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Thread: Do You Act Differently Around Your Family?

  1. #11
    Administrator Array highlander's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
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    I suppose I'd have to say that I do act differently around my family than I do normally. I regress. If you looked at it in typological terms, I'd have more outward Te showing, not as much F in play, and probably regress on the Enneagram level as well. My people skills don't exactly go to shit - but I'm not at my best. It's like you fall into patterns you had when you were younger. It's not like people hold back their feelings in my family and there is a bit of a crazy interpersonal dynamic going on. We are all very different. Also, I've had some level of success and it seems to impact how they behave towards me (except my mom - she doesn't care ). That feels quite odd and and disturbs me a bit.

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  2. #12


    Well, to be honest, my family is loud, over powering, opinionated, and LOUD, clever but in an assholish kind of way.

    When I get around them, I am probably quieter, more secluded, and judgmental. Reserved. My role in the family is fuel for their shit. It is what it is.

    When I am alone, I may be more of the epitome of my family....

    Take it as you will.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Array
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    Aug 2010


    Try not to swear.

    Extrovert more, since it keeps the conversation upbeat and lively.

  4. #14
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    I become more entp. I become a lot more sociable. Also I pretty much become the joker of the family. Also I become the person who tries to stop all the conflict. I also have an intj side to me if there is a problem that needs to be solved.

  5. #15
    meinmeinmein! Array mmhmm's Avatar
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    Jul 2010


    i am at my best with my family, i think we have a great understanding
    on how to interact with one other. which is odd because it's like
    they all speak a different language, and i've always seen myself as the
    translator in the family. translating parent language to kid language.
    brother language to father language. mother language to sister language.
    stuff like that.

    i guess that's all i do. just translate... but not get involved.
    i'm also the ... 'independent' one in the family. nobody really ever gets
    in my way and i don't get in theirs. it's a great understanding.

    so i dunno. i guess my role would be: freelance translator.
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  6. #16
    ¡MI TORTA! Array Amethyst's Avatar
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    May 2010
    7w8 so/sx
    SLE Ti


    Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally?

    Not really. I'm not as comfortable around them as I would be with close friends, but I'm much more comfortable with them than being at a job or meeting people etc. so I'm usually more myself and much more open about myself. Extended family is an entirely different story.

    Is there a role that you seem to fill?

    Not really...I seem to have the common sense out of everyone, as I'm much more impatient with them than anyone else about stuff like that.
    How do you act differently than you normally do?

    I don't curse as much, I don't talk about racy subjects as much, and I generally don't talk as much. If I do, it's usually an argument or a deep conversation or whatever.

    - Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

    Probably my two leading functions, Ne (extremely exaggerated compared to usual), Se (not as much), and Ti (used a little less than Ne)

    why do you think this is so?

    Because I'm more comfortable with expressing myself and my thoughts around them than most other people.

  7. #17
    He pronks, too! Array Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    One sx/sp


    I act very different. I reach my maximum emotional constriction around my family, become more terse, lose essentially all of my politeness, and withhold most of my opinions and any potentially sensitive information. I am very austere around my family, I think, though I can lighten up for some jokes.

    I think non-family members think I am much nicer than my family does, for obvious reasons. I have a hard time imagining what so-called role I'd be filling among my family though.

    I'm not really sure that I use any cognitive processes more. I do think you could say my Fi and Fe go way down (hard to say which one is more reduced), so I suppose it could be assumed that Ti and Te are amplified to fill in.

    Why do I act this way? Well I don't even have to think about it, I do it like a chameleon changing color. But I figure I became this way because I'm somewhat emotionally estranged from my family. I have certain bones to pick with all of them, and I've also learned from experience that a lot of things can make me vulnerable, and vulnerable spots are not good to show around my family.
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  8. #18
    No Array Thalassa's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    SEE Fi


    I used to have to behave a certain way when my grandfather was alive and his wife was around, because she was a controlling ESxJ freakazoid and I had to maintain a kind of image with her, which is hellishly weird and I honestly can't fathom how this made my grandfather feel, him being who he was. With my grandfather alone, not so much, except that I was either very quiet (which I actually am a lot in IRL) because he was quiet or babbled at him while he went "mmhmm" or "okay" or nodded his head, the latter of which may have caused a very strange personality pattern in myself, especially in my relationships with men.

    As for my mom and sisters I can totally be myself, as much of myself as I could be with anyone, especially with just my sisters if my mom isn't around, but I'm still pretty comfortable with my mom - I mean hell she's an ESFP - the only thing is I can become extra snippy or sensitive around her, so I might be more emotional, but not always. It really depends on how she behaves.

    With my family I would say the role I play is almost to be the one who is kind of a protector or who becomes authoritative in fucked up situations. I think for whatever reason I'm more assertive than my mother and sisters, though my ENFJ sister certainly knows how to take control, just in a different way, because she's more afraid of confrontation. My mother can become aggressive at bad times, but it's like she swings between passive and aggressive and never quite got a grip on "assertive."
    "Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul." - Edward Abbey

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  9. #19
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    My people skills don't exactly go to shit - but I'm not at my best. It's like you fall into patterns you had when you were younger.
    Yeah, it's funny how that happens when you reenter family or (as another example) a group of your high-school peers.
    People tend to drop back into their familiar prior roles.
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  10. #20
    He who laughs Array
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    Dec 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Many of us have spent time with our families over the holidays. Do you find that you act differently around your parents and siblings than you do normally? Specifically,
    - Is there a role that you seem to fill?
    - How do you act differently than you normally do?
    - Do you find that you exaggerate certain cognitive functions compared to normal?

    Why do you think this is so?
    nope, why would I do that? but I think my sister might be.

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