Interesting new ideas and subjects really interest me. Sometimes I feel a sudden urge to draw or write, but it just seems that I want to experience it all and I can’t get anything out. Insights, when I’m reading or watching something, is what I live for. I see someone die on television and think of death and it’s circumstances and sometimes I cry. It always makes me happy to watch little children play, and lately it was to my heart’s joy that I saw little girls in white dresses and veils and little boys in their suits, leave Church just after their First Communion.
I think I can tolerate a lot of external stimulation. Interesting conversations can usually get me very excited and talking so much that one would think I’m actually extroverted. When I do get tired, or more properly, when the conversation transitions into something less interesting I just sit back and listen to what they say and continue living in my head. Really, I can handle external stimulation as long as it gets along with my interests and ideas.
My internal world is very hard to explain. I want to talk about it so much, but I can only say so much. I talk to myself and form fake conversations with other people (really annoys me when I do that, I’m trying to stop now, the fake conversations part that is…I like talking to myself). My internal world I would think is what I focus on the external world taken in and idealized. Flowers comes out as the meaning of beauty, a book comes out as a whole new world, and an idea is played out in my imagination. My internal world is probably my whole world, I see the world through it, and, most of the time, I see the world through it.
I don’t know how much alone time I need because I usually get it and more than enough even if I don’t try. I have my own room and hardly anyone goes in. How much time along I need really depends on my mood. When I’m happy, I probably want to go outside or talk to someone (or listen to someone). When I’m in a bad mood, I pretty much ignore everybody because I need to think through every feeling and every action. This kind of comes out as a bad habit because people think I’m mad at them, when I’m really not.
I think what most people don’t know about introverts, for me at least, is that when I’m not responding much to what you say, you probably need to leave me alone. I can’t handle with my problems with other people saying some of their advice, even if they do mean well. I need someone to listen, not to correct or criticize or even praise. I just need someone to listen, because sometimes being introverted gets to introverts and we want to get it out, but extroverts just can’t help talking over us, and I tend to sulk more.