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  1. #21
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    I'd notice but wouldn't care too much. It's happened before, the next time i see or hear from them we just pick up where we left off. Though I will say I usually 'rely' on one friend to hang out with, at this point in my life without that friend I'd be alone too much. With my other friends I wouldn't feel that comfortable hanging out with on a regular basis for some reason.

  2. #22
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    What I asked were leading questions, perhaps. We all want to play cool etc. in the situations described. Then again, people sometimes put a great value on the regularity of activity. It's a kind of a sign that things are OK. But then, we do get these reports where someone says they haven't received a call from someone in a week's time, and it feels unusual. Some's offended if the other person shows a bit of irregularity.

    I'd like someone who does take an offense in irregularity to speak up.

    Edit: what I mean.. people also pretend some purposeful irregularities are there for just a random reason. People rarely want to let go of a friend entirely.. they rather put them in a back pocket, if you know what I mean. Meanwhile, they don't want the other person to lose the sense of friendship, while they don't want to spend that much time with them, either. Social norms, practicalities, feelings etc. push us to act a certain way when we sense such a situation. IOW, aren't we supposed to act just OK, and pretend like a purposeful neglectance isn't happening?

    No, this isn't entirely my opinion either, that too is a leading question. I'm just pondering all sides of the situation.

    Edit 2: I'm trying to find my opinion about this.
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  3. #23
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    It depends. If it's a new friend (e.g., someone in my graduate program since I'm in the new year), then all the crazy will start to fly -- what did I do to offend him/her? Maybe I am too negative. All those sorts of doubts.

    If it's a very old friend, and I know how they work internally and that they're the type who likely just needs rest or can't do more than one thing at a time... then I'm okay.

    Does that make sense? More understanding=>less paranoia.

    But I move a lot. And people are new in my life a lot. And that means lots of worrying/drama. Does that help?

  4. #24
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Once or twice a week is WAY too big a commitment for me! I see my BFF (who lives about 10 miles away) maybe once or twice a month, and usually one of those times is our monthly Ladies Night with a group of friends. We occasionally email, text or Facebook as well.

    I think sometimes SHE feels like I'm out of touch (she's an E, I'm an I), but she mainly understands that I just need my alone time. I <3 her!!
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  5. #25
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    Suppose some friend of yours has invited you for a beer or whatever activity on a semi-regular basis, say about once or twice a week, on average. There's a change in his patterns; he doesn't contact you for two weeks or so. What you feeling?

    On a scale of 0 to 100, how much drama would you expect to be involved?

    How about the responsibility? Would you make an estimate of his responsibility on based on the patterns?

    Other thoughts?

    How about some other scenarios where regularity of time together comes as an important factor?
    I'd be more worried than upset with him... I actually really only get a chance to hang out with my best friend once a week. We usually have our Saturday lunch gathering to catch up with each other.

    0... We've been getting together at lunch for about three years now, we know that we both have busy lives and sometimes things come up.

    Oh hell, sometimes when we can't make it for the usual lunch we don't even call each other to let them know. So I am just as responsible for not calling him, as he is for not calling me. No reason to be mad at him when I didn't call him either.

    I'm pretty laid back when it comes to my friends. I talk to most of them during the day at work via email, so it's not a big deal if I don't see them all the time.


  6. #26
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Once or twice a week is WAY too big a commitment for me! I see my BFF (who lives about 10 miles away) maybe once or twice a month, and usually one of those times is our monthly Ladies Night with a group of friends. We occasionally email, text or Facebook as well.

    I think sometimes SHE feels like I'm out of touch (she's an E, I'm an I), but she mainly understands that I just need my alone time. I <3 her!!
    lol!

    at college, my BFF and i saw each other pretty much at least daily. we'd generally spend a few hours together a day, often more. sometimes of course we'd be apart for long weekends, or breaks, but then we'd have a huge time binge of being together. though during the summer we did separate summer-long things. we'd still see each other at least a few times.

    we live about 100 miles away now and probably see each other with about the same regularity as you and your BFF, but we usually contact one another daily through texting, messaging, email, etc. this amount of contact, as we have discussed, is not nearly enough for our preferences.

    then again, we're both Es, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    I'd like someone who does take an offense in irregularity to speak.
    i take offense in irregularity if someone who was previously consistently very close suddenly drops off the face of the planet, or is very hard to get a hold of, with no particular reason besides change of location.

    i have two friends like this now: one has not talked to me at all since she changed schools. i don't really understand why. we were very close friends for 2 years. the other was one of my closest friends in high school. she kind of "shifted" social groups during college (to a different group of people from the same high school) and doesn't really talk to the old group anymore. while i understand that they are in closer proximity to her, that is no reason to completely blow off all of the people you used to be tight with. lessen socializing, yes; ignore, no.

    i completely understand changing social circles, but it's one thing to not talk as much or see each other as often - just even a reply to a facebook post i've left would be nice. it's a very different thing to make absolutely zero effort to connect when the other person has reached out to you.

    IOW, aren't we supposed to act just OK, and pretend like a purposeful neglectance isn't happening?
    i think it's best to give the benefit of the doubt, but there's a point at which i decide that this person has to be moved lower on my priority list.

  7. #27
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    Getting together with him twice a week is a freaking lot. Two weeks without contact is no problem at all. No trouble, no drama, no doubting his responsibility. If a friend I used to hang out with twice a week doesn't contact me for a month, that's when I'd worry about him, and be pissed at him.

  8. #28
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    I would just think he is busy or something. I mean, I can't always be with this friend. He needs his time as I need mines.

    I wouldn't expect any drama. If he wants to tell me in detail of what is up, he can. If he tells me he can't do our scheduled routine for a while but not go into detail of why he can't, that is ok also.

    Though I might be worried about this person if something did happen.

  9. #29
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I see my friends a few times a year. Seriously....it's a crazy social month for me if I hang out with friends more than twice. However, I do see people I am friends with in various activities I engage in (ie. volunteering). Actually hanging out with the sole purpose of socializing is less frequent.

    I think I'd like more social contact, but part of it is being broke & I'm admittedly very bad at keeping in contact with people. Ideally, once a week would be cool to hang out with a friend. I actually feel that way about a relationship also - once or twice a week to start, with little to no phone calls inbetween.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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