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  1. #11
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I don't always think self-control is a good thing.
    Sometimes it's a coward's way out of not having to face legitimate conflict.

    I spent a lot of my life living in self-restraint, which was good in some ways and not in others. Having to deal with my parents growing up, and being unable to communicate with either because they were incapable or unwilling to have any reasonable discourse, I learned to control myself instead and not let my emotions express themselves in my body (as much as possible) except for when I chose. That's not a great thing either, it kills sponaneity for the good stuff.

    I usually did not show fear and could make myself do things most people would have had trouble doing (including 2-3 hour drives in the middle of the night on little sleep, or that 6-hour drive by myself through an actual blizzard one holiday, back around when I was twenty). But I tolerated some horrible depression and misery over the years of my life trying to make an untenable situation work, by just sticking my nose to the grindstone and controlling how I felt. There were times I just wanted to make decisions based on my emotional state but I squelched it instead because I believed I should. And despite my wanting to get along with people and feeling like I always had to be civil, nice, kind, whatever, there have been people I've met who I just found insufferable ... yet somehow managed to suck it up. Maybe not always for the best.

    I don't exercise as much control as I used to, partly by choice -- I was tired of feeling that level of disconnect from my actual source of energy and internal emotion, and I don't always see the point of control nowadays if the conflict needs to happen and deserves to happen. I guess I could say instead of self-controlling all the time out of fear, I'd rather consciously make choices about how to respond.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #12
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    My (Common) Great Accomplishments in Self Control:

    (1) Sitting Still
    (2) Not Speaking When Others are Speaking
    (3) Keeping the Volume of My Voice Down
    (4) Finishing Any Reading Assignment from Grad School :zzz:
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

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  3. #13
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't always think self-control is a good thing.
    Sometimes it's a coward's way out of not having to face legitimate conflict.

    I usually did not show fear and could make myself do things most people would have had trouble doing (including 2-3 hour drives in the middle of the night on little sleep, or that 6-hour drive by myself through an actual blizzard one holiday, back around when I was twenty). But I tolerated some horrible depression and misery over the years of my life trying to make an untenable situation work, by just sticking my nose to the grindstone and controlling how I felt. There were times I just wanted to make decisions based on my emotional state but I squelched it instead because I believed I should. And despite my wanting to get along with people and feeling like I always had to be civil, nice, kind, whatever, there have been people I've met who I just found insufferable ... yet somehow managed to suck it up. Maybe not always for the best.

    I don't exercise as much control as I used to, partly by choice -- I was tired of feeling that level of disconnect from my actual source of energy and internal emotion, and I don't always see the point of control nowadays if the conflict needs to happen and deserves to happen. I guess I could say instead of self-controlling all the time out of fear, I'd rather consciously make choices about how to respond.
    But the underlined is a form of self control, too. Self-control is not about avoiding conflict, but rather about handling it in the manner of your choosing, so you have no regrets later and are more likely to get a favorable outcome.

    The highlighted sound very familiar, but for me the experiences were much more positive. The ability to control my emotions and reactions in these situations boosted my confidence and demonstrated the effectiveness of the approach, encouraging me to develop it more. As for driving, I've always enjoyed driving almost anywhere, any time, in any conditions. When I was younger, it was just another challenge. I still enjoy driving somewhere new for the first time.

  4. #14
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    My (Common) Great Accomplishments in Self Control:

    (1) Sitting Still
    (2) Not Speaking When Others are Speaking
    (3) Keeping the Volume of My Voice Down
    (4) Finishing Any Reading Assignment from Grad School :zzz:


    Man I love ESTPs, they are so great!

    As for me: I'd think xSTJs are probably the best at self-control. Very socially conscious, reserved and dispassionate.

    As for me, my best moment of self control was several years ago when a very attractive married woman propositioned me and I hadn't had sex at that point in a little over 3 years. I was rather proud of myself for turning her down (though I will say it was certainly not easy).
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    But the underlined is a form of self control, too.
    The highlighted sound very familiar, but for me the experiences were much more positive. The ability to control my emotions and reactions in these situations boosted my confidence and demonstrated the effectiveness of the approach, encouraging me to develop it more.
    Well, yeah. I offered those specifically as examples of self-control... and they were positive. I developed confidence because of them. (Not everyone could have made that blizzard drive, and I was only 20. My parents were really upset with me for doing it, but for my part I was an adult AND I weighed the situation, realized I could do it, and then I handled the driving in such a manner as to succeed. it took me 6 hours to make a 3 hour trip, but i still did it. That told me a lot about myself.)

    Self-control is not about avoiding conflict, but rather about handling it in the manner of your choosing, so you have no regrets later and are more likely to get a favorable outcome.
    It can be both. That was my point.

    I think people are looking it just as the latter, but I've even seen people here on this forum who consistently control things in ways to shut down other people in discussions rather than risk conflict. It's a sneaky little game, masquerading something bad as a positive...


    As for driving, I've always enjoyed driving almost anywhere, any time, in any conditions. When I was younger, it was just another challenge. I still enjoy driving somewhere new for the first time.
    me too, actually. I love racing games like Need for Speed, and my 50-minute commute nowadays, while sometimes feeling tedious, has been a positive challenge in seeing how I could minimize time spent on the road and get to know the specifics of the drive.

    I actually have to be careful if I play too much computer driving, because then I tend to respond on the road as if I were still in the game... and game physics are not only different but mistakes in-game don't have real-life ramifications.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    I'm experiencing a great moment of self-control right now. I'd really like to throw my computer out the window and refuse to do any more work on this God-forsaken web audit project. I AM NOT A WEB PROFESSIONAL!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!!

    Hey person at work who IS a web professional-- you got your reclassification... now DO the work you're getting paid more for! I'm still bitter that you got a reclass and I didn't. :steam::steam:
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

    My blog:
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    Wordpress: http://introvertadventures.wordpress.com/

  7. #17
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    My (Common) Great Accomplishments in Self Control:

    (1) Sitting Still
    (2) Not Speaking When Others are Speaking
    (3) Keeping the Volume of My Voice Down
    (4) Finishing Any Reading Assignment from Grad School :zzz:
    I cant remember the source of the quote but there was someone who said that the problems of mankind all basically stemmed back to the inability to still by yourself.

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