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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default Do You Act Differently Around Your Family?

    Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
    - Is there a role that you seem to fill?
    - How do you act differently than you normally do?
    - Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

    Why do you think this is so?
    Last edited by highlander; 12-28-2010 at 10:14 PM.

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  2. #2
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Not really that differently, but I'm nicer than normal (with some people) or less polite than normal (with others). I don't really fill a role.

    Just because I want to avoid conflict especially over the holidays, and with some of them I have that pleasant fairly shallow interaction where there's no need to really rock the boat when we only see each other a few times a year.

    Family is kindof a strange thing to me, though. My family isn't close or intimate at all - I would almost say I'm closer to the bf's family despite only knowing them a few years.
    -end of thread-

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I'm one of the oldest two kids among many. I think I'm a bit bossier around my younger siblings, actually, and I feel like I have to take a more active role than I would in normal interactions. I was talking to one of my sisters actually, how we both sort of have to trade off on this role, the person who is calm, and listens to the different sides when people are flipping out and tries to get people to be reasonable and tries to find a compromise or a solution.

    When everyone is happy and nobody's flipping out though I feel like I can be more myself than I can around a lot of people, like my family members (at least my immediate ones) won't think I'm really weird, because they are pretty weird too, and because they have known me for so long and will always love me.
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    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    I am more of an ENTP around my family when we are doing stuff like celebrating or eating together. Nevertheless, I eventually tire and need my INTP space/isolation again.
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  5. #5
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?
    Discounting the fact that I hold in any lewd/inappropriate jokes that come into my head, and discounting my lack of swearing, I don't act that differently around my family. Although now that I think about it, I usually set a good portion of my Te by the wayside when I'm getting things done with my mom - i.e. I become a lot more chill - because she's about five times more control-freakish and obsessive and detail oriented than I am, and I instinctively balance the mood out by just going along for the ride. That can be a little frustrating sometimes because, to a point, I don't like feeling controlled. But she means well; I understand where she's coming from. So I deal with it.
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  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
    - Is there a role that you seem to fill?
    - How do you act differently than you normally do?
    - Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?
    Why do you think this is so?
    As far as parents and siblings go, I feel like we don't have a family. We don't spend the holidays together, not as a group. I'll probably see my mom in a few weeks, and I'll see my sister on Thursday. My dad, I won't see. But even when we were together, it wasn't much of a family feel.

    Usually in my family, I end up having to accommodate SFJ mentality. Sensitive and respectful. That's typically all I ever did. If my children are there, since they know the "real me" far more, I'll be exhibiting my funny, imaginative side. If necessary, I'll use my rationality to resolve specific problems that come up or to frame a particular conversation, but the Fe thing dominates all and there's no one there to engage me on a different level.

    I honestly have a better time with my friends, even if I do love individual members of my family. At least with family of choice, I'm just me and don't have to rein in anything. I can be as intellectual or imaginative or inappropriately funny (while still being considerate) or sensitive/giving as I want, without fear of being unappreciated or misunderstood.

    Why does this happen? Because I feel like out of everyone in my family, from experience, none of them are capable of coming onto my turf, so if I want a relationship with them, I have to go on theirs. The most flexible/adaptable/strongest person has to carry the load. My choice basically has been, "Am I going to invest in this, or am I going to cut my losses?"

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Discounting the fact that I hold in any lewd/inappropriate jokes that come into my head, and discounting my lack of swearing, I don't act that differently around my family.
    I do tend to swear casually, or go all over the map, when I'm not with my parents/sib. But they're religious and I know they won't appreciate it; it's not worth going there with them.
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  7. #7
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    I don't say f*ck nearly as much...but sh*t, damn and hell are still on the table.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member FakePlasticAlice's Avatar
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    I try to stay as far away from most of my family members as possible and keep any sort of interaction superficial. I am only open and honest with 3 family members...and all of those relationships took a LOT of work. I'm pretty much the black sheep of my family.
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  9. #9
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I feel like I have to suppress some of my NT tendencies. Like questioning rules and traditions and why things are the way they are. My mom doesn't always grasp my drive for knowledge and she thinks some of the intellectual interests I pursue are a waste of time. So I don't bring them up in her presence, instead focusing more on areas we likely have a shared interest.
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  10. #10
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    Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?

    No

    - Is there a role that you seem to fill?

    Hell no

    - How do you act differently than you normally do?

    I don't, I act exactly the same.

    - Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

    No

    Why do you think this is so?

    Because speaking for myself... 'family' is overrated.

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