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Thread: BPD

  1. #1
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Default BPD

    So I heard something about it, I spent the last several hours scanning around facebook being all paranoid and angry for really petty reasons and i came across something about BPD borderline Personality disorder, and so i wiki'd it to see the symptoms and bingo, they described like issues I have been battling with since early childhood. From black and white thinking, splitting, paranoid thoughts, pushing people away, disassociation, SI, fear of abandonment, early childhood sexual abuse, so on and so forth, anyone here know anything about this disorder? Help me please before I break off a relationship with someone who is actually good for me and I actually feel like I can love.... because I am not going to take any more stabs at relationships after this one, I will just accept being a loner for good.

    i dont have insurance right now so i cant afford to see a doctor, i just want to know more about it.
    Ground control to Major Tom

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    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    So I heard something about it, I spent the last several hours scanning around facebook being all paranoid and angry for really petty reasons and i came across something about BPD borderline Personality disorder, and so i wiki'd it to see the symptoms and bingo, they described like issues I have been battling with since early childhood. From black and white thinking, splitting, paranoid thoughts, pushing people away, disassociation, SI, fear of abandonment, early childhood sexual abuse, so on and so forth, anyone here know anything about this disorder? Help me please before I break off a relationship with someone who is actually good for me and I actually feel like I can love.... because I am not going to take any more stabs at relationships after this one, I will just accept being a loner for good.

    i dont have insurance right now so i cant afford to see a doctor, i just want to know more about it.
    If you don't have the resources for therapy, just do as much research as you can. I suspect my mom has BPD, and one of her biggest problems was giving up and just letting herself be that way. If you are curious and continue to self-question, you're far ahead of the curve (especially since I assume you're in your 20s).

    And please do some work on yourself before having kids. My childhood sucked.

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    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    If you don't have the resources for therapy, just do as much research as you can. I suspect my mom has BPD, and one of her biggest problems was giving up and just letting herself be that way. If you are curious and continue to self-question, you're far ahead of the curve (especially since I assume you're in your 20s).

    And please do some work on yourself before having kids. My childhood sucked.
    I am highly analytical of many thing, but most especially of myself, I understand myself and rationalize many thing inside me, and most often can spot the triggers, but my natural tendency to shovel things under the rug to keep everyone from knowing just how bat-shit insane i probably am makes it tough to get those issues aired out.

    I dont plan on having children, I wanted to, but I dont know if I would ever have the courage to do it and do it right. I say that after leaving an 8 year relationship a few years back, no marriage, no kids.
    Ground control to Major Tom

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    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    I am highly analytical of many thing, but most especially of myself, I understand myself and rationalize many thing inside me, and most often can spot the triggers, but my natural tendency to shovel things under the rug to keep everyone from knowing just how bat-shit insane i probably am makes it tough to get those issues aired out.
    Your analysis might lead you to many more negative self-character judgments than are useful, though. One thing at a time. No one is perfect, and you aren't either. But not everyone is crippled by their imperfections. That's really the issue to work on.

    If you actually have BPD, even this back and forth suggests you're on the right track. My mother would have been entirely incapable of this during her bad years (she probably couldn't be diagnosed anymore, she's leveled out a bit in the last few years). It is possible to get your coping mechanisms back on track, but it will take a lot of work... you have to accept that many of the ways you view yourself are much too harsh and lead to lashing out, which you then analyze and feel even worse about, making you lash out more, etc. It's a big loop, and you CAN break it.

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    The fact that you even want to manage it is HUGE. A lot of people with borderline personality disorder are impossible to treat because they want to say everything is everyone else's problem.

    The main problem in relationships is that people with BPD can go from worshiping to devaluing their partner in a way that can be abusive. It's like always going from intense love to hate instead of there being an in between, coupled with an overwhelming fear of abandonment.

    If you can look for triggers and accept your condition and talk to your partner about it, I'm sure you can make progress.


    I just want you to know that you can get psychiatric help through the state if you don't have insurance. You might want to check into that.

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    Billy, be careful with self-diagnosis. Many descriptions of disorders contain relatively normal behaviour just not to the degree that manifests within someone who has the personality disorder.

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    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Billy, be careful with self-diagnosis. Many descriptions of disorders contain relatively normal behaviour just not to the degree that manifests within someone who has the personality disorder.
    I agree with this. I thought I had BPD a year back too. I definitely have some deep issues, as you do too, but is it BPD territory, that's hard to say, esp. without professional guidance. You know what they say about people suspecting they have all these kinds of medical illnesses because they do research on the internet and zomg they have all of the symptoms ... but it turns out they don't? I say calm down, do some more research, talk to your close friends and perhaps even your gf, share the fears, the thoughts, get some outside information. It's hard for us to say over the Internet. I could describe myself in a way that'd make me seem bipolar, but I am not. I see mental illnesses as a spectrum from normal to whatever the illness may be, it's not a yes or no box. And I agree that it's excellent for you to be so aware and so willing to change to become healthy.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    So I heard something about it, I spent the last several hours scanning around facebook being all paranoid and angry for really petty reasons and i came across something about BPD borderline Personality disorder, and so i wiki'd it to see the symptoms and bingo, they described like issues I have been battling with since early childhood. From black and white thinking, splitting, paranoid thoughts, pushing people away, disassociation, SI, fear of abandonment, early childhood sexual abuse, so on and so forth, anyone here know anything about this disorder? Help me please before I break off a relationship with someone who is actually good for me and I actually feel like I can love.... because I am not going to take any more stabs at relationships after this one, I will just accept being a loner for good.

    i dont have insurance right now so i cant afford to see a doctor, i just want to know more about it.

    i think bpd is very controversial topic, bc it gets diagnosed way too often. as you can see many criteria match even Ns, and introverts. so unless you are throwing ashtrays into head of people around you, treatening suicide, crying few times a day or you are very conflicting and self hating .. i wouldnt call it BPD.
    you might as well need a therapy besides that. i suggest if you feel bad you should get money somehow and do it.

    mental health is spectrum, you can walk PD line but not cross it, i find diagnosis totally useless

    Personaly i know a few people who have been diagnosed without any reason whatsoever,because they've been told they will be sick forever and all the common crap, and now they are happy (less than 2 yrs from diagnosis), really normal, beautiful people. Many people in early 20ies show bpd symptoms.



    as much as self-diagnosis is crap, professional diagnosis can be a crap too. in psychiatry i'd call them all "professionals" not real professionals.


    as for what happens in the mind of BPD person:
    it's just like any other low self esteem, but to extreme. They are so removed from their core, real self, and unaware of their real feelings and needs, so they operate from defenses, trying to involve everyone else in their dance, they lack real reflection you might say. Most BPDs extremely lack real self reflection, so it's extremely important to them how you react to them etc.

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    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    It's treatable.

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    Junior Member Maizy's Avatar
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    If you can't afford it, there are community clinics and resources and such to help. Some centers serving uninsured or people who have a low-income will charge on a sliding scale based on your income. It's worth looking into. This link may help
    NAMI | Find Support

    There are places out there that offer counseling for uninsured Fredericksburg Counseling

    Or, there may be a chance that your employer has an employee assistence program.. which offers a few sessions of free counseling and can perhaps refer you to some other resources.

    Good for you for wanting to take control of this and help yourself.

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