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  1. #1
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
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    Default Frustration and anger.

    I hope this is in the right area.

    I notice lately I've been having alot of building frustration and anger.
    I think it's connected to alot of things. I'm disappointed in a few areas and I'm angry at others. It's little things that are frustrating me. I seriously think I might need a sabbatical. Lose myself to find myself kind of thing.

    Apart of it is the daily things I have to deal with my mother and unfortunately feeling let down by the world/some people in it and a couple other things probably. I'm just angry... I want to cope with it better. It's seeping into my dealings with my mother. She's probably with as much love in my heart that I say this with but, a big part of my frustration.

    Any tips on properly dealing with this rising anger/frustration? Has anyone felt similar frustration over stuff just not being the way you thought it was? Any tips that helped you? I know attachment to an expectation is not good but I'm still feeling frustration. I can't reason out of this one. How do I make peace with an expectation not being met/the present moment. Feeling like I'm tense and any meditation I do it helps but only last temperarly. How do I get that feeling to last like it used too?

    I know I'd be alot happier and I want to be . In my young 20's and reality is hitting me hard in the face to the world works/"seems" soul-less. How cruel it's seemingly majority motive is and stuff.

    How do I let this go and be truly content and accept this reality without becoming bitter and angry etc. I've been trying to incorportate Buddha's teachings and it's helping but I'm still feeling a rising anger/frustration that comes out with the little things that shouldn't make me so frustrated O.o.

    Thanks in advance :-).
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  2. #2
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I understand this, I think. Especially the part where you say the world isn't what you thought it was. Frustration and anger usually stem from a lack of feeling of control. I guess we just have to find out how to allow things to be what they are, even if they aren't what we think they should be. In the end, I decided that no matter what the world was doing, I was not capable of letting go of my core ideals, even if it seemed that there was no place for them. The only thing you can do is learn to be content to contribute within yourself.

    Buddhism is a good way to let go of this, especially in respect to people. Everyone is on their own journey, in their own cycle of reincarnation. There are things that they won't be able to achieve or become in their current lifetime. The only thing you can do concerning them is to acknowledge them and show compassion.

  3. #3
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    When it comes to anger, I subscribe to the "Eastwood" school of thought.

    [YOUTUBE="aM8iT1UHnjI"]Gran Torino[/YOUTUBE]

  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I know what you mean Duchess. It feels one can never have the things one wants in life. Everyone is mad and ignorant and their is no justice in the world.

    Buddhism might be good, but only as the middle way that it is. One would need to severely brainwash oneself in order to lose the attachment to the fundamental things that make us who we are. If we had no desire, we wouldn't have the drive to go anywhere or do anything.

    You just need to USE your desire in better ways. Don't settle for what you have if it gives you that much anger and frustration. People like saying you are responsible for your own happiness but then they also tell you can't control anything. Well fuck that. Bulldoze your way out of it.

    Bitterness is NOT something you want to live with. You need to at least prove to yourself you are heading in a direction that enables you to feel less bitter. Don't accept things just because others tell you you should accept them.

  5. #5
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    @ the OP:

    I would think that your problem is very much part of the realm of a good therapist. They should have tools for helping you detach emotionally from unrealistic expectations and subsequently find and attach to adequate compensations in the "real world."

    If you want to do it yourself on a self-help basis, there are plenty of books on the market about redesigning your life/ambitions/goals, etc. Personally, I enjoyed "Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life" by Julie Morgenstern and "Get a Life That Doesn't Suck" by Michelle DeAngelis.

    They can help you break free of that feeling of being stuck in a box and help you re-prioritize. And in between practical suggestions for change, they often provide some interesting insight into how we get stuck in unproductive patterns of thought in the first place.

  6. #6
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    Sorry for not posting more relevantly earlier.

    Anger is something everybody deals with. You can't ever expect to be content and happy with everything all the time.

    It's about learning to keep your anger to a manageable level that you are comfortable with.

    Trying to fight against your own anger is a losing battle.

    Try and work with it.

  7. #7
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlippoth View Post
    I understand this, I think. Especially the part where you say the world isn't what you thought it was. Frustration and anger usually stem from a lack of feeling of control. I guess we just have to find out how to allow things to be what they are, even if they aren't what we think they should be. In the end, I decided that no matter what the world was doing, I was not capable of letting go of my core ideals, even if it seemed that there was no place for them. The only thing you can do is learn to be content to contribute within yourself.

    Buddhism is a good way to let go of this, especially in respect to people. Everyone is on their own journey, in their own cycle of reincarnation. There are things that they won't be able to achieve or become in their current lifetime. The only thing you can do concerning them is to acknowledge them and show compassion.
    So perhaps I should comes to terms with this then? (allow things to be what they are/content).

    Learn to be content to contribute within myself . Hmm... like contribute in my own way?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    When it comes to anger, I subscribe to the "Eastwood" school of thought.

    [YOUTUBE="aM8iT1UHnjI"]Gran Torino[/YOUTUBE]
    O.o... heh. That guy is pretty scary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    I know what you mean Duchess. It feels one can never have the things one wants in life. Everyone is mad and ignorant and their is no justice in the world.

    Buddhism might be good, but only as the middle way that it is. One would need to severely brainwash oneself in order to lose the attachment to the fundamental things that make us who we are. If we had no desire, we wouldn't have the drive to go anywhere or do anything.

    You just need to USE your desire in better ways. Don't settle for what you have if it gives you that much anger and frustration. People like saying you are responsible for your own happiness but then they also tell you can't control anything. Well fuck that. Bulldoze your way out of it.

    Bitterness is NOT something you want to live with. You need to at least prove to yourself you are heading in a direction that enables you to feel less bitter. Don't accept things just because others tell you you should accept them.
    I definitely don't want to lose "attachment" to things I value . I just want to better manage it.

    Settle for what I have? How do I know it's not just me needing an attitude adjustment? Also I was thinking about "expectations" and realized just how much I've been "holding" onto/valuing my own expectations. Perhaps I could try to let the concern for outcome go.

    I guess this stems from where I work with kids and I love it but I'm being awakened to the unfortunate truth that even something that's suppose to be humane seems impersonal like a buisness. I actually care about those kids well being and others. They know it too as I've received quite abit of pictures and hugs from them.

    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    @ the OP:

    I would think that your problem is very much part of the realm of a good therapist. They should have tools for helping you detach emotionally from unrealistic expectations and subsequently find and attach to adequate compensations in the "real world."

    If you want to do it yourself on a self-help basis, there are plenty of books on the market about redesigning your life/ambitions/goals, etc. Personally, I enjoyed "Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life" by Julie Morgenstern and "Get a Life That Doesn't Suck" by Michelle DeAngelis.

    They can help you break free of that feeling of being stuck in a box and help you re-prioritize. And in between practical suggestions for change, they often provide some interesting insight into how we get stuck in unproductive patterns of thought in the first place.
    Detach emotionally from unrealistic expectations? *scratches brain*. Is that where I was saying above about not attaching value to the outcome/result? Letting go?

    Thanks I'll try to see if my local libraries hold those.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Sorry for not posting more relevantly earlier.

    Anger is something everybody deals with. You can't ever expect to be content and happy with everything all the time.

    It's about learning to keep your anger to a manageable level that you are comfortable with.

    Trying to fight against your own anger is a losing battle.

    Try and work with it.
    True that makes sense. Thank you.
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  8. #8
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    I definitely don't want to lose "attachment" to things I value . I just want to better manage it.

    Settle for what I have? How do I know it's not just me needing an attitude adjustment? Also I was thinking about "expectations" and realized just how much I've been "holding" onto/valuing my own expectations. Perhaps I could try to let the concern for outcome go.

    I guess this stems from where I work with kids and I love it but I'm being awakened to the unfortunate truth that even something that's suppose to be humane seems impersonal like a buisness. I actually care about those kids well being and others. They know it too as I've received quite abit of pictures and hugs from them.

    Thanks.
    If it's a persistent feeling then listen to your intuition. And I know exactly how you feel about expectations. My brother told me the other day I expect too much out of life. Even if that was true, I'll have to learn about that on my own. I mean, what other driving force do we have, if not our ideals? And aren't we happy when fighting for our own ideals. I know the glimpses of happiness I get in my life, are always very much about feeling like I know I'm following my own path.
    Last edited by Moiety; 11-12-2010 at 12:21 PM. Reason: How could I have written "might" when I wanted to write "mean" ?! :doh:

  9. #9
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    So perhaps I should comes to terms with this then? (allow things to be what they are/content).
    Yes. Things and people do change, and there are times when you can help. But most of the time the only thing that you have input on is yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    Learn to be content to contribute within myself . Hmm... like contribute in my own way?
    Well, I suppose I mean, live your life as you think the world should be, don't live in reaction to the things that are wrong around you, you'll wear yourself out and ultimately won't like yourself.

  10. #10
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    When you are in a situation that is not working for you, it causes anger and agression, either against yourself or against others. The solution is to face the futility of the situation you are in. It's only when you actually come to a point of grieving the loss of what you had hoped for that you are able to come to a still point and try something different. You cannot stay in a difficult situation without

    1) being able to influence it (which it looks like it is very hard to do here)
    2) getting prepared to leave it (so you have some hope of a time when the frustration will ease off.)
    3) accepting that it won't change and making the appropriate decisions for your own life.

    If you are staying in an unhealthy situation, you have to become unhealthy yourself to deal with it. If it is merely frustrating, you need to come to some point where you are at the end of your own resources and therefore exert influence on your role in the situation, rather than the situation itself.

    I realize that this is easier said that done, particularly when the outcome you are aiming for is what's good and right and the lack of it will affect others negatively. I'm still resolving that within myself regarding both the public school system (which isn't made to protect individuals, but to keep machinery running), as well as a situation with my nieces and nephews where they've been removed from their only support system and their parents are not making decisions that have their best interests in mind. In both cases, it has serious implications and distresses me greatly. In the one, I have chosen this year to write instead of teach, in an effort to make a bigger difference and also to create career opportunities in the future outside of that system. In the other, I am trying to channel my efforts into productive means, rather than becoming despondent or angry. It's hard though, I know.

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