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  1. #51
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I will get this way about ideas or music. I always put down to Fi. I have it quite often. It is just part of my life.
    Yeah it happens to me with music too, not much with ideas though.
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  2. #52

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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I will get this way about ideas or music.
    Me too.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
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    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  3. #53
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    What I'd refer to as elevated or ecstatic state is not something I could sustain on everyday terms either, really. It happens to me when I'm biking over a mountain that I suddenly feel ecstatic at watching the plains under me, but that feeling comes with such a rush that leaves me not able to reason and sometimes puts me on the verge of crying. Not something good to live in this world, imho.
    I get that way too at certain times...although it doesn't make me want to cry, it makes me incredibly joyful. But I don't think anyone could maintain that sense of elevation...even if one could, the elevation itself would become old hat, and the elevation would become your new 'baseline' and would become ho-hum, and then you might be tempted to surpass even that.

    My high highs are high (haha) precisely because they don't happen just every day. Makes them that much more special and meaningful. If I never went back down to baseline, or more 'normal' state, I wouldn't have any point of reference for what IS really good (on the same token, what is really bad..at least in terms of my emotional state - My 'bad' might be perfectly manageable for someone else; I really have no idea).
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  4. #54

    Default Marriage

    So, I read a little more from Seligman's book.

    The final part of the book is called "In the Mansions of Life." It talks about work, love, raising children, etc.

    I was particularly struck by what was written about marriage:

    Quote Originally Posted by Seligman p.186-187
    Marriage, stable pair-bonding, romantic love--for the sake of economy I call all these "marriage" throughout this chapter--works remarkably well from a Positive Psychology point of view. In the Diener and Seligman study of extremely happy people, every person (save one) in the top 10 percent of happiness was currently involved in a romantic relationship. Perhaps the single most robust fact about marriage across many surveys is that married people are happier than anyone else. Of married adults, 40 percent call themselves "very happy," while only 23 percent of never-married adults do. This is true of every ethnic group studied, and it is true across the seventeen nations that psychologists have surveyed. Marriage is a more potent happiness factor than satisfaction with job, or finances, or community. As David Myers says in his wise and scrupulously documented American Paradox, "In fact, there are few stronger predictors of happiness than a close, nurturing, equitable, intimate, lifelong companionship with one's best friend."
    There's a lot more like that. It touches on depression and even on some evolutionary explanations.

    What do you think about the idea that a good marriage is so amazingly robust at predicting happiness? Not surprising that marriage is good, but so good?

    What are peoples ideas about happy marriage? (or happy "stable-bonding" if you prefer)
    How is it done? (By now, people familiar with my posts should know that I would ask "how")

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  5. #55
    heart on fire
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    Marriage is the joint result of the two people who join in it and how healthy they are in themselves and how happy they are with their lives. jmo. Some people would find more happiness in marriage and some people would be happier single. I think it is an individual thing.

  6. #56
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Marriage is the joint result of the two people who join in it and how healthy they are in themselves and how happy they are with their lives. jmo. Some people would find more happiness in marriage and some people would be happier single. I think it is an individual thing.
    I agree with this. I think a marriage is only as good as the people in it. If you have two people who aren't secure or happy, marrying them isn't going to make them better people. If marrying brings them that security, then it helps them, but it's not the only thing that brings it. And it doesn't always bring it. Sometimes it can create stresses in people who were fine before marriage. It's quite individual.

    So my take is that you should only marry someone because you care about them and really want that relationship with that person, and not seek a marriage just to be married for what you think it will bring you. You know what I mean?

  7. #57
    heart on fire
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    Certainly people who know themselves and know they would be happier single, need to remain true to themselves and not cave to other's expectations.

  8. #58

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    These are good points. It is certainly possible that what is happening is that happy/healthy people get and stay married in happy/healthy relationships.

    Cause and effect (or mutualy root causation, cyclic causation, etc.) can't be discovered too easilly from these studies.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  9. #59
    Glowy Goopy Goodness The_Liquid_Laser's Avatar
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    I think that if the two people in the relationship are relatively healthy and also ready for a commitment then they will make each other happy.
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