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Thread: Development

  1. #1
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    Ok so I was reading Erik H Erikson's theory of development and I'm convinced that I'm stuck at the lack of identity in my life. Right now I have no friends at all and no courage to make new friends, no goal but worst of all... no hope for the future. Between my years of 13-20 and even now I've played much videogame. Probably to much it seems. I've made a few friends in my years in this hobby but nothing that still last and Im 22 now. Im thinking if there is any chance to get out of this lonliness im feeling or is it to late? Whenever I meet someone that I feel somewhat close to I kind of get very childish, laughing uncontrollably and acting inapropriate. I read that people who have not solved their identity crisis tend to isolate themselves and hide their feelings and so on, wich is so me. I can't even look at a girl because the fear of her looking at me back in a demeaning way, and even less aproach a girl (what if i get rejected...?). I also have a fear of facebooking. I don't like telling people what I do and I think It's not a normal fear I have. I have "friends" on facebook but I don't feel close to them. I feel tired most of the time and my head is filled with unanswered questions all the time and with fear of meeting someone i might know (then I have to tell them an update about my unexciting life).

  2. #2
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    I can relate to pretty much everything you've said. But I've found ways to distract myself and bring myself above my fears for the time being. I guess I don't dwell on them too much to let it bother me at the moment, although it still does quite a lot at times. However, there is only one way and that is forward.

    It's never too late! And there is always hope for the future! Believing in that will get you going. Hm, first of all, might I suggest finding a way not to stress yourself out even more with thinking about how bad things are for you. That's not going to get you anywhere. Physical exercise has helped me a lot. There is definitely something out there that will help you as well, you just have to be active in finding it. And secondly, things are not going to change if you don't change them. Your fears are not going to go away either if you don't face them. Thinking beforehand how bad things will go because you've had bad experiences before only makes things worse.

    I know perfectly well how daunting it can be, the first steps. But it is worth it. Start small. Start with yourself. What is it that excites you? Your life won't be unexciting anymore if you are involved in something that you feel passionate about. You don't have to impress anyone, but being comfortable in your own skin no matter what you do gives you confidence. Start exploring, find a hobby, is there something you've dreamt about doing for a long time? You have to find a goal for yourself, something that you enjoy doing, something achievable. Something that gets you out of your comfort zone but not to the extent of being too scary to deal with. Build up your confidence with small steps, you don't have to jump right in and start socializing an awful lot. With confidence comes courage to take new steps towards whatever goal you create for yourself.

    Well, all of that might seem easier said than done. It will take time and effort. Believe in yourself that you can do anything and you will, you just have to start doing things. And don't give up!

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    Im thinking if there is any chance to get out of this lonliness im feeling or is it to late?
    It's not too late, it just gets harder to meet people when you get older, since everyone's going into the real world instead of hanging around playing games and stuff. You need to get yourself into some environment where you can meet people casually.

    Quote Originally Posted by lorkan View Post
    (then I have to tell them an update about my unexciting life).
    Everyone has a boring life when you look at it from the inside out. You know, I've been unemployed for a couple of years, and don't seem to be doing much, but when I meet someone who has been working for the recent years, it seems my life is an adventure or something. What they are doing is work and a holiday in Spain once a year, or something like that.

    But, umm, you say you have an identity crisis. What do you mean by that? Do you think that you would have more confidence if you "knew who you are"? What do you think defines you? What you do, or what you are? Take anyone with a strong sense of identity, and you see that none of their identity has to do with who they are, it can all be traced back to what they do. This is why people break down when they lose their job or an important hobby. They've gotten used to doing something and now they can't do it anymore. What I am getting at is that there is no identity in the way that there are no people who "know who they are" or if you meet someone who knows, they are fooling themselves and will break when you take away the thing they do.

    So, it's like, you can't find yourself really, in an absolute way. Maybe you should just explore what you like to do and then do that.

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    Do you think you are addicted to video games? Would you like to stop playing them, or would you prefer to keep playing them, but also add friends and goals to your life?

    Usually with addictions, there comes a point where the person sees that the addiction is taking away the life that he/she would like to have.

    If you have reached that moment, then you really do have hope, because now you can escape the addiction and start to have a better life.

    I would encourage you to do the small steps, like Sky is blue said, and to realize that you have most of your life ahead of you. You really can change if you want to. Seek out the resources you need - counseling, job coaching, social skills training, read books about things you want to improve. You can have a great life! It's not like you are 95 years old and just realized that your life is a waste. Most of your life is still in front of you and can be filled with amazing things!

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    I dont really have an addiction, or maybe sort of. I mostly read more about games then playing them. Since I spend so much time alone (I live with my brother but my brother hangs out with his girlfriend at his place) I mostly just surf the internet and type on forums mostly. Actually I just contacted my old friend but he seems to be ignoring me on msn and emails. Maybe I have much time left until I get old but I actually feel very old already for some reason and have a hard time motivating myself. I did go to the gym but have just been there 2 times since 12 december, cant motivate myself when im alone.

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    I've actually always dreamed of being a journalist and write about videogames so i've been thinking about making a new, my completely own, homepage. I have already started it but it's a long way until it's finnished because I need to learn the language from scratch, even if I've read about the subject (webbdesign) in school 2 times. Right now I have the energy but later, I don't know.

    I still have this identity crisis and still full with anxiety on a everyday basis. I get the feeling that my problems are trivial for my family and close friends and that my doctor on the other hand thinks that I have a problem with cooping with everyday life. I get these episodes when I think that people around me are talking about me but they are using other peoples names so that I don't have a direct reference for their anger (cause to me they sound angry).

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