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  1. #1
    Senior Member chatoyer's Avatar
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    Question Does your partner's love language dovetail with your temperament?

    Ok, let's review the five love languages:
    Words of Affirmation
    Gifts
    Quality Time
    Acts of Service
    Physical Touch

    I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

    I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

    Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.

  2. #2
    Member lbloom's Avatar
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    Mine are physical touch and quality time. I have had trouble with the words of affirmation and gifts part. I have squeezed out some of the former when relaxed, but it shuts down completely in times of stress, when it's probably most needed. Whatever little Fe I have, it is not at all verbal.

    The gift-giving is much worse. It's too impersonal. I could pull off something special once in ten years, but I'd go nuts if I had to find something that seemed worth giving each time some event came along.

    I can do the acts of service thing, but it's hardly a love language for me.

    It creates problems. Especially with SF types, who don't feel validated by the level of affection that they perceive.

    I highly value affection returned in kind, but it's not much of an issue. I guess Ne fills in the missing gaps for me.

  3. #3
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Gifts
    Acts of Service


    Hmm... Mine would most likely be Gifts and Acts of Service. Words are cheap to me. I prefer to show how I feel and to be shown how they feel. Touch, Quality Time, and Affirmations make me feel awkward. I am famous for picking out the perfect gifts for people, and for also doing random things for people. I never pull that "you owe me one" stuff. I expect nothing in return. I did it because I wanted to.
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  4. #4
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post
    Ok, let's review the five love languages:
    Words of Affirmation
    Gifts
    Quality Time
    Acts of Service
    Physical Touch

    I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

    I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

    Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.
    My husband is an NT not an SJ, but he's very much an Act of Service and Quality Time person. If he consults with my daughter, he does well with gifts, otherwise a flower is a flower. I get a lot of gift certificates, which is fine with me. I appreciate Words of Affirmation, also being "known" by active listening.

    I'm very much a "perfect gift" person and often get that feedback from friends. My husband likes gifts of technology, most of which he'd rather choose himself. He doesn't care about present occasions and doesn't make a big deal about his birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc., but if I make reservations, he's happy to go. The one birthday party I arranged for him bombed. He likes Words of Affirmation in terms of his cooking. He also likes Physical Touch.

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  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    My husband is a self-proclaimed touch junkie. He loves having his back scratched, his hair played with, his skin picked at, anything like that. He also appreciates acts of service, but to him that means bringing a plate of food to his desk. It could be frozen pizza for all he cares. He just likes being doted on.

    I'm fortunate he isn't demanding in the acts of service department and that he doesn't need gifts to feel loved because then we'd have problems. I'm pretty slothful and I never know what to get him.

    I like quality time and words of affirmation. He (contrary to the INTP stereo-type) does pretty well with those.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  6. #6
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post
    Ok, let's review the five love languages:
    Words of Affirmation
    Gifts
    Quality Time
    Acts of Service
    Physical Touch

    I just realized that my partner's love languages are quality time & acts of service, & in the spirit of the theory, that's how he likes to be shown love. Mine are words of affirmation & gifts, I'm very NF that way, I love to point out people's unique traits that I find appealing, & get goofy little symbolic gifts that make me think of them.

    I suck at Acts of Service! If I had an SJ bone in my body, I'd be set. I need to seriously work on loving my guy with those chores!

    Anyone in the same dilemma? It seems like acts of service favors SJs or Js, words of affirmation & gifts favors Fs, while quality time & physical touch could transcend temperament type.
    NO!
    My husband's love language is acts of service which I hate to do :steam:
    and which do not mean "love" to me, yet this is how he most frequently shows "love" to me.

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I never felt like I matched up with any of the love languages.

    I need a deep, in-sync connection and access to the inner core, expressed through speaking or writing/reading with each other. The closest thing to it on the list is "quality time," but I don't consider that nearly the same thing.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    will make your day Carebear's Avatar
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    I'm a touch junkie as well, but quality time by Jennifer's definition is close. Strong emphasis on quality. I don't need that much time really. In fact I need my time alone more. But if that still counts as quality time, it's definitely up there.

    Edit: And I don't think temperament plays an important part in the love languages.
    I have arms for a fucking reaosn, so come hold me. Then we'll fuvk! Whoooooh! - GZA

  9. #9
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chatoyer View Post
    Ok, let's review the five love languages:
    Words of Affirmation
    Gifts
    Quality Time
    Acts of Service
    Physical Touch
    Only semi on-topic, as there's currently no partner, but I'm much more of a quality time/physical touch, with a bit of affirmation thrown in type-o-guy. Acts of service would be okay occasionally, but that and especially gifts often just make me feel guilty. More often than not I feel worse after receiving a gift, not better.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Sandy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My husband is a self-proclaimed touch junkie. He loves having his back scratched, his hair played with, his skin picked at, anything like that. He also appreciates acts of service, but to him that means bringing a plate of food to his desk. It could be frozen pizza for all he cares. He just likes being doted on.

    I'm fortunate he isn't demanding in the acts of service department and that he doesn't need gifts to feel loved because then we'd have problems. I'm pretty slothful and I never know what to get him.

    I like quality time and words of affirmation. He (contrary to the INTP stereo-type) does pretty well with those.
    This sounds like "us"!

    I should add that I love to heal those that I love through massage (this is one of my gifts - I've been doing this all of my life), so he accepts any and all of my massaging with gusto. I also help my boys, family and friends (and church family) if the need is there.
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