Trying to forget

[Lark]

Do you ever experience any memories you really wish you could forget? Maybe not even something particularly traumatic but just cringe worthy from when you where growing up and wherent so smart? Or perhaps its not even an unpleasant memory really, just a dumb one or you want to forget it because those people and places are gone?

If you do and you would like to forget is there anything you can do to try and cause that to happen do you think? Self-hypnosis? Auto-suggestion? Convincing yourself its a phony memory or even a fictional account from a book which you recalled accidentially as a scrap of biography? Does anything work or is it just something you're stuck with for good?

 

[Aquarelle]

Ugh.... yeah, I've got a few memories like that. I think we're just stuck with them.

I just try to look at them as learning experiences.... whether they were those cringe-worthy, stupid things I did when I Was growing up, or whether it is a more painful/sad memory. They all helped make me who I am today. Given the chance, I'm not sure I would choose to forget them... maybe, maybe not.

 

[Stevo]

I am reminded of them all the time, and some are really terrible. But there's nothing to do about it other than cringe and move on.

 

[nolla]

Sometimes I try to figure out why an old memory like that popped up. Usually there is some connection to what is going on now.

 

[SecondBest]

If you do and you would like to forget is there anything you can do to try and cause that to happen do you think? Self-hypnosis? Auto-suggestion? Convincing yourself its a phony memory or even a fictional account from a book which you recalled accidentially as a scrap of biography? Does anything work or is it just something you're stuck with for good?

Yeah, I've had my fair share of bad memories, traumatic ones, too. But now I've forgotten most, if not all of them. And here's my trick:

Isolate yourself. Do nothing. Let your mind wander as much as it wants for as long as it wants. Inevitably, these traumatic memories will rise to the surface. You'll relive them, but don't EVER run away from them. Let yourself think about them and remember them. Let your brain and memories air out. Remember, remember, and remember. Every last fucking detail. If you can talk to people about it or have people like that in your life, great. Do it - talk and be open with anyone and everyone who's even willing to give you a minute of their time. If this is not possible, make up people in your mind, flesh them out, give them voices, and a fashionable wardrobe. Talk to them instead, they're usually better at listening than real people anyway. (Ref. to Schizophrenia thread) But above all, let yourself relive it over and over again and don't ever try to push it away. Remember and relive them until you exhaust the demon inside you that's forcing you to remember. Outlast it. Like Ali vs. Foreman. Or Lesnar vs. Carwin.

And don't ever quit.

Then one day, when you don't notice it, the demon will give up and leave you alone forever. And you've won.

This method's tougher than most, but it's damn thorough.

 

[miss fortune]

the act of trying to forget just makes you concentrate on it in the back of your mind... just go with it

 

[Blown Ghost]

Forgetting means to cease remembering. It's not something you do, it's something you stop doing.

 

[nolla]

You suggest the thread should be titled "How to Stop Remembering"?

 

[Nonsensical]

Mostly embarassing memories that make me want to hit myself really hard.

 

[Blown Ghost]

You suggest the thread should be titled "How to Stop Remembering"?

No, I am suggesting that the first poster needs to simply allow what he wishes to forget to cease existing anywhere in his mind. That is what forgetting actually is. Pushing the thoughts off somewhere else in your mind or covering them up with something else is not really forgetting them.

 

[SecondBest]

Hmmm, reading my advice against everyone else's - maybe mine was a bit too much.

I'll give you some advice a wise friend of mine once told me - any unpleasantness that pops into your mind, just treat it like an unwelcome visitor. Let it sit and eat your food and put its feet up on your brand new coffee table. And just patiently wait for it to leave.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Damn Si and all of it's unwanted baggage... but alas you cannot forget your mistakes (if this is what they are) because then you'd repeat them. Erasing the memory means erasing the knowledge you gained because of the choice, which then allows the error of making the same choice again.

 

[SecondBest]

Damn Si and all of it's unwanted baggage... but alas you cannot forget your mistakes (if this is what they are) because then you'd repeat them. Erasing the memory means erasing the knowledge you gained because of the choice, which then allows the error of making the same choice again.

This is true. Unless you have picked apart every possible lesson you can learn from that mistake. Then you can erase the memory - in fact, I think that's when the memory erases itself.

Actually, maybe the recurrence of certain bad memories are a way that your mind is telling you that you have something yet to learn from that past experience? Then when you're done learning, maybe it'll go away on its own.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Your last paragraph is what I perceive reoccuring memories to mean. They occur until you have absorbed all of the knowledge from them, however I think that a dream that lingers too long can become tainted and never leaves because over time it has distorted itself and you can't understand it, so you contemplate over it and waste countless hours. I suppose I'm speaking from experience, but I'm en route to figuring out where I went wrong.

 

[Coriolis]

I cannot make such memories go away, but I can usually make them much less cringe-worthy by direct analysis. I remember the context, why I made the mistake or acted regrettably, what I learned from the experience, how I have handled similar experiences better, etc.

 

[SecondBest]

Your last paragraph is what I perceive reoccuring memories to mean. They occur until you have absorbed all of the knowledge from them, however I think that a dream that lingers too long can become tainted and never leaves because over time it has distorted itself and you can't understand it, so you contemplate over it and waste countless hours. I suppose I'm speaking from experience, but I'm en route to figuring out where I went wrong.

Though I don't believe I have had this experience, at least not yet or not that I'm aware of, I can definitely see it as a possibility.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

It's not cool. I hope you never run into a situation like this.

 

[SecondBest]

It's not cool. I hope you never run into a situation like this.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like fun. Hang in there, man.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Eh, it was a while back. The punch has lost it's punch. Thank you, though.

 

[Gloriana]

I agree with the idea it's better to just accept the memories and accept they happened. I agree that trying to push them away can be a lot like feeding the negative power they can come with.

I have a lot of traumatic memory related to my childhood, the kind of stuff that really can just feel like a bullet train right back there at times. This stuff used to enter my mind (either after a disturbing dream or when some similar, present feeling triggered them) and it was like it cast this darkness over my entire consciousness, I'd often feel sick, cornered, and just upset.

I think it's a pretty normal reaction to want to find a place to shove it so it stops causing those wretched feelings, I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't have that wish to be able to perform some kind of magic brain surgery to get it all out. I definitely did.

Thing is, I found a lot of these painful memories directly tied to something happening in my present situation. Struggling with feeling good about myself, struggling to form healthy relationships with people, struggling to feel loved, and all sorts of things. A lot of these memories were keys in this respect, shedding light on where a lot of my pain originated from. It sounds so utterly cliche, but for me it was really true.

These memories usually got me feeling exactly like I did when they first occurred, primal fear and rejection by a parent (among other things). It was like I became reduced to a shivering child all over again. I tried avoiding them, I tried forgetting, I tried pretending I didn't care.

As I got older though, I started taking a new approach. It really is like a monster under the bed. Instead of hiding under the covers I decided to really look it in the face. What was it going to do, kill me? Destroy my sanity? Make me explode?

I faced those memories and I won't lie, it hurt like hell. It was the kind of pain that literally had me on the floor shaking, crying, and feeling like my whole body might rattle apart. I felt the way as I did as a kid, but then I forced myself to remember I was grown up. It was sort of like going back in time to pick that little girl up and tell her it was okay, and not her fault.

It really changed so much, and while I'll still remember a lot of those things and I might get a pang, those memories do not have an eighth of the ability to paralyze me as they used to. They're just memories, but they don't kick me around because I accept. It hurt, and while it sounds like another cliche', it was like being set free.

I just think it's best to reckon with it and accept these things happened. There will never come a time when you don't have past situations that will mess with your head. No one in this world is perfect, no one in this world makes all the right choices all the time, no one in this world always says the right thing. We're human, we f**k up, we react too emotionally sometimes and sometimes we behave in ways we wish we hadn't.

I think it's best to accept that, think about all things we can do to improve, and be ready to do it all over again the next time a situation arises that is painful, embarrassing, or challenging.