User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 15

  1. #1
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    3,272

    Default Being social for it's own sake - a few questions for you and a backstory

    Enjoyable? Lucrative? Waste of time? A necessity to get on with one's life?

    Do you believe that being social, connecting to people and spending time with them is an end in itself? How much of your time would you use for that if given opportunity?

    Do you mind that conversation goes on the topics of shopping, bands, celebrities, food, drink, cars, people, houses and jokes?

    Do you mind that conversation goes in some specialized topic that you DO know of, but it can't sidetrack?

    When you think of something, i.e. a new find in science, a new building project, anything.. do you first think of
    1) it's social side (i.e. how it is thought of)
    2) it's factual side (i.e. what it is).

    Which one of the two is inherently more important?

    Backstory

    Being social for it's own sake

    I've gotten over it. I feel that there's only so many new experiences to be had by socializing around and being a happy preppy social animal or whatever (insert your favorite social persona there.)

    I haven't been in no mood to start being unsocial, either. What I do is that I meet people with whom I share some goals, people who have similar mindsets, or people with whom I make a good combination to solve some deeper issues in life, contemplate or perhaps do some projects with.

    What I mean is that I don't first see a new person and go "whoa! a new person! Im gonna befriend him and then see if anything good comes out of it!"

    What I mean is that I try to use discretion in befriending people so that the friendship would be lasting and mutually enjoyable, with perhaps some financially or philosophically valuable stuff to do together. I like to see beforehand the things that would make the friendship valuable.

    Social networks - it's a glorified concept of using people as tools to find more people. If it's consentual, I can't go against it.

    What I mean is that then you end up with 20 intermediate people connections per one person you'd really like to know.

    I don't think that online social networks are an effective way to bring talent together, ideas together, business partners together or anything like that.

    Offline, I'm not so sure of that either. I really like to contact people by reputation, talent and accomplishments, and be contacted because of those qualities as well. You don't need much of a social network for that.

    "Who knows me and whom I know" seems pretty lame compared to that.

    Now what really sucks is that I had a good customer base a while back, and I could get new jobs just by reputation. I lost it because of my burnout and partial inability to work a few years ago.

    Still, I believe that recreating my reputation by working is a better way for me, as compared to becoming everyone's pseudo friend. It feels like natural to me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    We just had lunch hour at work and I went eating with some colleagues. Today the Christmas market opened, which is a tradition in german cities and they sell hot wine punch. So we've decided to drink a wine during work, whats definitly funny. When we got back to the office a colleague said to me: sometimes it is a lot of fun to go with other colleagues and do something just to have fun together. And I told him: you make that sound as if we were only living for our work. I rather think what else do we live for than for moments of fun like these ?

    I am no social animal, on the contrary, I despise twitter and everyone who has an account there. But I figured, after prolonged time of nearly complete isolation from society that people aint so bad at all and you can have a lot of fun, under one premise. And that premise is, you have colleagues that are similiar minded, who think like you and dont treat you as an outcast or a weirdo. For which is important that you dont behave like an outcast or weirdo.

    From ENT to ENT I can tell you this: you do need friends, a select few and good ones, because it bugs you not having them. But you'll need to spend time and have patience until you find the right ones. For me, I found them at a workplace, even those guys at university I dont liked. I've been to other jobs in other companies, hadnt had much luck with friends. But here where I am now I have found some friends. And you'll find some too cause there are people who think like you and like the stuff you do. If you break everything thats important in life down into manageable pieces, you'll find people aint to different from each other. They like the same things, cry and laugh about the same things and most often it's especially the people your age, who are very similiar in their intrests to yours. It's only luck to find them, but you should never quit searching.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,591

    Default

    No man is an island. Even the most introverted of Introverts needs people contact. We were created with that codependency; lack of it drives us nuts.

  4. #4
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    I love human interaction.

    It drives me.

  5. #5
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Posts
    3,272

    Default

    What I just meant is that grabbing every opportunity to "connect" with people results in poor quality of the connections. There's hope that some connection might be worthwhile, with nothing worthwhile coming out of it, ever - unless one has very low standards. I've experienced what it is to have girlfriends, drinking buddies, people to play different games with - I've just found out that some kinds of connections are a bit lacking, although the people might be awesome. Some people ponder issues I've resolved long in the past, some people have gone way past the problems I'm having right now, meaning that there's little chance for journey together.

    Perhaps all that excess socializing is good when you've accomplished what you've set out to accomplish in life, and you don't feel the need to improve your life urgently, except to have fun and enjoy life.

    Perhaps in more detail - lets say I have a life satisfaction rating of 8.1 of 10, and I think I could sustain a rating of 9. I could stop trying to improve so lot and enjoy my life for a while with a nice rating of 8.5, after which I'd got bored of it, and I would become envious of those who in my opinion enjoy a life of 9. The feeling of lost opportunity would bring my life satisfaction down to a measly 7. I know that it isn't an answer for me to just be with people indiscriminantly.

    Perhaps much like with you, Entropie, my friends are good friends whom I've chosen carefully. It makes my life happy. I'm just wondering philosophically and practically about the relative merits of meeting tons of people as opposed to meeting just a few. I think I'm borderline between having tons and few friends. Different people have different opinions about whether I'm extra social or not. I'm not taking stance.

    Perhaps I'm pondering this because at a time I thought I had about 200 friends, with whom I spent considerable time. I'm not completely sure what I accomplished with that. Later I learned that most of them were something that's called "friend by association", i.e. friendships that were conditional on being friends with someone particular. Moreover, I didn't get an honest, deep friendship with more than a few, and I wouldn't call all the rest of the associations "friendships" anymore.

    Perhaps if they were right kind of people, I could enjoy that kind of thing right now. I just feel that the things that could keep people together have largely gone away. It's the married life, full time jobs with everyone, relatively greater autonomy with everyone as compared to time in early adulthood, etc.

    Anyhow, thanks for advice. I'm really approaching this from a more philosophical fashion though. If I first decide what's good, I am sure to accomplish it. I'd rather not start doing something in the hope of it being good. So, that's why I'm philosophical with this.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    8,263

    Default

    In one sense, I want to be social, and in another I'm not at all. I keep to myself, unless there's something to do or something new to see. Be it active or creative. Having more people around makes some things fun.. This is actually kind of hard to find though, since some people get out of shape or busy with SO's/families or bogged down with work. Even as an introvert, I find myself frustrated not finding "activity partners", where you just go and do things with your friends, instead of acting like some "adult" all of the time.

    There are parties or social gatherings to go to, but I end up turning in early. There isn't a lot to do there except mingle or get wasted.

  7. #7
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    14,031

    Default

    I have a few friends I could trust 100%.

    I have many many many friendly acquaintances.

    I try to see the good in every one I can and focus on that.

    Life's not fun when the differences between you and others keep you from enjoying it.
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

  8. #8
    Senior Member Reflection's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5
    Socionics
    ILI
    Posts
    345

    Default

    I have to say that the end goal isn't socialisation for it's own sake - it's what I can get out of it. I'm friends with people who can teach me something new, show me a new perspective, people I can bounce ideas off. I don't tolerate small talk, but I enjoy conversations about nearly anything else, as long as it's in depth and well thought out. I might be a bit uncomfortable discussing something outside my knowledge pool (such as, for instance, advanced physics or astronomy), but I don't generally shrink from it. The idea is to learn and grow through communication.

    That being said, there is a very small number of people who can be this for me. I have maybe five friends. I have around 20 acquaintances whom I see more or less frequently. Each of these offers something - I may only discuss films with one, books with another, go to museums with a third person etc.

    I'm just wondering philosophically and practically about the relative merits of meeting tons of people as opposed to meeting just a few.
    If you're good at distinguishing between the types of people you can have a meaningful connection with and those who just aren't your cup of tea, then meeting many people is a fine idea. Not being friends with all of them, but perhaps scouting for friendships, I guess.
    Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    109

    Default

    I don't socialize for its own sake - there needs to be a reason. General chit-chat serves no purpose IMO. I understand there is a need for humans to interact, but I do so on my terms. So the response to the OP is no, I don't see connecting with people and spending time with them is an end to itself. I see the task at hand as the end, and should I need the input of others to complete that task I will solicit it. Should others seek out my input I will share it, but I leave the conclusions to them. I don't actively avoid social contact, but I don't actively seek it out either.
    ...doesn't work or play well with others...

  10. #10
    Senior Member proximo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    584

    Default

    It's good to know you're not alone, to know that you don't really need to struggle because whatever it is, someone's willing and able to help you. I think this is the case with most people, although many don't realise it. For example, I've met quite a few people (both I's and E's) who seem completely oblivious to how many other people actually care about them and would be willing to help them if they gave the word, and instead struggle on under false impressions that they're alone in the world. I've not made friends specifically for this purpose, but it sure is a nice by-product

    I don't care what conversation comes up in a social experience... I'm happy to talk about literally anything. If I understand it, know about it, I'm delighted to share and gain other insights. If I'm not, I'm happy and curious to learn. If it's something mundane and potentially boring, I don't have difficulty finding ways to make it funny or interesting, like a sort of stand-up comedy seminar. Social interaction stimulates and energises me, so long as there's no drama (that just drains and depresses me), so I always appreciate other people giving me their time.

    I don't tend to think about how things are seen or thought of by others. I'll just brave the inevitable comments until people around me get used to it and start doing it themselves; somebody has to set a precedent, and after all, it's only precedents that give something its reputation.

    Social networks - on my Facebook I have currently 49 people. 45 of them are family and/or good friends; the others are long-term Internet friends that I've talked in depth with over years. I know a great many other people, but I've no intention of adding them to my FB because I like to be myself, to be very open and frank about my background, my life etc on my FB and I don't want those things seen by people I don't know well enough to be confident they'll neither abuse the info or be offended by it. It's mainly a way of keeping myself and other people in my family and friends network (which is geographically widespread) in the loop. For me, it's about not losing touch.

    I don't really understand or know what the word "connect" means when I hear the NF's talking about it. It seems quite a nebulous and strange concept to me, fairly alien. So I can't comment on that. Possibly I already do it, or know it, but it just doesn't ring any bells to me when spoken about in that sorta terminology.

    The "inner circle" of my closest friends is extremely diverse, but every member of it's only there cos we genuinely enjoy each other's company and we respect & value each other's opinions and advice. I've never, ever been even vaguely interested, inclined or tempted towards buttering up people I neither respect nor like, purely for what personal gain I think it might bring me.
    I'm male and over 30, FYI.
    Preferences: 20% Extravert, 98% Intuitive, 68% Thinker, 17% Perceiving

Similar Threads

  1. How do feelings & well-being work for you?
    By UnitOfPopulation in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 02-09-2013, 03:17 PM
  2. Can personality psychology be bad for you?
    By Vilku in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 01-27-2013, 07:02 AM
  3. Which emotion is the most satisfying to express for you and why?
    By Chimerical in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 02-20-2012, 07:46 PM
  4. [ENFJ] Judging who is good for you and who is not
    By lasdf23 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 03-18-2010, 12:31 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO