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  1. #11
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    I think the past 2-3 years have been a journey into trying to let go of controlling things that are in fact quite uncontrollable and in many ways out of my hands (at least 50% of it), most notably relationships and how I approach them and perceive them. Also to embrace the Unknown more, or if not happily/easily embrace it, at least be able to let go enough to be able to move forward in my life without letting fears hold me back, and without in some cases having definitive answers as to how things will unfold. Taking more risks, maybe.

    How did I decide about this? Personal reflection. Just the result of all of the years prior (I think it was inevitable, in a sense, just due to the overall progression/direction my thoughts and my life had been moving through), and my realizing that I needed to move in this direction to be able to lead a happier, more fulfilling life.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  2. #12
    Senior Member LeafAndSky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post

    -I'm past middle in this development. I'm trying to get more punctual, orderly and organized, while not organizing the wrong things. I noticed time go, and I had fun, but some people were able to ignore the fun opportunities and work on their stuff. I realized that my fun-seeking attitude wasn't bringing me the best fun, as I occasionally got troubles. I decided to learn to organize - it's easy to organize fast, and then I can enjoy good results later for a long period of time.

    So, what's yours?
    Mine this weekend is get organized.

    If you don't mind a question:

    What do you mean by "it's easy to organize fast"? I don't find it fast or easy, but I realize that if I don't do it, as you said, there are "troubles."

  3. #13
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Communicating my lack of interest when it comes to the advances/flirtation of other men. I am learning to say "no". No no no! Don't like you! Don't want your number. Don't think you're charming. Gooooooo awayyyyyyy.

  4. #14
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeafAndSky View Post
    Mine this weekend is get organized.

    If you don't mind a question:

    What do you mean by "it's easy to organize fast"? I don't find it fast or easy, but I realize that if I don't do it, as you said, there are "troubles."
    Well, I figured out that I had left some stuff unorganized, even though it took just a moment to organize it and the results were enjoyable. Things like labeling a VHS tape so that I could quickly find episodes of my favorite TV shows. Making sure the time when friends are available so we really can meet the time we've wanted. And, stuff like that.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member LeafAndSky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    Well, I figured out that I had left some stuff unorganized, even though it took just a moment to organize it and the results were enjoyable. Things like labeling a VHS tape so that I could quickly find episodes of my favorite TV shows. Making sure the time when friends are available so we really can meet the time we've wanted. And, stuff like that.
    Thanks, I get it now. Seeing the results as enjoyable really would help.

  6. #16
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I'd say mainly: being more productive (in various aspects of life) and less of a time-waster.

    Perhaps more importantly - doing more to assert my own needs rather than let resentment build up with people who might consciously or unconsciously take advantage of me. BUT, still remain kind and available. Difficult!
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  7. #17
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Oh, you have awesome development programs.

    None of them seem to have begun because someone else demanded you or me or anyone to change.

    I think it proves a point someone once told me.
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  8. #18
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    Finally, a thread I can relate to. The OP sounds a lot like me.

    Here are the things I am working on:

    In progress. Be more accepting and appreciative of other peoples differences. I am only going to be miserable if I don't do it. Not everyone will live up to your standards and you shouldn't expect them to.

    In progress. Listen to my gut feel and intuition more. I have spent most of my life conforming to norms and traditions that were not aligned to who I am. “Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts”, indeed.

    In progress. Make my life simpler. One of my close friends made a remark that I like to make my life unnecessarily complicated. I have always had this desire to prove myself, that I am better than everyone else, an attitude passed on from my father. I have always felt that I had to prove how smart I am by excelling at things a layman would consider complicated.

    Completed. Stop being a people pleaser. This sprung from the realization that being a people pleaser was a sign of a lack of self respect.

    In progress. Take things as they come. Being a control freak can be quite draining.

    In progress. Make the best of the opportunities that are in front of me. In past, I often wasted time chasing the grandiose machinations of my overactive intuition, missing out on the more practical and sensible opportunities that were in front of me.

    Completed. Throw away all those philosophy books I've accumulated over the years. Only my own intimate understanding of things really matter in the end.

    In progress. Be more free. "Live in freedom and let others live in freedom", something a wise old woman told me that had a revelatory effect on me.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    Settle on the perfect phonological systems for two of my current three conlangs. I have gotten the basic syntax far along enough, but it is much harder to find the perfect flow. Although this isn't very personal, is it.

    Master the four tones of Mandarin. Self-explanatory? This came about only a week ago. I always thought tonal languages were to be avoided, but recently I've found how much fun they can be.

    Try harder not to speak unless spoken to and hold back on participating unless openly asked or invited; minimize interaction with those who aren't close friends. This comes from wanting to break the chain of unpleasant social experiences.

    Listen more to what others have to say. Try to have a deeper interest in the lives and goings-on of others. I want to finally do this because it makes others feel more acknowledged and appreciated, less unimportant and overlooked. It matters because the 'others' in question matter and I'd like them to know so.

    Be warmer and more personal. I want to learn to give and receive warmth, communicate feelings of appreciation, and feel close instead of distant. I will accomplish this eventually.

  10. #20
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    These are main ones for me. I'll likely get into lesser, more specific ones another time.
    Regret Nothing:
    Life happens and I realized early on that my decisions, at the time of them, were right for me. People regret things when they see the opposing side of situations or after the consequences. If people really felt the opposite about something, they would make the "right" decision from the start. Regret is beating a dead horse. I've determined that I can think "This could have gone differently" and still omit a lot of regret and dwelling.
    Assess the Positive:
    No situation is 100% bad. I refuse to believe it, no matter the argument. There is always something a situation can teach us or someone else. There is always a way that we are changed or benefited, either immediately or in the longrun. I choose to view the positive, because it helps me to learn and grow. It also keeps me from being caught up in that realm of regret and dwelling.
    Accept Faults
    I don't mean every fault, but the ones that don't adversly affect others and that the individual can accept of themselves. If you are down on yourself or others about faults, you are only proving to be a hindrance. To me, acceptance is the first step toward change. The fault may stay, but the viewpoint may alter. The fault itself may change. Either way, it is better to accept what is reasonable.
    Maintain Individualist Life Standards
    Everyone's life is their own. Living it to the fullest may range from climbing mountains and bungee jumping right down to sitting in cafes and drinking a glass of wine once a day. I've learned that my life standards are just as good as anyone else's. They don't need to be changed because other people want more or less than I do. Majority rule doesn't apply here, as long as it doesn't really impede on others. I don't want much out of life. I am no less a person for that and my life will be no less lived by my standards; the important standards.
    Balance Self-Sacrifice and Self-Preservation
    It's been in my nature to care too much or overextend myself to people. I still do this when I care enough. I will give everything I possibly can to the people I love and consider close. Recently, self-preservation has been taking over beyond basic interactions. A person must realize when they are important. A person must also realize when their importance can be compromised for others. There is a balance and it is in us to find that balance and hone it. It is also in us to determine what is worthy of either side.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


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