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  1. #1
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Default Great Moments In Self-Control

    Which type do you think has the most self-control? What are your great moments of self-control or what are your favourite memories of others exhibiting self-control or even your favourite moments from film and fiction.

    I think this is one of the things I find most virtuous or admire in others, and other people sure can display it to a much greater extent than me.

    The last time I came close to losing control I was turning right at a T junction and someone came quickly around a bend at the back of my car and tried to overtake on the right hiting the front right of my car as I turned. That would have been bad enough but they ploughed on, it effectively wrenched the front part of my car off and tore the whole side of their ford Ka off (seriously those cars are made of tin foil).

    When I got hit it was like "Oh Shit!" but when they ploughed on it was like dodgems, that's what it felt like but I felt an overwhelming rage, like "This isnt dodgems you f**tard! Look what you're doing to my car! Look what you're doing to me! I'm under attack!". In that moment I seriously had an impulse to hit the accelerator and just push them off the damn road altogether but I stopped myself.

    When I got out of the car they turned out to be, and you could tell this from appearence, someone who wasnt too bright, to be charitable, who then informed me they where racing to work, they had a mobile phone in their hand which I suspect they where on while driving and they also immediately implied the collision was my fault and they where injured. I could have kicked their ass there and then but I waited to fight them in court.

    Didnt get any satisfaction that way because of a legal precident set in England where apparently this happens all the time and its now become the responsibility of the driver turning right to indicate and ensure it is understood by other motorists ie you sit still and dont move at all, it was settled 50/50 insurance claim.

    The other main time I remember was on a caving trip when I freaked out in something called a traverse and had a kind of involuntary mental dialogue telling me if I simply plunged down a cravice I'd be fine or it would be less stressful than trying to climb out, madness! Convinced me of the Freudian "death instinct" having some root in reality anyway. I controlled myself and made it out of that passage.

  2. #2
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I think it isn't as type related as one might think.

    For example, it's easy to say INTP's are always in control, but that's because when they aren't in control they are passive agressive and still seem in control even though they are not.

    We all have our boundaries and when they are crossed we tend to toss normal procedure out of the window. There are people capable of tolerating more than others but I don't think it has much to do with type at all.

    As for J/P dichotomy. P's are more laid-back and easy going by nature. But that doesn't mean they are better at controlling themselves. Judgers sometimes might seem out of control, especially from the perspective of perceivers, but they're actually quite in control of themselves. They just project differently.

    I'd say it's more interesting to see how the different types react when out of control. Rather than which type is best at keeping control. Because the latter is basicly just an illusion.


    I am personally very good at keeping control and not being passive agressive about things nowadays, but when I was a bit younger that wasn't particularly the case. Back then I might have seemed in control by others, but I was pretty much yoyo'ing all over the place passive agressively. The fact that I don't have control issues, even in situations where the average person would flip out, doesn't have anything to do with my type, but rather with my experiences.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    What do you understand by passive aggressive? I hear that used quite a bit but the way in which people describe it it sounds more like casually aggressive, passsive aggression as I understand it is non-compliant or pro-actively resistant.

    So someone who challenges and fights direction could be aggressive, someone who does it all the time and casually, perhaps their whole style of communication is premised upon this kind of behaviour is casually aggressive, whereas deliberately failing to meet with expectations or perform as expected following direction but without complaint about or comment upon or challenge to the original direction is passive aggression.

    Perhaps I'm using that word inaccurately, if I am correct me or provide an explanation which is more appropriate, cheers.

  4. #4
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    What do you understand by passive aggressive? I hear that used quite a bit but the way in which people describe it it sounds more like casually aggressive, passsive aggression as I understand it is non-compliant or pro-actively resistant.

    So someone who challenges and fights direction could be aggressive, someone who does it all the time and casually, perhaps their whole style of communication is premised upon this kind of behaviour is casually aggressive, whereas deliberately failing to meet with expectations or perform as expected following direction but without complaint about or comment upon or challenge to the original direction is passive aggression.

    Perhaps I'm using that word inaccurately, if I am correct me or provide an explanation which is more appropriate, cheers.
    Passive agressiveness:
    Being agressive without letting the person know you're agressive. Thinking badly of the person or screwing the person over behind their backs as a way of 'retaliation'.

    Example:

    Random person does some for of injustice to the passive agressive person. The passive agressive person swallows it up, thinking to himself "you bastard, I'm gonna deflate your tires when you turn around and aren't looking." all the while smiling at the person as if nothing is wrong.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Passive agressiveness:
    Being agressive without letting the person know you're agressive. Thinking badly of the person or screwing the person over behind their backs as a way of 'retaliation'.

    Example:

    Random person does some for of injustice to the passive agressive person. The passive agressive person swallows it up, thinking to himself "you bastard, I'm gonna deflate your tires when you turn around and aren't looking." all the while smiling at the person as if nothing is wrong.


    That sounds like a crazy sort of covert reactive aggression, could be a true or better definition, I'm not that familar, I've always thought passive aggressiveness has been an Americanism.

  6. #6
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post


    That sounds like a crazy sort of covert reactive aggression, could be a true or better definition, I'm not that familar, I've always thought passive aggressiveness has been an Americanism.
    Yeah, it might seem people like that are 'in control'. Because they don't 'flip out' on the spot. But they're not, because if they were they wouldn't need to retaliate or come up with a better solution. It's just a different way of losing control.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Passive agressiveness:
    Being agressive without letting the person know you're agressive. Thinking badly of the person or screwing the person over behind their backs as a way of 'retaliation'.

    Example:

    Random person does some for of injustice to the passive agressive person. The passive agressive person swallows it up, thinking to himself "you bastard, I'm gonna deflate your tires when you turn around and aren't looking." all the while smiling at the person as if nothing is wrong.
    I know an INTP who will frequently not bother to indicate that he disagrees with something another person is doing or has done. The other person then continues, thinking he has the INTP's agreement. Only later, sometimes weeks later, does the INTP let loose at the other person for that particular event. I have always considered that to be passive-aggressive (perhaps incorrectly), and have always been surprised to see an INTP behave this way. I prefer either to disagree in the moment, or genuinely to give in or accept the situation, perhaps simply as the lesser of two evils, in which case I won't hold it over the other person since I had my chance to disagree and did not.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Stevo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I know an INTP who will frequently not bother to indicate that he disagrees with something another person is doing or has done. The other person then continues, thinking he has the INTP's agreement. Only later, sometimes weeks later, does the INTP let loose at the other person for that particular event. I have always considered that to be passive-aggressive (perhaps incorrectly), and have always been surprised to see an INTP behave this way. I prefer either to disagree in the moment, or genuinely to give in or accept the situation, perhaps simply as the lesser of two evils, in which case I won't hold it over the other person since I had my chance to disagree and did not.
    I can relate to this. I tend not to voice criticisms most of the time unless specifically asked for an opinion. That's all it takes to know if we approve: Just ask! If you don't we'll let you continue on your merry way without our approval. In most situations, it doesn't matter to us in the end.

  9. #9
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    When I read the thread title, I thought it was about going against the call of nature

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    What do you understand by passive aggressive?
    The way it's been used to describe me is in the following scenario :-
    I do something that I feel deserves a pat on the back but pretend that I don't care and wasn't looking for compliments. Then when I don't get any compliments, I get angry.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  10. #10
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Can I tell the story about the goldfish?

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