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  1. #1
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    Default How regularly do you expect your friends to have time with you?

    Suppose some friend of yours has invited you for a beer or whatever activity on a semi-regular basis, say about once or twice a week, on average. There's a change in his patterns; he doesn't contact you for two weeks or so. What you feeling?

    Is he a traitor, cold-hearted bastard, has he abondoned you, etc.

    Is it just normal thing with the time - sometimes time allows for stuff, sometimes it doesn't.

    On a scale of 0 to 100, how much drama would you expect to be involved?

    How about the responsibility? Would you make an estimate of his responsibility on based on the patterns?

    Other thoughts?

    How about some other scenarios where regularity of time together comes as an important factor?

    Edit: if this is a more intricate matter, depending on circumstances, please explain.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I probably wouldn't notice, but when I did I like to think I'd call him up and ask if everything's ok. Could be that he's going through a rough patch, or that I'd inadvertently offended him. Maybe he just got sick of initiating and wanted to see if you'd notice if he stopped? Maybe it's none of these, but he'd probably still appreciate the call.

  3. #3
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    people get busy.
    i understand that.
    i can go off the radar for months at a time.

    i don't mind absence.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  4. #4
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    I wouldn't think anything of it, to be honest. I'm not used to people routinely inviting me to things, or engaging me.

    On the drama scale <10/100.

    What would make me question their feelings towards me as a friend, would be how they treat me altogether.

    If this was a significant other, i'd ask what's going on for clarification, but I wouldn't be too phased about it. I like spending quality time with people I like, but i'd only appreciate our time spent together if they were into it. If they haven't felt themselves for a few weeks, or need to get away, I completely understand that.

  5. #5
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I don't really notice either.

    Unless they owe me money (not that I'm a materialist really... that just bothers me, and the only time I'll go out of my way to see what's up).

  6. #6
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    What if someone doubled or tripled their frequency of contacts with you? Instead of once per month, they would invite you for some activity two or three times a month?

    Would they come of as needy? What's their reason to be so much with you? What do they want of you?

    Would it be strange? You're not that close, why all the sudden interest in you? Have they lost interest in their closest friends for a while, so they are seeking for backup friends?

    Would it be because they understood your value and they like you? Is it freaky or is it good?

    Now what's the level of drama involved?

    If it's situational, then what does it depend on?

    (I'm not searching for advice, I want to know where people stand on these issues.)
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  7. #7
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I appreciate it if people want to hang out. I don't think it's freaky or needy. I'm not sure what my threshold is.. The only times I thought it was freaky is a few times when I was young and someone would start copying me, and being really.. shadow like and mimicing.. I don't like that. That doesn't happen as we get older though (I think?).

  8. #8
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    No, I don't think it does.
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  9. #9
    *hmmms* theadoor's Avatar
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    Whenever and how often they want. They are friends therefore for them I have no schedule.
    Oh yeah?

  10. #10
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    I think it just ebbs and flows for me. I used to be a lot more paranoid about it (but I had psychotic narcissistic friends at the time, go figure.) I usually hear from most of my friends every week or so and see a lot of them in class so it hasn't been as big of a deal as it used to be for me.
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

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