act exactly the same.

- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

No

Why do you think this is so?

Because speaking for myself... 'family' is overrated.
 

highlander

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
26,562
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I suppose I'd have to say that I do act differently around my family than I do normally. I regress. If you looked at it in typological terms, I'd have more outward Te showing, not as much F in play, and probably regress on the Enneagram level as well. My people skills don't exactly go to shit - but I'm not at my best. It's like you fall into patterns you had when you were younger. It's not like people hold back their feelings in my family and there is a bit of a crazy interpersonal dynamic going on. We are all very different. Also, I've had some level of success and it seems to impact how they behave towards me (except my mom - she doesn't care :)). That feels quite odd and and disturbs me a bit.
 
T

ThatGirl

Guest
Well, to be honest, my family is loud, over powering, opinionated, and LOUD, clever but in an assholish kind of way.

When I get around them, I am probably quieter, more secluded, and judgmental. Reserved. My role in the family is fuel for their shit. It is what it is.

When I am alone, I may be more of the epitome of my family....

Take it as you will.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Try not to swear.

Extrovert more, since it keeps the conversation upbeat and lively.
 

xisnotx

Permabanned
Joined
Sep 24, 2010
Messages
2,144
I become more entp. I become a lot more sociable. Also I pretty much become the joker of the family. Also I become the person who tries to stop all the conflict. I also have an intj side to me if there is a problem that needs to be solved.
 

mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
i am at my best with my family, i think we have a great understanding
on how to interact with one other. which is odd because it's like
they all speak a different language, and i've always seen myself as the
translator in the family. translating parent language to kid language.
brother language to father language. mother language to sister language.
stuff like that.

i guess that's all i do. just translate... but not get involved.
i'm also the ... 'independent' one in the family. nobody really ever gets
in my way and i don't get in theirs. it's a great understanding.

so i dunno. i guess my role would be: freelance translator.
 

Amethyst

¡MI TORTA!
Joined
May 9, 2010
Messages
2,191
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?

Not really. I'm not as comfortable around them as I would be with close friends, but I'm much more comfortable with them than being at a job or meeting people etc. so I'm usually more myself and much more open about myself. Extended family is an entirely different story.

Is there a role that you seem to fill?

Not really...I seem to have the common sense out of everyone, as I'm much more impatient with them than anyone else about stuff like that.
-
How do you act differently than you normally do?

I don't curse as much, I don't talk about racy subjects as much, and I generally don't talk as much. If I do, it's usually an argument or a deep conversation or whatever.

- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

Probably my two leading functions, Ne (extremely exaggerated compared to usual), Se (not as much), and Ti (used a little less than Ne)

why do you think this is so?

Because I'm more comfortable with expressing myself and my thoughts around them than most other people.
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
Joined
Nov 4, 2007
Messages
14,081
MBTI Type
Yin
Enneagram
One
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I act very different. I reach my maximum emotional constriction around my family, become more terse, lose essentially all of my politeness, and withhold most of my opinions and any potentially sensitive information. I am very austere around my family, I think, though I can lighten up for some jokes.

I think non-family members think I am much nicer than my family does, for obvious reasons. I have a hard time imagining what so-called role I'd be filling among my family though.

I'm not really sure that I use any cognitive processes more. I do think you could say my Fi and Fe go way down (hard to say which one is more reduced), so I suppose it could be assumed that Ti and Te are amplified to fill in.

Why do I act this way? Well I don't even have to think about it, I do it like a chameleon changing color. But I figure I became this way because I'm somewhat emotionally estranged from my family. I have certain bones to pick with all of them, and I've also learned from experience that a lot of things can make me vulnerable, and vulnerable spots are not good to show around my family.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I used to have to behave a certain way when my grandfather was alive and his wife was around, because she was a controlling ESxJ freakazoid and I had to maintain a kind of image with her, which is hellishly weird and I honestly can't fathom how this made my grandfather feel, him being who he was. With my grandfather alone, not so much, except that I was either very quiet (which I actually am a lot in IRL) because he was quiet or babbled at him while he went "mmhmm" or "okay" or nodded his head, the latter of which may have caused a very strange personality pattern in myself, especially in my relationships with men. :dry:

As for my mom and sisters I can totally be myself, as much of myself as I could be with anyone, especially with just my sisters if my mom isn't around, but I'm still pretty comfortable with my mom - I mean hell she's an ESFP - the only thing is I can become extra snippy or sensitive around her, so I might be more emotional, but not always. It really depends on how she behaves.

With my family I would say the role I play is almost to be the one who is kind of a protector or who becomes authoritative in fucked up situations. I think for whatever reason I'm more assertive than my mother and sisters, though my ENFJ sister certainly knows how to take control, just in a different way, because she's more afraid of confrontation. My mother can become aggressive at bad times, but it's like she swings between passive and aggressive and never quite got a grip on "assertive."
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
My people skills don't exactly go to shit - but I'm not at my best. It's like you fall into patterns you had when you were younger.

Yeah, it's funny how that happens when you reenter family or (as another example) a group of your high-school peers.
People tend to drop back into their familiar prior roles.
 

slowriot

He who laughs
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
1,314
Enneagram
5w4
Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
- Is there a role that you seem to fill?
- How do you act differently than you normally do?
- Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

Why do you think this is so?

nope, why would I do that? but I think my sister might be.
 
Top