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  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Default What would you do in these situations?

    These are some hypothetical situations I'm curious to see what people would do. I'd prefer you choose one option and explain why you choose it, but if no option fits what you would do or think, please give your alternative and why.

    Situation 1
    A friend of yours buys a new car. They say they bought it because:
    1. It's a hybrid, low emissions vehicle OR
    2. The price was a bargain and it gets good gas mileage OR
    3. A friend of their's has one just like it and they wanted one too.

    Are any of these answers more or less justifiable to you?

    Situation 2
    You have a friend who smokes indoors with their young children (under 10) living in the house with them. They've smoked since you've known them and are aware about the dangers of smoking, but you feel now that they have kids they should really try to quit. You:
    1. Say nothing. It's none of your business and they make their own choices.
    2. Occasionally OR frequently mention to the friend that it's not healthy to smoke and try to find ways to help them quit.
    3. Avoid coming to their house or being with them with their kids, so you don't have to see them smoking in front of their children.


    Situation 3
    You enjoy burning scented candles and incense because you find them relaxing and soothing. One day, your roommate comes to you and says they're sensitive to fragrances and asks you not to burn them. You can tell your roommate is nervous and looks uncomfortable while asking you. They have not made any previous requests of you and your relationship is good. What do you do?

    Situation 4
    You're in college and find a scholarship that would greatly relieve your financial burden of paying for school. The only hitch is that you can be no more than a college freshman in order to be eligible. You are midway through the first semester of your sophomore year and know the current semester is not yet reflected on your transcript. The organization giving the scholarship will make a decision before your transcript is updated to reflect your sophomore status. This means only you know you don't technically qualify. Do you send in your application for the scholarship with a transcript reflecting you are still a college freshman? If you get the scholarship do you take the money?

    Situation 5
    You're at the grocery store and about to go to through check out. You realize you picked up more items than what you intended. Do you:
    1. Take all the extra items back to their original spots.
    2. Put them back on the shelves closest to you.

    Situation 6
    You use a public restroom and wash and dry your hands. You throw the paper towel to the trash can but miss. You're in the bathroom alone. Do you:
    1. Pick it up and trash it
    2. Leave w/o picking it up
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    #1. None of them, or all of them, since what car a friend buys is none of my business. Nor is what car I buy, their business. There is nothing to justify.
    #2. Option 1. It's none of my business.
    #3. Depends. Is the candle in my bedroom or a room we both use, such as the living room? If the former, I do not bend. It's my private room. If the latter, I buy unscented candles and use those. No big deal.
    #4. Nope. Not my style.
    #5. Neither. I'd pay for them, of course.
    #6. Usually I pick it up, but I have been known to say, "Ahhh screw it."

  3. #3
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Situation 1
    A friend of yours buys a new car. They say they bought it because:
    It's a hybrid, low emissions vehicle OR
    The price was a bargain and it gets good gas mileage OR
    A friend of their's has one just like it and they wanted one too.
    Are any of these answers more or less justifiable to you?
    people buy cars for a whole bunch of different reasons, don't really need to justify anything--it's their choice.

    Situation 2
    You have a friend who smokes indoors with their young children (under 10) living in the house with them. They've smoked since you've known them and are aware about the dangers of smoking, but you feel now that they have kids they should really try to quit. You:
    Say nothing. It's none of your business and they make their own choices.
    Occasionally OR frequently mention to the friend that it's not healthy to smoke and try to find ways to help them quit.
    Avoid coming to their house or being with them with their kids, so you don't have to see them smoking in front of their children.
    none of my business really. they're aware about the dangers, so there's nothing else to say.

    Situation 3
    You enjoy burning scented candles and incense because you find them relaxing and soothing. One day, your roommate comes to you and says they're sensitive to fragrances and asks you not to burn them. You can tell your roommate is nervous and looks uncomfortable while asking you. They have not made any previous requests of you and your relationship is good. What do you do?
    i get a second job so i can afford to live without a roommate. while saving money, i'll still burn stuff in my room.

    Situation 4
    You're in college and find a scholarship that would greatly relieve your financial burden of paying for school. The only hitch is that you can be no more than a college freshman in order to be eligible. You are midway through the first semester of your sophomore year and know the current semester is not yet reflected on your transcript. The organization giving the scholarship will make a decision before your transcript is updated to reflect your sophomore status. This means only you know you don't technically qualify. Do you send in your application for the scholarship with a transcript reflecting you are still a college freshman? If you get the scholarship do you take the money?
    no. waste of time, next.

    Situation 5
    You're at the grocery store and about to go to through check out. You realize you picked up more items than what you intended. Do you:
    Take all the extra items back to their original spots.
    Put them back on the shelves closest to you.
    i tell them at the check out i don't want it anymore and leave it there. i do this all the time.

    Situation 6
    You use a public restroom and wash and dry your hands. You throw the paper towel to the trash can but miss. You're in the bathroom alone. Do you:
    Pick it up and trash it
    Leave w/o picking it up
    i pick it up.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  4. #4
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Situation 1 Depending on their answer it may lead to an interesting conversation but I really have no judgement to pass on what others do in order to see one answer as more justifiable than any other.

    Situation 2 I'm not comfortable when I see this, the child is not having a say. If they're a good friend I'd likely attempt to use whatever manipulators I could to make them not do it around their kids, it's often a lost cause though so avoiding spending time at their house would be the next best option.

    Situation 3 Find something that doesn't bother them. Tension between roommates isn't worth the relaxing and soothing effect of incense, all in all standing against them would be quite counter-productive.

    Situation 4 Don't really know how the US college system works but I have no desire to study something I've already gone over.

    Situation 5 Leave them at the check out /lazy

    Situation 6 6 to one, half a dozen the other.

  5. #5
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Situation 1 - #2 as practical matters are most important to me in that regard. Behind that would be if I knew anyone else who had experience with the same type of car and had been pleased with it. Bonus would be if it was lower in emissions, as I feel like anything that I'm purchasing would at least be meeting a standard acceptable level anyway and there's a big price difference and sometimes efficiency difference with hybrids.

    Situation 2 - #3 it would bother me since they are involving people that have no choice in the matter and whose health will be negatively impacted through no fault of their own. I wouldn't avoid seeing them with their kids, but maybe going to their house. I may talk about it if it came up naturally to get a better understanding of whether they lack information, they think it will be too hard to quit, they don't understand the severity of the effects on their children's health (or haven't considered something important) or they just simply don't want to and would adjust my course of action from there.

    Situation 3 - Probably the third. If it's something that is only a little preference, but makes a big difference to someone else and they aren't being unreasonable in how they approach it, then I'd try to accommodate. I might consider the public space vs private space thing, although for some people that's no fix because the air circulates throughout the whole living space. Depends on the severity of the condition/dislike. If I cared a lot, I'd probably ask them questions so I better understood how much it affected them.

    Situation 4 - Dunno. Wouldn't want to lie, so I'd probably explain the circumstances and see if I still could qualify. Sometimes they don't get good applicants or many applicants and sometimes people are more open to make changes than you might think. I'd make sure they knew about the transcript situation though.

    Situation 5 - Honestly? Number 2, although if I thought I needed the item anyhow, I'd get it.

    Situation 6 - I'd pick it up. I do that at ATMs too - even picking up the surrounding slips of paper littered here and there. I didn't always but one time seeing my uncle do it without saying anything kind of impacted me. I'm careless about other stuff like that though - it's mostly in those two situations I'd do that kind of thing.

  6. #6
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    These are some hypothetical situations I'm curious to see what people would do. I'd prefer you choose one option and explain why you choose it, but if no option fits what you would do or think, please give your alternative and why.

    Situation 1
    A friend of yours buys a new car.
    This illicits no reaction from me. I guess if the person bought a gas guzzling SUV or something you could say there is an ethical component to their buying decision but those all seem like valid reasons to buy a car.

    Situation 2
    You have a friend who smokes indoors with their young children (under 10) living in the house with them. They've smoked since you've known them and are aware about the dangers of smoking, but you feel now that they have kids they should really try to quit. You:
    1. Say nothing. It's none of your business and they make their own choices.
    2. Occasionally OR frequently mention to the friend that it's not healthy to smoke and try to find ways to help them quit.
    3. Avoid coming to their house or being with them with their kids, so you don't have to see them smoking in front of their children.
    If they are a friend I would mention it to them and talk to them about it. Gauging from their reaction, we'd go from there. If there's no getting around it, I probably would try to avoid socializing at their place. I don't really like seeing people do things to or around their children or even pets that I think is aggressive or health related. I grew up in smoking household as well and I have never met any kids who *liked* that their parents smoked, if anything they hate the smell and when they find out how bad smoking is supposed to be for you they are more likely to discourage their parents to smoke.

    Situation 3
    You enjoy burning scented candles and incense because you find them relaxing and soothing. One day, your roommate comes to you and says they're sensitive to fragrances and asks you not to burn them. You can tell your roommate is nervous and looks uncomfortable while asking you. They have not made any previous requests of you and your relationship is good. What do you do?
    I'd scream "GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU PANSY!!!"

    Nah, kidding. I've lived with a bunch of roommates, stuff like this pops up regularly. If I really liked the candles, I would honestly probably be annoyed (especially since I've already bought them) but I would comply with not lighting them when the person is around. I would try to work something out with them depending on how sensitive they were (even after you stop burning candles, the scent lingers for a while). Unlike smoking (another odor that roommates can fight over), which you can do on the patio or technically crack a window and blow the smoke out, the lighting of a candle is not a recreational break, you do it specifically to fill the area with the scent.

    I had roommates who continued to smoke pot in their rooms even after being clearly told it was a non smoking OF ANY kind, especially illegal, in the house.

    Also, I gave some of those 'king coil' incense burners to ward away mosquitoes and my roommate (who signed up on TypeC for a second) was burning them in the living room. Another roommate came down and told my roommate that she was having an allergic reaction to the incense. My roommate's reaction was so funny, instead of (what you might expect) quickly complying she made it clear she was unmoved and did NOT want to turn off the incense. The exchange went kinda like,

    A: "I can't breathe, I have a really strong allergic reaction to that incense. What about my right to breathe fresh air?"
    B: "Well, what about my right not to be eaten by mosquitoes?????"

    LOLOL. If you can't tell already, Roommate B did not like Roommate A.

    Also, this might be my 6 wing or my Ne or experience talking, but depending on how long I'd lived with this person I might be wary that this person is not suited for roommate living. After this instance if they ever complained about the smell of the food I was cooking or complained it was hard for them to do certain chores (like throw out the trash or clean with 'harsh cleaners') or the smell of my shampoo etc. was too strong for them, we would have to have a more in-depth discussion and see if the living situation was working out for them (meaning maybe they should move out). Compromise in a living situation is a necessity but some people just aren't suited to live together.

    Situation 4
    You're in college and find a scholarship that would greatly relieve your financial burden of paying for school. The only hitch is that you can be no more than a college freshman in order to be eligible. You are midway through the first semester of your sophomore year and know the current semester is not yet reflected on your transcript. The organization giving the scholarship will make a decision before your transcript is updated to reflect your sophomore status. This means only you know you don't technically qualify. Do you send in your application for the scholarship with a transcript reflecting you are still a college freshman? If you get the scholarship do you take the money?
    The chances of getting busted or haunted by this later are so high, even if you have no ethical qualms about doing it, you should have practical ones.

    So no.

    It's not worth it.

    Situation 5
    You're at the grocery store and about to go to through check out. You realize you picked up more items than what you intended. Do you:
    1. Take all the extra items back to their original spots.
    2. Put them back on the shelves closest to you.
    Depends on how much is extra, how much stuff I wanna buy, and how close I am to checking out. I'd either return them to the check-out person or stuff on a nearby shelf. If I had a bunch of time and it wasn't much I might return stuff to their original place. I have been known to get into a shopping mania, snap out of it, and then abandon my shopping cart.

    Situation 6
    You use a public restroom and wash and dry your hands. You throw the paper towel to the trash can but miss. You're in the bathroom alone. Do you:
    1. Pick it up and trash it
    2. Leave w/o picking it up
    Depends on how disgusting the bathroom looks. True story.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    These are some hypothetical situations I'm curious to see what people would do. I'd prefer you choose one option and explain why you choose it, but if no option fits what you would do or think, please give your alternative and why.

    Situation 1
    A friend of yours buys a new car. They say they bought it because:
    1. It's a hybrid, low emissions vehicle OR
    2. The price was a bargain and it gets good gas mileage OR
    3. A friend of their's has one just like it and they wanted one too.

    Are any of these answers more or less justifiable to you?
    I suppose they are all justifiable -- it's not my money they are spending -- but I think the third answer is pathetic.
    I'd be most likely to operate from answer #2, myself.

    Situation 2
    You have a friend who smokes indoors with their young children (under 10) living in the house with them. They've smoked since you've known them and are aware about the dangers of smoking, but you feel now that they have kids they should really try to quit. You:
    1. Say nothing. It's none of your business and they make their own choices.
    2. Occasionally OR frequently mention to the friend that it's not healthy to smoke and try to find ways to help them quit.
    3. Avoid coming to their house or being with them with their kids, so you don't have to see them smoking in front of their children.
    A two-step response:
    1. I don't like cigarette smoke, so I wouldn't visit them when they were smoking. I end up wheezing myself.
    2. I'd broach the topic once, in a more exploratory way rather than a lecturing way. If I feel we addressed the topic once, and they understand the impact of their behavior (or I better understanding their reasons), then it's no longer my business.

    Situation 3
    You enjoy burning scented candles and incense because you find them relaxing and soothing. One day, your roommate comes to you and says they're sensitive to fragrances and asks you not to burn them. You can tell your roommate is nervous and looks uncomfortable while asking you. They have not made any previous requests of you and your relationship is good. What do you do?
    Funny question -- I'm actually the "friend" in this scenario, I am extremely vulnerable to candles. Just last week, my roommate was burning a candle when I came home, and I immediately told her I had to shut her bedroom door (with me on the outside) because I'd start wheezing otherwise. I can literally taste the candle in the air, the chemicals are so strong to me.

    Since I can tell they are anxious about having to ask me to accommodate them, and since they don't have a history of trying to be controlling or freaking out unnecessarily, I'd try to accommodate. I'd see if my burning them just in my room, with the door shut, would be enough. or if there was some brand of candle that would work for me that they'd be okay with. Their request is not unreasonable, we just need to find some sort of compromise that works.

    If it came down to one or the other, I would choose to not burn candles, since they can't choose to not be bothered by the scent. And if burning candles was that important to me, then I would see it as my job to move out and find a place where I could burn them, rather than imposing on a decent roomie.

    Situation 4
    You're in college and find a scholarship that would greatly relieve your financial burden of paying for school. The only hitch is that you can be no more than a college freshman in order to be eligible. You are midway through the first semester of your sophomore year and know the current semester is not yet reflected on your transcript. The organization giving the scholarship will make a decision before your transcript is updated to reflect your sophomore status. This means only you know you don't technically qualify. Do you send in your application for the scholarship with a transcript reflecting you are still a college freshman? If you get the scholarship do you take the money?
    Damn. I don't know what I would do. I guess I probably wouldn't apply, but depending on how much money I'd be on the line for, it would be very tempting. I just tend to think long-term, and that it would be likely for someone to find out, and I don't want to look like a creepazoid. Still, I have a pragmatic side that says it's up to them to make that determination when they offer the scholarship, and if they don't, it's not my problem. I guess that's a sleezy way to approach it...

    Situation 5
    You're at the grocery store and about to go to through check out. You realize you picked up more items than what you intended. Do you:
    1. Take all the extra items back to their original spots.
    2. Put them back on the shelves closest to you.
    While I am the person who typically goes around and hangs all of her clothes up that she just tried on, back on the racks she found them on (rather than just leaving them in the dressing rooms), when it comes to groceries, where I'm in a checkout line, I'd probably just ditch them on the nearby shelves.

    If the items were cheap enough, and I know I'd eventually use them, I might just buy them anyway -- as path of least resistance.


    Situation 6
    You use a public restroom and wash and dry your hands. You throw the paper towel to the trash can but miss. You're in the bathroom alone. Do you:
    1. Pick it up and trash it
    2. Leave w/o picking it up
    I pick it up and trash it. Not even a question.
    Note: I'm actually a good shot, so this rarely happens.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Situation 1:
    I would not want them to justify to me why they bought it. I wouldn't have an opinion on why they chose their car. It usually would not matter to me.

    Situation 2:
    I would tell them if they are to smoke it is unwise to do it in front of their children. I would not directly tell them to stop smoking though. I may say troublesome phrases; "Look at the children playing. Wonderful to see a child grow up though unfortunate this one has to deal with such excess smoke. Never good for a child's lungs."

    Situation 3:
    I'd tell the friend that he/she is unfortunate not to be able to enjoy such a lovely scent though I would stop burning them while they are around.

    Situation 4:
    I would. I would not see much reason not to. Taking the opportunity is good when there is not much risk. There is no harm in the process.

    Situation 6:
    Rarely occurs but when it does I would usually leave it with the cashier. If it is a must between the 2 options then I would put it back in it's original place as long as there is no crowd at the cashier.

    Situation 7:
    I have done both when such occurrences happen. Though I cannot find myself being inclined towards one more than the other.

  9. #9
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post

    Situation 1
    A friend of yours buys a new car. They say they bought it because:
    1. It's a hybrid, low emissions vehicle OR
    2. The price was a bargain and it gets good gas mileage OR
    3. A friend of their's has one just like it and they wanted one too.

    Are any of these answers more or less justifiable to you?
    2 makes the most sense to me personally, followed by 1, but either one is fine. I might make a crack about them being green in #1 if the situation calls for it. If a friend actually said #3 (I honestly can't imagine it other than as a joke) I'd make fun of them for a few minutes, of course.

    Situation 2
    You have a friend who smokes indoors with their young children (under 10) living in the house with them. They've smoked since you've known them and are aware about the dangers of smoking, but you feel now that they have kids they should really try to quit. You:
    1. Say nothing. It's none of your business and they make their own choices.
    2. Occasionally OR frequently mention to the friend that it's not healthy to smoke and try to find ways to help them quit.
    3. Avoid coming to their house or being with them with their kids, so you don't have to see them smoking in front of their children.
    Tough one, it'd hard to predict having never been in that situation. Ideally, I'd say something to them at least once about smoking *with their children* not in general. So closest to 2 but only about the harm they're doing to the children. And probably I'd say it once or a few times and seriously think about not being friends if they continue. I doubt it's reportable abuse or I would do that. I think it's below scummy to expose your kids to that junk just because you're too lazy to go outside. My dad smoked heavily when I was a child but he never did it inside, or in the car.

    I wouldn't stay friends but just avoid the house, that's weird. I wouldn't be around when she's smoking just because I can't stand the smoke myself, it's awful, but that wouldn't be enough to lecture her on it unless we were really close.

    Situation 3
    You enjoy burning scented candles and incense because you find them relaxing and soothing. One day, your roommate comes to you and says they're sensitive to fragrances and asks you not to burn them. You can tell your roommate is nervous and looks uncomfortable while asking you. They have not made any previous requests of you and your relationship is good. What do you do?
    Stop burning them, of course. What kind of person wouldn't? If possible (allergies not too severe, different rooms, when she's not home) a compromise might be reached, but if not, what kind of jerk would keep doing it?? Some people are actually allergic or at least sensitive to perfumes.
    Situation 4
    You're in college and find a scholarship that would greatly relieve your financial burden of paying for school. The only hitch is that you can be no more than a college freshman in order to be eligible. You are midway through the first semester of your sophomore year and know the current semester is not yet reflected on your transcript. The organization giving the scholarship will make a decision before your transcript is updated to reflect your sophomore status. This means only you know you don't technically qualify. Do you send in your application for the scholarship with a transcript reflecting you are still a college freshman? If you get the scholarship do you take the money?
    No, of course not. First of all they would definitely find out (making it a waste of time to apply), second it's just not ethical. You could apply with a note saying you're not a freshman if you thought they'd consider you anyway. But seriously, there are tons of alternatives where you don't have to lie....
    Situation 5
    You're at the grocery store and about to go to through check out. You realize you picked up more items than what you intended. Do you:
    1. Take all the extra items back to their original spots.
    2. Put them back on the shelves closest to you.
    hehehe. I tend to put them back on the shelves, bad I know (unless i decide at the cash, then I'll give it to the cashier, but if I decide before that, I'll forget if I don't ditch them). As a former cashier I know to not do this with perishable items (it'll either be ruined or the customer gets bad food) but with cans or something....meh. Gives them something to do in the slow periods I guess. I do feel guilty about it but my laziness triumphs.
    Situation 6
    You use a public restroom and wash and dry your hands. You throw the paper towel to the trash can but miss. You're in the bathroom alone. Do you:
    1. Pick it up and trash it
    2. Leave w/o picking it up
    I pick it up sometimes (maybe 60%), sometimes not. Not sure what makes the difference. I guess if the floor's gross/already has paper towels on it I wouldn't, or maybe if I'm in a hurry. I do always pick it up if I drop something on the actual ground outside where people don't clean it a million times a day.

    note: this very rarely happens because I have terrible aim so I don't even try to "throw" it, I place it in the garbage....
    -end of thread-

  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Situation 1 - I won't really say anything, since it's their money. I would personally fin 1) as more palatable.

    Situation 2 - I'd prefer option 3). I can't stand smoking, I start coughing quite heavily after a while, so I would not be able to just shut up.

    Situation 3 - I'd stop using scented candles, it doesn't seem like a big deal.

    Situation 4 - Sure, I'll take the money. I would be a nervous wreck by living in debt, even if I understand that's "unethical" to take the money, I would still do it.

    Situation 5 - I usually put them back in their right spots, it seems really rude not to do so and it won't really be a big deal for me (while getting some money to live would be, comparing with Situation 4).

    Situation 6 - I pick it up unless it landed on something terribly dirty / gross.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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