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  1. #11
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Wow! That can only ever be relatively true, for instance you wouldnt want to tell Ed Gein, Ted Bundy et al that they should "Just be yourself" and "Do whatever makes you happiest" you know?
    Who said anything about "Do whatever makes you happiest"? that's a totally different topic to what is being discussed. I would rather Ed Gein and Ted Bundy et al revealed themselves for who they truely were than having them pretend to be nice, average, normal members of the community. They may have been stopped sooner if they showed people who they really were.

  2. #12
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    If your natural self is to be a total asshole, then I think it doesn't really matter if you're true to yourself or not. You're still going to be miserable.

  3. #13
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    If your natural self is to be a total asshole, then I think it doesn't really matter if you're true to yourself or not. You're still going to be miserable.
    Ooh, disagree. I see lots of assholes who seem pretty content and happy.

    My answer - better to be Loved AND Feared. People love you so much that they are scared of to lose your favor. I believe this is the preferred method for strippers and mistresses.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  4. #14

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    There is no such thing as another person. Only you adapting to circumstances.

  5. #15
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Ooh, disagree. I see lots of assholes who seem pretty content and happy.

    My answer - better to be Loved AND Feared. People love you so much that they are scared of to lose your favor. I believe this is the preferred method for strippers and mistresses.
    I think it depends on your definition of content, but I think it's fundamentally impossible to be content if your heart isn't open, and your heart can't be open at the same time you're an asshole to everyone. The dissonance is overwhelming.

  6. #16
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNTP View Post
    I think it depends on your definition of content, but I think it's fundamentally impossible to be content if your heart isn't open, and your heart can't be open at the same time you're an asshole to everyone. The dissonance is overwhelming.
    You sound like you have studied Buddhism.

    I don't disagree with what you're saying but a lot of those [angry, short-tempered, rude, stressed people who act like] assholes to others would probably swear up and down to disagree with you. You even see it to a lesser extent on this forum.

    "I don't have any emotional baggage to work through! I'm not an angry/hurt person! This is just my personality! I'm not being an asshole I'm just asserting my point. perfectly happy with my life and the way I am! How dare you project onto me!" etc.

    Then again, maybe it depends on your definition of 'asshole'.

    I'd still rather be loved and feared. That would make me happy. I think.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  7. #17
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    You sound like you have studied Buddhism.


    I don't disagree with what you're saying but a lot of those [angry, short-tempered, rude, stressed people who act like] assholes to others would probably swear up and down to disagree with you. You even see it to a lesser extent on this forum.
    Yeah, but I don't think people know what the fuck they're talking about, present company excluded, lol.

  8. #18
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloud View Post
    Is it better to be fear and hated or loved and accepted?
    Hmmm, by the way it is phrased, the choices sound extreme -- as if neither could exist at the same time. Isn't there a middle decision?

    I'd go with the path that allows someone to recognize my skills for what they are. When you're overly 'accepted', people can start over-idealizing/estimating your abilities. When you're 'hated', they won't listen to a thing you say (but they may end up as some of your best critics). It's just that many of the areas I focus on doesn't primarily involve being loved or feared. If it happens, I'd simply go with the flow and see how I can incorporate those values into the bigger picture. I'm more about maintaining and striving for balance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    There is a difference between pretending to be something you are not, and working to improve who you really are. Thus even the Ted Bundy's of the world should be themselves, they should just recognize that "themselves" need work.

    As for me, I prefer respect that I have earned. Anything else is above and beyond, and I will not do much simply to achieve it.
    Ah, didn't see this response.

    Agreed.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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  9. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    There is no such thing as another person. Only you adapting to circumstances.
    Also, how can you suppress your own personality? Isn't that like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps?

  10. #20
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Feared and hated. I may need people, but I'm nothing without the reality of myself.
    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I don't think that "being yourself" would mean being feared and hated. Except if you are a sociopath, but then you probably wouldn't be pondering this question. Usually it seems more like the people who are unable to go all the way being themselves are feared and/or hated. I haven't met a scary person that was being honest with themselves.
    Feared and hated is relative.
    I have people who love and accept me for openly being who I am. In the same token, I have people who fear and hate me for the exact same reasons. My personality and opinions can be very morally wrong and abrasive to some, whereas others will feel the opposite.
    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Also, how can you suppress your own personality? Isn't that like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps?
    I would say suppressing certain aspects of your personality. Like you said- "adapting to circumstances". If you're suppressing a number of aspects to make others more comfortable, it could be said that you're straying from your reality.
    As an ENFJ, it can be part of the call of duty. It's normal to keep certain aspects of yourself under wraps, but the issue is in when you start to feel like less of who you are based on what you're holding back.

    Technically, it is all of who you are. If you hold back aspects of who you are, it is technically part of your personality to make that call. Everything is technically something if you pick it apart enough though.
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