I need a reason

[skylights]

actually, not to be ridiculous or anything, but maybe a dopamine or norepinephrine stimulant like adderall, ritalin, concerta, etc - basically just ADHD drugs - might be really helpful to give you a day where you feel a burst of energy and motivation? it might be able to give you a window of time where you can better sort things out. i kind of like to use those drugs as a touchstone if i'm getting really off track - take one and things suddenly appear more streamlined, you know? not to mention the useful mood/energy boost.

glad you're feeling better

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I read an interesting essay by Schopenhauer on suicide. He says that all the moral reasons for not committing suicide are dumb, except one, which is his own: that the highest moral one can achieve is eliminating the will to live (the desire for pleasure) whereas suicide is an attempt to eliminate pain, which I guess is really exercising a desire for pleasure. I haven't read enough Shopenhauer, but I know he was interested in Buddhism, and in Buddhist terms, reducing desire opens up peace. I've experienced that myself many times.

But that's a stock answer and it's impersonal. I don't experience suicidal thoughts, but very often I question why I should keep trying and what I should be trying for, if anything. My current motivation to keep exploring is humility. I don't know everything and can't be sure that there's no reason to live or try. I'm not intelligent enough and I haven't learned enough to know with certainty. So I work on making myself smarter and more aware. If I ever reach that point of absolute certainty, maybe I'll make a decision then, but until then, I'm going to keep exploring.

Glad you're feeling better. I like you, purple. You're good people, I mean it. I don't say that about a lot of people.

 

[SecondBest]

I was very suicidal last night and couldn't find a reason to keep living but i didn't want to die either. but felt i had no choice. So I took 3 sleeping pills and went to bed in hopes that i'd wake up in the morning with at least one reason. I still am but not as bad as i was last night.

Prplchknz, my dear. I know you miss me and everything since I'm taking a break from Vent and all, but don't you think suicide is a tad overdramatic? I mean I know I'm your sole reason for being. We had a great run, but I told you that a trial separation would be good for us. I even tried out that backside half-lotus springing tiger position you taught me on a stripper I met last night. Her name was Candy, or Janice... or Jaundice... I don't know. The point is suicide is not the answer.

I promise I'll be back soon... probably.

P.S. You left your toothbrush and a copy of the Feminine Mystique in my apartment. There's some other stuff, too. I'll leave them all outside my door for you to pick up.

 

[Thalassa]

Prpl - please make sure you're taking your meds consistently, and refrain from drinking alcohol, which makes your depression worse.

I'm being totally serious. People like you. You're creative and smart. You have a lot to live for. Don't give up.