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  1. #11
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    I'm interested in this as I DID lose my dad at a young age. I KNOW it affected me in certain ways. I don't believe it affected my type, but may have contributed to pushing me into my "shadow" or whatever you want to call it.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

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  2. #12
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    There was some great sense there about underlying inclinations, including Two's and Five's ultimately wanting control.
    Yeah. That stood out to me too.

    It ties in with Fives integrating to Eight - Eight being the power-seeking type.
    INTP 5s definitely have this tension between wanting ultimate control over their environment and person and at the same time not wanting to be bothered by anything/one. I guess those are two sides of the same coin.

    INTP 9s solve the problem of not being bothered in a different way. It's all pretty interesting.

    /derail
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #13
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    I'm interested in this as I DID lose my dad at a young age. I KNOW it affected me in certain ways. I don't believe it affected my type, but may have contributed to pushing me into my "shadow" or whatever you want to call it.
    Would you (or anyone else who did lose or was abandoned) by their dad at a young age elaborate on how you think it affected you?
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  4. #14
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Would you (or anyone else who did lose or was abandoned) by their dad at a young age elaborate on how you think it affected you?
    It might be easier if I were asked questions.

    Long term effects. I will never be the person who thinks, "that will never happen to me". I know it can happen to me, or you or you. I realized life is not certain.

    I think, if I had had a solid support system when he died I would have fared much better. Sadly I was an extrovert who could barely figure out what to wear without talking about it, yet I had no one to talk with about such a traumatic event. I had to introvert to deal with it, and that is what made me feel alone and isolated for many years...

    Really it affected me in a lot of ways, I'm not sure where to start, but I'm an open book, so ask away.
    Last edited by angelhair45; 08-27-2010 at 03:21 PM. Reason: bad grammar
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  5. #15
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelhair45 View Post
    Really it affected me in a lot of ways, I'm not sure where to start, but I'm an open book, so ask away.
    If I might ask, do you believe his absence had a net effect on your social/romantic choices?

  6. #16
    Senior Member rowingineden's Avatar
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    Hmm. My biological father was prone to neglecting and psychologically abusing me, and died when I was 8. I'm not sure if I fit your criteria or not, since I never really thought of him as my "real father" - I think of my stepfather as being my "dad". Granted, I tend to be pretty distant from my dad, too, because he is very curmudgeony and loud and long-winded. The only way this seems to actively affect me these days is that I have difficulty trusting and I like to be somewhat in control in a relationship.

    I was with a girl whose father had recently separated and then divorced her mother - she was very initially clingy but then very distant emotionally soon after. She was very anxious and depressed, overemotional, impulsive, and immature - I think she had gone through a regression. She put me in the role of a replacement father. *sigh*
    "You get what you're given, it's all how you use it."
    Pink - "God is a DJ"

  7. #17
    Senior Member InTheFlesh's Avatar
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    I thought it was known that when a daughter is abandoned by her father it is more likely that she will end up as an Enneagram type 4. What I've found is that many 4's have an extreme fear of abandonment, rooted from their father or mother emotionally or physically abandoning them when they were young. They also seem not to have a general awareness of who they are as a person because one or both of their parents were gone and they had to try to figure out who they were by themselves, which is nearly impossible for a child in most cases.
    They also have that drive that makes them believe they are different or unique, which also could be related by losing a parent. The child could subconsciously think "Hmm, those other people all have two parents and I only have one, why am I different?" Fours often don't know why they are different, but they just have that thought rooted deep in there mind.
    Moreover, they often have a craving for attention which once again, could be related to a missing parent. They could possibly just be searching for that limitless attention that they never received from a parent.

    These are all just possibilities, I'm not trying to say this is the only way it happens.
    Sorry it was so choppy

  8. #18
    Member Levitas's Avatar
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    I am also someone who was abandoned by their father at a young age. I was three years old when my parents divorced. Afterward he remarried and disappeared. This affected me tremendously as a person and in my relationships with others.
    "Was I born a cute, vindictive little bitch, or did society make me that way? I go back and forth on that."

  9. #19
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Levitas View Post
    I am also someone who was abandoned by their father at a young age. I was three years old when my parents divorced. Afterward he remarried and disappeared. This affected me tremendously as a person and in my relationships with others.
    Quote Originally Posted by InTheFlesh View Post
    Moreover, they often have a craving for attention which once again, could be related to a missing parent. They could possibly just be searching for that limitless attention that they never received from a parent.
    Yes I am interested in how it affects relationships interpersonal and particularly romantic relationships. Trust seems to be either limited or very intense but short lived or very often wanting repeated assurances/physical presence. Another aspect is a particular sensitively to criticism, especially by someone who is close (i.e. even when complemented noticing those parts of the complement that are less complementary then the main gist of the complement. For example I have noticed in some different voice either 1) a little girl voice well into adulthood or 2) an emotionally fluctuating and animated voice [sometime with a angry or brooding tone] or 3) a quiet shy voice or 4) a mixture of the above. I don't know if this is symptomatic it is just anecdotal and wondering if this fits a profile.

    I would also ask those who have gone through this whether surviving this experiance has given you specific gifts or strengths and what they are?
    I redact everything I have written or will write on this forum prior to, subsequent with and or after the fact of its writing. For entertainment purposes only and not to be taken seriously nor literally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Spamtar - a strange combination of boorish drunkeness and erudite discussions, or what I call "an Irish academic"

  10. #20
    Member Levitas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Yes I am interested in how it affects relationships interpersonal and particularly romantic relationships. Trust seems to be either limited or very intense but short lived or very often wanting repeated assurances/physical presence. Another aspect is a particular sensitively to criticism, especially by someone who is close (i.e. even when complemented noticing those parts of the complement that are less complementary then the main gist of the complement. For example I have noticed in some different voice either 1) a little girl voice well into adulthood or 2) an emotionally fluctuating and animated voice [sometime with a angry or brooding tone] or 3) a quiet shy voice or 4) a mixture of the above. I don't know if this is symptomatic it is just anecdotal and wondering if this fits a profile.

    I would also ask those who have gone through this whether surviving this experiance has given you specific gifts or strengths and what they are?
    Personally I can be very distant with people and in particular, people of the opposite sex. I tense up when around men of my own age and older and at the same time I yearn for their attention but I do not initiate anything for that attention. Once around certain guys I can be somewhat comfortable with them but it takes a long while. Sometimes years. I'm not completely sure why I am like this but I believe that I'm afraid that I'll get close to them and then they will hurt me in someway, and I'm not talking about them just leaving. In terms of my voice I can have that shy authoritative voice but when I'm around people I know very well and am comfortable with I have a different tone. Some of my friends even say I sound condescending or even bitchy when I don't even realize I'm doing it.

    Going through something like this isn't easy in the slightest but I feel that it has made me more self aware in how my actions effect other people. Learning from how my father's actions have effected me.
    "Was I born a cute, vindictive little bitch, or did society make me that way? I go back and forth on that."

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