The things we do. Why do we do them? Well...mostly because we want to. We generally do what we want, and we perceive that as being our own decision. Most of the time it is us who decide what to do with our lives, influenced by different factors.
What we think. Same here, we think about what we want, and other obsessions that we may not want, we build our own concepts about the world we live in, etc.
But what if some of the things we do or think, are just patterns, repeating themselves throughout our lives?
These patterns aren't really conscious, as they have been formed a long time ago, in times that we don't really remember much from. And not necessary patterns, simple thoughts, opinions etc.
So if we have these patterns, is it actually true saying that we do what we want, and think what we want?
It seems to me that some things aren't really formed that independent.
For example...I'm going to give pretty much a common example:
A girl who was ugly or fat when she was a kid, and kids would make fun of her because of that, who grows to be really hot and gorgeous.
But she doesn't really think that she is hot and gorgeous, because 15 years ago she thought to herself, 'I am ugly', or 'I am fat' so ...these thoughts persisted throughout time.
So she thinks something, which for her is true, but her thought is based on a thought that first appeared a long time ago.
Why did it stay that way?
Possibly because of the emotional impact.
A guy has parents who don't really let him do what he wants, and always making him study more, or stay at home instead of going out , quite authoritarian.
When he grows up he goes in the army.
What the fuck?!
Of course, he decided to go there, but if his parents would have been nicer, not so damn army-like , would he have still chose to go in the army????
Is that decision his, or does he only think that it's his decision. I just don't want him going into Afganistan, it's stupid, we're in Romania, and send troops in Afganistan.
Ok, back to the pattern thing.
Feeling slightly different as a kid. That can persist and you may think that when you grow up, it will be slightly more elaborate, some kind of alienation.
You think you're different, but you don't think you're different because you thought you were different when you were a kid, you think you're different because you really are. Which is not true. I'm talking about me here.
Feeling lonely as a kid, it can persist, or can appear later in life, even though you are far from alone....but you feel it...and it's just bitter.
You feel alone. And yet you are not.
Anxious parents who take you to the doctor a lot when you're a kid, thinking that you're some kind of Humpy Dumpy. Hypochondria when you're all grown up.
Coincidence?! I don't think so.
I want to chose when to think I am sick, when I am actually sick, not thinking that I am sick because my mother thought I was sick all the time when I was a kid.
Not having things when you're a kid. Turns into thinking of not having enough things when you grow up, even though you may be a billionaire.
Parents who criticize you too much when you're a kid because it is them who are the actual freaks, turns you into some perfection freak, never being good enough.
Is there one?
Repeating shit over and over, reliving things, reliving relationships, we choose that?
I don't think so.
And yet we have this illusion of choice. Of course it cannot be generalized, it's only for this case.
It's interesting how the human mind does things that do not serve any actual evolution purpose, things that make us flawed, flawed and yet we cannot fully understand how our brain works.
I remember Darwin's turtles with long necks, which adapted to the environment because vegetation started growing up high.
Shouldn't we as species, dump this stupid crap? I mean...we've been living for quite some time, unless this pattern thing actually serves a purpose, that we don't understand. But I don't think so.
This proverb comes in my mind...The apple never falls far from the tree.....I guess some never deviate much from their pattern course.