User Tag List

First 3456 Last

Results 41 to 50 of 56

  1. #41
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tovlo View Post
    Yeah, that makes sense. I generally feel little need to debate with others my perspectives and would be most likely to simply walk away from a conflict too.
    I would at least need to feel that my perspective made sense in some way before I could feel comfortable with it, though. So I would probably try to explain why I felt the way I did, and give them an opportunity to change my mind. I just don't like to be closed to the idea that I might be wrong about something, or may have overlooked something that would change my perspective.

    If they started accusing me of things or something, I would probably walk away too. But I like to try and explain my views while listening to those of others to see if I can understand why the other feels that way, or even come to an agreement.

    Does that make sense?

  2. #42
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    Your Judging function (Fe) is on the surface and is Auxiliary (is more reflexive). So when you push people away from a tender spot, it's fairly out in the open and automatic.

    Our Judging function (Fi) is internal and is Dominant (is more deliberate and more directly accessible to us). So when it gets bruised, the injury hits more at a sense of who we are, and we can push people away from that part in a more deliberate and duplicitous manner. IOW, we can drum up more pain, outrage, and irritation when our Judging buttons get pushed, and thus do the quiet "but you're an idiot" thing to justify to ourselves why we need space from you at that moment.

    Not that it's your fault or anything. It's just that when it's bruised the J function can be a regular little monster.
    Again, makes sense. Thanks for that insight. I never considered that the "you're an idiot" was defensive rather than a real assesment of personal merit.

    Is the "you" in your response generic or because you assumed that I had personally been engaged in that sort of interaction? I'm not aware of any personal engagement like that, but only felt unsettled in the observing of it among others, fearing that in fact I was judged an idiot (or any other number of unpleasant things. ) privately.
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  3. #43
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    I would at least need to feel that my perspective made sense in some way before I could feel comfortable with it, though. So I would probably try to explain why I felt the way I did, and give them an opportunity to change my mind. I just don't like to be closed to the idea that I might be wrong about something, or may have overlooked something that would change my perspective.

    If they started accusing me of things or something, I would probably walk away too. But I like to try and explain my views while listening to those of others to see if I can understand why the other feels that way, or even come to an agreement.

    Does that make sense?
    It makes sense to me. I was mostly thinking of situations I've been in previously where I've felt a lot of pressure to adopt someone else's perspective. I also feel compelled to be open to things that I may have overlooked that could open my perspective. I want to understand more than anything and I recognize that I don't have within me all I need to understand. I need other's perspectives to get the most clear picture. I actually think it's because of this tendency that sometimes I have to just walk away. Sometimes the pressure is so great on me to accept someone's perspective exclusively that I don't feel I have strength to resist. I have to walk away from those sorts of engagements to give myself some space to really consider their argument and remain open to other ways of seeing things.

    Does that make sense?

    (truthfully that question just flowed and then I realized the echo...but I truly want to know so it remains.)
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  4. #44
    RDF
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tovlo View Post
    Is the "you" in your response generic or because you assumed that I had personally been engaged in that sort of interaction?
    That's the collective you (throughout the post), as in "all of you crazy INFJs."

    Quote Originally Posted by tovlo View Post
    I'm not aware of any personal engagement like that, but only felt unsettled in the observing of it among others, fearing that in fact I was judged an idiot (or any other number of unpleasant things. ) privately.
    A bruised J is unsettling. I was married to an ISTJ for 10 years, and I've been with my INFP wife for 8. Whether it's internal or external, Dominant or Auxiliary, it's hard not to take that thing personally when it pushes me away.

  5. #45
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tovlo View Post
    It makes sense to me. I was mostly thinking of situations I've been in previously where I've felt a lot of pressure to adopt someone else's perspective. I also feel compelled to be open to things that I may have overlooked that could open my perspective. I want to understand more than anything and I recognize that I don't have within me all I need to understand. I need other's perspectives to get the most clear picture. I actually think it's because of this tendency that sometimes I have to just walk away. Sometimes the pressure is so great on me to accept someone's perspective exclusively that I don't feel I have strength to resist enough to actually constructively look at it and analyze where I agree or where things still don't make sense to me. I have to walk away from those sorts of engagements to give myself some space to remain open.

    Does that make sense?

    (truthfully that question just flowed and then I realized the echo...but I truly want to know so it remains.)
    Oh, yes. That's usually when I walk away... if the person pressures me about their viewpoint when I think I disagree. I usually prefer discussing it when the other person isn't pressing me to accept their perspective, or also seems willing to accept that they might be wrong if I can explain why.

    I've never been called an "idiot" by an INFP. The feeling I always got was that they dismissed my views as "logic," which was what hurt. Being called an idiot wouldn't bother me as much, but being accused of having a perspective based only on logic makes me feel rather worthless. It was also confusing, because I usually believed I had taken people's emotions into account with my own perspective.

  6. #46
    RDF
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    I've never been called an "idiot" by an INFP. The feeling I always got was that they dismissed my views as "logic," which was what hurt. Being called an idiot wouldn't bother me as much, but being accused of having a perspective based only on logic makes me feel rather worthless.
    Again, it's just "bruised J" pushback. It's whatever will get the INFP some space. You can take it personally if you wish. But you needn't. The bad feelings are gone on the INFP's side as soon as the INFP's personal space/autonomy is restored.

  7. #47
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    That's the collective you (throughout the post), as in "all of you crazy INFJs."


    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    The bad feelings are gone on the INFP's side as soon as the INFP's personal space/autonomy is restored.
    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    A bruised J is unsettling. I was married to an ISTJ for 10 years, and I've been with my INFP wife for 8. Whether it's internal or external, Dominant or Auxiliary, it's hard not to take that thing personally when it pushes me away.
    Yeah, that's true...but it is easier not to when you understand the dynamics of what might be going on in the other person, so thanks!
    Last edited by tovlo; 01-19-2008 at 08:43 AM. Reason: clean up a rushed "just leaving work" post
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  8. #48
    RDF
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tovlo View Post
    Yeah, that's true...but it is easier not to when you understand the dynamics of what might be going on in the other person, so thanks!
    Glad to help, Tovlo.

    I don't know if you caught an edit on one of my earlier posts. In one of the posts describing the bruised J, I added:

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    FWIW, by the way, my wife and I are both INFPs. We know what's going on in each other's minds when we get on each other nerves.
    It's kind of funny when my wife gets steamed. Sometimes she even mutters under her breath, "Idiot!" But it's over just that quick. Nowadays I kind of just snicker when I see her stewing about something. She's funny when she gets angry. I just give her room for a little bit, and everything's fine again. I've learned not to take it personally, and she has learned not to take it personally when I glower at her. INFPs run hot and cold. Nothing to be done about it but simply wait it out.

  9. #49
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Oh, yes. That's usually when I walk away... if the person pressures me about their viewpoint when I think I disagree. I usually prefer discussing it when the other person isn't pressing me to accept their perspective, or also seems willing to accept that they might be wrong if I can explain why.


    I do get the sense that your threshold for walking away might be higher than mine due to a greater ability or willingness to engage in trying to defend your perspective. I generally lack both a strength of perspective worth defending as well as the skill to defend, so I perhaps reach the point of choosing to walk away sooner. I'm most comfortable when my engagement with others is of a more cooperative, exploratory nature and if I sense I'm in a combative environment at all, I'll generally excuse myself. There are exceptions, but that's my usual tendency.

    Anyway yes, aside from any potential threshold differences, it sounds like we're on a similar page. Thanks for sharing your experience, athenian. My Fe appreciated it.
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  10. #50
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    248

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    It's kind of funny when my wife gets steamed. Sometimes she even mutters under her breath, "Idiot!" But it's over just that quick. Nowadays I kind of just snicker when I see her stewing about something. She's funny when she gets angry. I just give her room for a little bit, and everything's fine again. I've learned not to take it personally, and she has learned not to take it personally when I glower at her. INFPs run hot and cold. Nothing to be done about it but simply wait it out.
    What's funny is that while I've felt uncomfortable in the past observing other INFP's and worrying that I held a place of contempt quietly in their hearts, I've never had that worry about the INFP who has my heart. Odd that. But glad for that too. Though if ever I do hear "idiot" muttered quietly from his lips, perhaps now I'll have the perspective to understand.
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

Similar Threads

  1. Thinking types and their emotions.
    By Athenian200 in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 12-26-2014, 02:06 PM
  2. Types and their respective high school personas...
    By The Ü™ in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 92
    Last Post: 07-13-2011, 06:05 PM
  3. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 04-19-2010, 08:04 AM
  4. [MBTItm] NFs and their outrageous opinions!
    By Hexis in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 05-03-2008, 01:12 PM
  5. [MBTItm] STJ's and their kid
    By chippinchunk in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-26-2007, 05:01 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO