How did grieving process go for you, over something "big"?
I know what one theory says about 5 stages.. but didnt notice they correlate so much with my reaction.
Or I am not very observant of my reaction because I am in the middle of it.
Denial was very brief for me. I don't remember much anger or bargaining. I think I wallowed in depression for a very long time before finally reaching acceptance. I remember experiencing acceptance like a light switch turning on and a sudden burst of energy towards moving on with my life. It was like suddenly "Fuck it. I can't do anything about what happened, and nothing I'm doing now is helping me move on. If there's anything I can do to make my situation better it is to take life lessons from the events and to use them to better my future."
Still in denial stage (been there for years), hit a few depression stages, stayed in denial stage for another two years, trying to go into accepting/trying to change everything for the better stage (those shouldn't be grouped together, they're not alike in any means.
And something 'big' = everything in my life that I've tried to ignore because I thought it was bad to think about and just shouldn't think about it, or things I should 'grieve' about...like learning the fact that I'm not immortal (jk).
Strait to acceptance over the finality of it all, intermittent bouts of sadness over my loss. Sometimes a little guilt that I didn't call more often, then rationalization that it doesn't do any good to feel guilty about something I can't change. I don't know why I didn't experience the other stages.
denial, followed by panick
squish anger if possible, otherwise disable it fast!
problemsolve the hell out of it, and bargain like mad to find the best compromise
Acceptance once I find how things are meant to be to restore harmony with myself and the world.
Well, I typically don't do much anger, although I've had moments.
I also don't like bargaining either because it feels weak to me and also drags another person into my mess.
My flavor of denial is less about conscious/purposeful denial (I'm usually quite willing to face things head on); I just sometimes get so deep into something or are operating from other rules that I fail to see the obvious until I step back and really take a good look at things.
My personally favorite approach to grief is depression. It's a great strategy because it faces everything heads on (so it seems honest) while finding an excuse for itself not to move ahead (so you don't yet really have to accept the loss), and it has enough self-pain involved that it feels like penance that justifies the depression. (I'm being sarcastic btw.)
I find nowadays, after trying different things, I'm much quicker to let go and accept the change(s).
Because that's all grief is -- it's a loss based on not wanting to let something go.
If you're willing to let go of what you once had rather than pointlessly trying to retain something that is already gone, then you can accept it.
Still, we're human, and we have to give ourselves time to grieve. I'm simply saying that someone who has more life experience working through grief can learn to not hold onto something longer than necessary.
"Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"
“Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft