College Roommate Pairing

[wedekit]

I'm going to be in charge of roommate pairing for the upcoming semester. We have basically no true method of doing this. We ask things like "What music do you prefer?" as a basis, which to me does NOT suggest two people getting along.

I've read that the MBTI is ineffective when pairing roommates, so that's out of the question. I can probably get away with giving a questionnaire because I found a research article that suggests roommate compatibility and academic achievement are correlated. I don't know much about the enneagram, but I don't think it would be much more help than the MBTI (but I could be wrong). If anyone thinks otherwise about the enneagram I would be willing to hear you out. I could use the brief test found at Identifying Your Personality Type : The Wisdom of the Enneagram as the questionnaire if someone could show me some sort of evidence or reason it could work.

Other than that, has anyone read anything about effective ways to determine compatibility between people as far as being roommates? Right now the only solution I have found is to ask what time they prefer to go to sleep, if they mind having a messy room, and if they would feel comfortable letting their roommate borrow something if they asked.

We just have a lot of roommate conflicts here (most between women) and I know how stressful that can be, so I want to try and minimize it as much as I can. I'm already trying to convince my boss to let me put on a Living With a Roommate 101 lecture type thing, but having initial roommate compatibility would make the course even more beneficial to them.

Thanks for any help!

 

[ygolo]

Ideally, the first question on the list should be a two parter:

1) Is there someone in particular you would like to be your roommate? Yes No
Is so, who? ___________________________

Then you would add:
If you answered yes to part 1, you can skip the rest of the questionaire.



That's what I liked. I only had three semesters where I didn't pick my roommate by name. Two of them were good, the third was not.

 

[Urchin]

I think the more externally apparent MBTI attributes are represented through roomate-matching forms (in general). "Do you like having people in your room or do you like a quiet place to study?" correlates (albeit roughly) to Extraversion/Introversion. "Are you messy or neat?" correlates (even more roughly) to whether a person judges or perceives externally. These surveys don't focus on optimal compatability, however, they focus on optimal worst-case pairing.

 

[wedekit]

Ideally, the first question on the list should be a two parter:

1) Is there someone in particular you would like to be your roommate? Yes No
Is so, who? ___________________________

Then you would add:
If you answered yes to part 1, you can skip the rest of the questionaire.



That's what I liked. I only had three semesters where I didn't pick my roommate by name. Two of them were good, the third was not.

Well yes, that's a given, but only upperclassmen tend to know someone they would prefer to room with. Most Freshmen who come here don't know anyone; I guess I should have mentioned that I am mostly concerned about Freshmen. Sorry about that.

But yeah, we have roommate request forms.

 

[miss fortune]

the first time I met my best friend/favorite roommate we HATED each other! she thought I was a wild child and I thought that she was judging me

In the end we got along really well because we had similar living habits (same bed time, both of us did our homework during the day and spent the evenings hanging out, we liked the same parties) and both of us were willing to compromise to make sure that our living arrangements worked out well for both of us!

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

I like ygolo's first question. That makes things a lot easier. I had a few different roommates in college, and I think compatibility in these areas are important to getting along:

1. Bedtimes (like you said)
2. Level of neatness (like you said)
3. Attitude towards having guests around a lot, including girls/guys staying over
4. Study habits
5. Whether they want cable TV, phone service, or any other bill that would need to be split

 

[wedekit]

I like ygolo's first question. That makes things a lot easier. I had a few different roommates in college, and I think compatibility in these areas are important to getting along:

1. Bedtimes (like you said)
2. Level of neatness (like you said)
3. Attitude towards having guests around a lot, including girls/guys staying over
4. Study habits
5. Whether they want cable TV, phone service, or any other bill that would need to be split

the first time I met my best friend/favorite roommate we HATED each other! she thought I was a wild child and I thought that she was judging me

In the end we got along really well because we had similar living habits (same bed time, both of us did our homework during the day and spent the evenings hanging out, we liked the same parties) and both of us were willing to compromise to make sure that our living arrangements worked out well for both of us!

I'll take note of this. These are very valid traits to pair people with.

 

[Grayscale]

getting a roommate that you dislike is a good opportunity to learn cooperation and diplomacy

 

[wedekit]

getting a roommate that you dislike is a good opportunity to learn cooperation and diplomacy

This is my opinion as well, but after two weeks of living here we allow residents to apply for a roommate change (if they can find someone to swap places with or if there is available space elsewhere). Because they have this option most roommates don't even try to take it as a learning opportunity. If we take this option away we'll have a thousand parents calling and complaining.

We've actually had a total of 1 male friendly roommate change (two residents switch rooms with each other to be with their best friends; had no conflicts) and about 20+ female unfriendly roommate changes. Males tend to be more tolerant of each other, but I would like to make it so they don't have to stress through it. If we can lower the amount of roommate conflicts it would make our lives SO much easier. I know nothing will be perfect and there will always be incompatible roommates, but I would like to try and reduce it.

 

[Carebear]

getting a roommate that you dislike is a good opportunity to learn cooperation and diplomacy

Agreed, but things like bedtime, having friends over, neatness etc can be so straining that it erodes any chance of learning cooperation and diplomacy. It's more than enough to try to overcome T/F, I/E, N/S, J/P and individual differences. (And yes, neatness, having friends over etc can be related to MBTI, but it's far from a given. (Es preferring to meet people out and having their private space a sanctuary, Is preferring to invite a few close friends over instead of going out, Ps being sticklers for neatness, Js being lazy, messy people etc.))

 

[Zergling]

We've actually had a total of 1 male friendly roommate change (two residents switch rooms with each other to be with their best friends; had no conflicts) and about 20+ female unfriendly roommate changes. Males tend to be more tolerant of each other, but I would like to make it so they don't have to stress through it. If we can lower the amount of roommate conflicts it would make our lives SO much easier. I know nothing will be perfect and there will always be incompatible roommates, but I would like to try and reduce it.

Any idea where the male/female difference comes from?

 

[wedekit]

Female residents have either/or thinking when it comes to roommates.

"Either I like her or I don't like her and I want a new roommate". If one roommate doesn't like the other, she then starts gossiping about her to others and eventually the other finds out and they have one big fight. I really can't describe the dynamics in words right now but I'll ponder it. Basically, I think women are more territorial than men. I think the most common mistake is that at least one of the two girls forgets that she is sharing a room and she has a lot of friends over, leaves her clothes everywhere, sleeps until 3:00 p.m. etc.

I have a lot of these problems with my current roommate but I keep my mouth shut and try to fix things the best I can. He is a very smelly person and I can walk in and be slapped in the face by his odor. What did I do? I didn't complain for a roommate change; I bought an odor eliminating plug-in and I replace it every two weeks.

 

[miss fortune]

ugh- that sounds like my freshman year roommate who staked out the whole room as hers, left things sitting all around and woke up at 5 am and was noisy- no matter how much I complained I pretty much moved out once another friend's roommate left and I could spend my time in her room

some people don't get along with any roommate no matter WHO you put them with

 

[Randomnity]

The things my housemates and I conflict the most about are:

-quiet-times ("having fun" for some = "being loud" to others)
-doing chores, and what "clean" means -- this one by far is the worst!
-having guests over

That's about it. But really, this is all pretty pointless, because 2 reasonable people will usually be able to work out a compromise...and an unreasonable person will cause problems regardless. So I wouldn't stress too much about it.

 

[proteanmix]

In my experience, these have been the biggest issues with roommates.

1. Age differences
The fresh faced 18 yo's are so happy to be out of the house that they go buckwild. When you have a senior who's trying to get ready for life outside the college bubble, jobs/interviews, graduate school, lamenting over the last class they're in danger of failing, etc. they're mentalities are on two completely different continents and tend to clash.

2. Guests/Noise
When I was in one of my two triples, my other roommates BFs would spend the weekend almost every single weekend and some weeknights. That may be a problem for people that like to have their private space.

3. Sharing
Some people have more lax attitudes about sharing and others are counting every sheet of toilet paper that gets used. Help roommates figure out appropriate and reasonable levels of sharing. If you're living in close quarters with someone and they think it's OK to use your computer and download porn (true story!) or use all your toothpaste and because everyone agreed to share then there was probably a lack of clarity for sharing boundaries.

4. Security
You may want to find out what roommates ideas on security are. Depending on the size of your campus and crime this can become an issue. If one roommate is from a small town where they rarely lock doors and the other grew up in the city, there may be problems. I've know people that have had their laptops and gaming systems stolen while they were sleeping in the room.

5. Neatness/Cleaning
This is the absolute worse. I've had roommates that have let the fruit liquefy in the fruit bowl and we had to combat a swarm of fruit flies for a couple of weeks. This particular set of roommates were so bad I had weekly appointments with a counselor to help figure out ways to deal with them.

Here are some questions I had to answer for an internship I once applied for that offered housing. I thought it was really thorough and appreciated the fact that this was thought of. I wouldn't use them to screen people, just as a way to identify possible conflicts. These may be illegal questions though.

1. Have you had or have any life-controlling (mental, emotional, and/or relational) issues.
2. Have you ever sought help for psychological problems? (sexual, emotional, relational)
3. Have you ever attempted or considered suicide? If so, please describe.
4. Do you currently wrestle with suicidal thoughts?

As with most relationships, it usually comes down to willingness to communicate. My worse set of roommates was two against two and by the end of the school year we were communicating through post-it notes. Other random roommate horror stories I've been regaled with are pets hidden away in rooms, hardcore drug abuse (cocaine, ecstasy), alcoholics, abusive boyfriends, and one of my friends caught her roommate taking her hair out of hair brush for a spell and chanting over her bed.

 

[Ivy]

getting a roommate that you dislike is a good opportunity to learn cooperation and diplomacy

I prefer to practice those skills outside of my living space.

 

[cafe]

I think the most common mistake is that at least one of the two girls forgets that she is sharing a room and she has a lot of friends over, leaves her clothes everywhere, sleeps until 3:00 p.m. etc.

I think that's why my first roommate left me.

 

[swordpath]

I'd ask:

1. Are you a clean freak or not?

2. Do you like peace and quiet or are you more outgoing and social?

Because to me, those seem like the two main areas that people living together would butt heads over. If you need cleanliness and organization, yet you live with someone that is a pig and doesn't give a damn, that can be pretty stressing, frustrating and just an overall distraction. Same applies with living with someone that enjoys having people over a lot, hosting parties, talking/joking on a regular basis. If you're one who doesn't like living in that atmosphere and would rather your living space to be more serene, coupling opposites like that isn't a great idea and it could cause conflicts.

 

[swordpath]

I prefer to practice those skills outside of my living space.

backed.

 

[SolitaryPenguin]

Maybe you should set it up as one of those speed dating things that have gotten so popular lately (I am only partly joking, the idea is intriguing to me)

Get all those freshmen/women in a room with a bunch of tables and let them spend 5 minutes with each other figuring out if they think they would get along with them or not. Maybe give them an idea of what they should be asking, but let them run with it. If anything, it would be an interesting social experiment.