Ever since I was 5 or so, I remember occasionally experiencing a weird sense of awareness. It's not something that happens to me. I consciously initiate it. The first time was when I was probably 5 and sitting in the playroom by myself and looking at a tall and wide bookshelf with a teddy bear sitting on top. I was looking at it and got this odd sense of seeing it in a different way. It still looked the same, just the feeling I got from looking at it changed, like I was much more consciously aware of it.
Ever since then, whenever I think of it (which isn't that often), I can invoke that same feeling. I'll look around at my surroundings and everything will seem more real to me as if I was just seeing them on a TV screen. It's really like I just woke up from the dream that was my whole life before that point and am seeing everything with my awake eyes for the first time. It is kind of an unsettling feeling because it's like my whole life was pointless and fake and everything that mattered to me during it wasn't real and I'm just now starting everything.
When I do this, I try to hold it for as long as I possibly can, but I can only keep it up for 20 seconds at most and I get distracted by things around me and my own thoughts and then I forget about it and I can never get back into it until the next time I think about it.
I just always wondered about it. I've tried explaining it to people and they can never relate. Maybe it is a cognitive process or something I'm tapping into. Or perhaps I'm just ignoring part of my psyche that I normally pay attention to. What do you think?