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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default The Meaning Of Respect

    I have been thinking lately about the importance of respect. For me, this is an important thing. I don't know if all human beings feel this way, it is characteristic to an NT personality, or something else.

    I think there is a spectrum. You see, I can appreciate a person for who they are. I can care about them. However, one of the most important things I can bestow upon someone is to respect them. The deeper this respect is - the more this *really means something*. For me to have deep admiration and respect for a person - I must tell you - is not something that I do easily or often. It almost in a way is as if I am giving away something of myself. I am humbled by this person. It has nothing to do with who they are. I have to have interaction with this person to feel this way. The feelings start to come quickly but it is only over time that the deep admiration or respect is felt.

    Yet for others, I am not sure that this means so much. They care about other things more. They may not even notice.

    Any thoughts on this? How do you feel about respect - either being respected or respecting others? How important is it to you?

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  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    In my opinion, respect is HUGE to any NT types. Great thread!

    For myself, there are levels of respect.

    1. Someone who through their actions or verbiage, has lost my respect.
    2. The common respect and courtesy to all other individuals, given at first interaction and maintained if they maintain their part.
    3. The respect of someone who has said or done things that deserve a greater level of respect because of wisdom, balance, intelligence and other factors.
    4. The admiration and respect for someone who consistently lives what they say (wisdom, intelligence, balance and other factors).

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I have been thinking lately about the importance of respect. For me, this is an important thing. I don't know if all human beings feel this way, it is characteristic to an NT personality, or something else.

    I think there is a spectrum. You see, I can appreciate a person for who they are. I can care about them. However, one of the most important things I can bestow upon someone is to respect them. The deeper this respect is - the more this *really means something*. For me to have deep admiration and respect for a person - I must tell you - is not something that I do easily or often. It almost in a way is as if I am giving away something of myself. I am humbled by this person. It has nothing to do with who they are. I have to have interaction with this person to feel this way. The feelings start to come quickly but it is only over time that the deep admiration or respect is felt.

    Yet for others, I am not sure that this means so much. They care about other things more. They may not even notice.

    Any thoughts on this? How do you feel about respect - either being respected or respecting others? How important is it to you?
    I have to agree with a lot of this.. and it's certainly an issue I am presently embroiled in battle of sanity over.

    To me respect and value are almost interchangeable.. How many sentences could you replace each word for the other and still have the exact same meaning?

    The most important things I can bestow upon someone is to respect them. The deeper this respect is - the more this *really means something*. For me to have deep admiration and respect for a person - I must tell you - is not something that I do easily or often. It almost in a way is as if I am giving away something of myself. I am humbled by this person
    This resonates so loudly my ears are ringing..

    Yet for others, I am not sure that this means so much. They care about other things more. They may not even notice.
    This is even louder...


    I think in my case.. respect is everything.. It's just that what people "value" is a difficult thing to synchronize.

    "Respect" means to me.. That my rights, needs and wants end where yours begin. That your rights ,wants and needs end where mine begin.

    A lot of people have died in the name of respect and/or disrespect..
    It is an extremely serious issue that the human race faces daily as a whole and, as individuals.

    I trip over people's respect daily and they trip over mine..

    I am out of ideas

  4. #4
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    There is something about this that makes sense.
    I sort of see it in two ways-respect on the surface as a display-"respect your elders" for instance which mostly means not to say rude things or argue with them.

    The other kind of respect is something deeper. It is like an emotional bond but without intimacy. It is almost an acknowledgment on my part that that person is of a caliber that I can rely/trust/count on them/integrity/admiration. Perhaps these are things I have to see/feel to have respect for someone. Respect means their opinion carries enormous worth and critique is of great value. respect involves depth, but it deosnt feel like it takes away anything from me, or opens me to weakness-thats an emo bond -...oddly more that by finding people I can respect, it gives me strength that I can seek to embody the characteristics they display as a goal. A growth path forward, a destination.

    now I can be problematic as very often if i have a great deal of respect for someone, and I see they are incorrect or want to learn from them, I will challenge them and question them and push them if I feel they are incorrect. Thus i conflict over the two types of respect i called out above.

    I had an ENTJ i worked for that i had enormous respect for to the point of hero worship. I utterly adored the guy in a man crush sort of way. Hehehe. i sat in a design review meeting for the final stage of a software release and called out the massive issues with our software in fron of about 40 folks-because nobody had told him how bad the software was. He fixed it. But I respected him so much, that I couldnt have not said anything-I couldnt have let him produce something he would not be proud of as I knew how high his standards were-so I was "disrespectful" in one sense out of profound respect. But it feels a touch emo-just a touch.

    Like intense connection about something greater and not about me. Yup, i dunno...

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    I have a huge problem with respect. I dont believe respect should be given unless it is earned. I dont give hand outs here, its a character flaw, but a also a good thing. I also dont really respect a person overall. I respect parts of them and in certain areas. No matter how much you try, if you go about things in a un-cooth way, I will respect you for trying, but not for the way you go about things. My respect for pepople is like a constantly changing 3 dimensional wave built up over time.

  6. #6
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    I am the biggest fan of honesty, a derivitive of respect. I generally start out respecting everyone until they do something in which I can no longer do so, but in general if they can prove to me that their actions were correct in that context I can even forgive that. There isn't much that keeps me from respecting people, besides the whole meaninglessly killing people and mass murder. Justification for that is generally impossible.

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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post

    The other kind of respect is something deeper. It is like an emotional bond but without intimacy. It is almost an acknowledgment on my part that that person is of a caliber that I can rely/trust/count on them/integrity/admiration. Perhaps these are things I have to see/feel to have respect for someone. Respect means their opinion carries enormous worth and critique is of great value. respect involves depth, but it deosnt feel like it takes away anything from me, or opens me to weakness-thats an emo bond -...oddly more that by finding people I can respect, it gives me strength that I can seek to embody the characteristics they display as a goal. A growth path forward, a destination.
    Right - that's close to how I feel about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post

    now I can be problematic as very often if i have a great deal of respect for someone, and I see they are incorrect or want to learn from them, I will challenge them and question them and push them if I feel they are incorrect. Thus i conflict over the two types of respect i called out above.
    Agree here too. I sometimes feel if I don't respect this person, it is almost not worth disagreeing. Why invest the energy? Yet, some people see this disagreement as a lack of respect. I wish they would understand that if they didn't matter to me, I wouldn't risk or expend energy on the conflict.

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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Poki_ View Post
    I have a huge problem with respect. I dont believe respect should be given unless it is earned. I dont give hand outs here, its a character flaw, but a also a good thing. I also dont really respect a person overall. I respect parts of them and in certain areas. No matter how much you try, if you go about things in a un-cooth way, I will respect you for trying, but not for the way you go about things. My respect for pepople is like a constantly changing 3 dimensional wave built up over time.
    I think most people feel similar to you - that is respect is earned. That being said - what is the problem you say you have? Is it that you may not communicate with people in a respectful manner if you don't yet respect them? I think they are two different things.

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    Respect can be a complicated thing at times. In my church group recently there was a discussion by the men about what is respect and there were a few answers:

    Feeling a sense of value or significance. The notion that "I matter."

    Acknowledging the other person's culture and values. This could be knowing traditions within their culture that show you understand how things are done.

    Having the freedom to do what I want. Being trusted in any situation.

    That said, I tend to give everyone a default amount of respect and depending on their responses, this can go up or down over time. For those that want to say respect has to be earned first, do you intentionally disrespect every stranger you see in the world? If not, isn't that showing them some respect that you don't get in their face and make their life miserable? Just something to ponder as while there is how much one respects in the world there is also the flip side of how much suffering and anguish can one inflict in trying to hurt others

    I can also see respect as the intellectual equivalent of the feeling of love. While there can be that emotion of caring and feeling concern, respect is thinking of someone and wondering how they are doing and how they do things so well.

    Loyalty and honor also have a place towards the high end of respect to my mind. Those who merit my loyalty and I honor tend to be those I highly respect. That doesn't mean I'll agree with all that they do but I can admire who they are and want to improve parts of myself by seeing a better model before me. Just a few more thoughts to add to the discussion here.

  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I don't care about this facet of relationships that much. I try to be relatively equanimous, that is, quite friendly amicable and hospitable with whoever I like. When it comes to notions such as "respect", they're generally tied to competence: if I need specific information and-or how tos I will try to contact someone which I respect as an expert on the subject matter.

    I generally clash pretty badly with people that follow a philosophy such as "respect has to be earned". Unless, of course, they're referring to competence about a certain subject and-or activity.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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