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  1. #1
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Default Naivety and sincerity

    I was wondering about naivety and sincerity. I don't mean sincerity in the sense of being insensitive and blunt with people, I mean more as a general emotional state and state of being. Would you say you often encounter this in people? If you do, how do you see it? Do you think it looks stupid, it is nice, it is disturbing, etc.? I think people are often not in order to be able to deal with others from a point of security, to hide themselves or certain parts, that sort of thing. Anyway, I was wondering what others think about this.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    If you completely disregard the herd, and just do your own thing...what others think won't affect you. If you are sincere about difficult stuff in a "matter of fact" way, it doesn't feel like you are as vulnerable as you might think.

    As for naivety, if they know you're not to be messed with, they won't take advantage of you.

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    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    If you completely disregard the herd, and just do your own thing...what others think won't affect you. If you are sincere about difficult stuff in a "matter of fact" way, it doesn't feel like you are as vulnerable as you might think.
    I agree with the bolded.

    As for naivety, if they know you're not to be messed with, they won't take advantage of you.
    This i have more issues with .. I admit i am naive but i genuinely trust people's words and become perplexed when people show their true intentions. In order to not be messed with, defence walls will have to arise and that is no way to be with people.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    I agree with the bolded.



    This i have more issues with .. I admit i am naive but i genuinely trust people's words and become perplexed when people show their true intentions. In order to not be messed with, defence walls will have to arise and that is no way to be with people.
    I don't put up walls per se and I do fine. You can't trust people's words. I sometimes trust people, just don't trust them to trust themselves when they say what they say. I'm not jaded or anything....it's all about independence really. Unless it's a really concrete favor like picking me up or lending me a cookie, I try not to put people in a position where I need to rely on people.

    As far as intentions are concerned...well dunno if it's because I'm an ENFP, but I have a very keen read on people usually and they never surprise me.

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    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    I don't put up walls per se and I do fine. You can't trust people's words. I sometimes trust people, just don't trust them to trust themselves when they say what they say. I'm not jaded or anything....it's all about independence really. Unless it's a really concrete favor like picking me up or lending me a cookie, I try not to put people in a position where I need to rely on people.

    As far as intentions are concerned...well dunno if it's because I'm an ENFP, but I have a very keen read on people usually and they never surprise me.
    From a logical standpoint, everything you say makes sense. Having an independant nature myself, i don't like to rely on people as i enjoy my free spiritedness (Is that a word ) but although i can read people rather well, once they become close to me thus i become vulnerable, i suppose i start to doubt myself and not follow my instincts. This is why i've only had 2 serious relationships and have not many friends. Oh well.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    I must admit, I do think I make myself vulnerable, but on the other hand I don't think I am foolish about it so it doesn't bother me that much.

    I'm pretty independent too, and it doesn't bother me what other people think as I don't feel I am doing anything wrong by just being myself, but somehow there seems to be something about this that bothers certain kinds of people.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

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    Member Cheshire Grin's Avatar
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    I really like it. I find it refreshing because it's not often that people say what they mean or mean what they say. If by sincerity you mean being open, genuine, simple and truthful, then yes it is something I look for. The part where you mentioned security and hiding yourself I agree with. Some people are generally upfront and blunt, even to the point of rudeness. Others hide what they really think because they don't want to look bad or feel bad about themselves. It's difficult to find those who straddle the middle line in real life.

    Could you give an example of where you're just being yourself and doing something you don't think is wrong and of the type of negative reaction you've received just to expand on that last post you made?
    The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. --A. Rand

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    I don't see it all that often, but I think it might be more common in small towns where people have mostly known kindness from other people around them. One of my sisters is like this due to...I don't know what, exactly, because she's experienced horrible things...and it makes me afraid for her. My mother constantly wants to protect her. People like that are like children. I love people like that. It's refreshing and wonderful, but I honestly fear for them.

    It's also not sexy. To me.

    ---------- Post added at 02:46 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:43 AM ----------

    you know, I responded mostly to the word "naivety" here...I mean, a person can be genuine and be sincere...and be direct and intelligent and not naive.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin View Post
    Could you give an example of where you're just being yourself and doing something you don't think is wrong and of the type of negative reaction you've received just to expand on that last post you made?
    It's difficult to think of a specific example that is appropriate because I myself am not sure exactly what the nature of the problem (if any) is.

    I brought up this topic because of someone I was talking to a little while ago who was saying that most people are not like this and that when a person is this way it can be disturbing to some people because they don't connect with others through that kind of point. So that even when you're just talking about light or superficial things, it can still be disturbing (for some kinds of people). I didn't understand exactly what he was trying to say which was why I was wondering what others here might think about it. He started the topic because I am thinking about joining a new group/association and was feeling positive and excited about it because it looks really interesting and the people seem nice enough and compatible with me but then he started talking about being careful because there might be a person there who won't like me and it can spoil my position in the group but maybe I can find people I get along with one-to-one. And then he started to relate this to sincerity.

    I don't know if it's a good example but here is a comparable experience from the past related to the kind of situation my friend says I should be careful of when I join this new group: I was in a class with people who were all new to each other. We were all in our early 20s, I would say, so not kids. Everything was ok. Then a new girl was put into our class who for some reason I was instinctlvely wary of although she talked friendly enough and for some reason she didn't like me to the point where she would try to interfere with me just having light chit chat with certain other people. E.g. cutting in, trying to deviate attention to herself, trying to get the other one to go somewhere else with her and abandon me, etc. but as if it was all innocent, you know. I didn't do anything to this girl. She was immediately that way with me from the beginning. She just didn't like me and had to try to push me out of the group.

    ---------- Post added at 02:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:21 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    you know, I responded mostly to the word "naivety" here...I mean, a person can be genuine and be sincere...and be direct and intelligent and not naive.
    Sure, I agree.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

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