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  1. #41
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dansker View Post
    I feel a bit like this. I've been a member here since April 07 and I've never started a thread, yet I visit every day and read quite a lot.
    Yes, I noticed. I had actually wondered if you were still an active member at times because of the long interval between posts.

    Anyway, one thing I notice is that a lot of people get irked by lack of physical things like faces and tones... I tend to be comfortable with pure text moreso that most, although I don't know why (possibly because I think in words?). I guess I'm luckier in that respect, and I apparently start more threads than some.

    I've started 61 according to the search function, although that includes 2 threads split off from others by admins, one started at the request of another user, my blog, my introduction thread, and threads started in the Fluff Zone. I still had no idea it was that many. I guess I just felt like it was less than some other people because I haven't posted many lately.

  2. #42
    Senior Member marm's Avatar
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    I've started 5 threads here, and one of those was split into two. I have no problem with starting threads. The only reason I don't have more threads started here is because I wasn't active here for quite a while. I spend more time on INFPgc, and I've also been more active on integral forums lately. On INFPgc, I might have started probably a whole lot, but I couldn't figure out the amount with the search function. Plus, I belong to several other forums where I start threads all of the time.

    I joined my first forum about a year ago, and my total thread count across forums could is surely above a hundred. I also reply to other people's threads all of the time. I'm more of in a response mode here at the moment, but once I know people here better I'll start more threads.

  3. #43
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SolitaryPenguin View Post
    I think I usually just forget the point of what I am typing, and despite re-reading it, I am still certain that I have wandered off on a tangent that confuses me. I get distracted by shiny things too, which is never helpful.
    Oh a big me too there.

    Sometimes I've even just hit the post button regardless. It's usually at those times when I get a big from everyone
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  4. #44
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ender View Post
    Most of the reason for why I don't reply as often as I want to is not because I'm afraid I'm wrong, but that what I'm trying to say will be taken wrong. I have a hard time relaying how I feel about certain subjects because I draw from so many different areas to reach that conclusion.

    I'm constantly struggling with trying to convey that message without offending anyone, and explain it in a way that would minimize any sort of conflict with the people who wouldn't ordinarily agree.

    Plus theres also a conflict as to how to convey the novel size volume of things I want to say on the subject in a more forum friendly paragraph way of talking. I made note of that in my Introduction thread. If I had let myself I probably would have written a sort of war & peace size biography just so people get the "right" idea of my views and why I am the way I am.
    It is inevitable that someone is going to take what you say wrong on the web. It happens to everyone who posts. Sure there will once in a while be someone who is off in their thinking who fires off some vulgar and scathing private message or thinks you are mad when you are simply giving an opinion, but overall people will get the gist of what you are saying and it all evens out.

  5. #45
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    One phenomenon I really don't understand is why someone would start a thread, and then never come back to participate in it. I've seen it happen a few times - on other forums; I'm not sure if it's happened here.

    Usually it's on some controversial topic like religion or politics. I'm not sure if they're just entertaining themselves at everyone else's expense, or what.

  6. #46
    heart on fire
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    Sometimes I will start a thread on something controversial because I want to see what others think of the issue and I don't put my own views because I don't want the thread to start off becoming about me and my views and them debating me on them, I want the thread to be about their views instead. Then I come back later and give my views, lol as if they probably could not guess them before hand if they knew me!

  7. #47
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    One phenomenon I really don't understand is why someone would start a thread, and then never come back to participate in it. I've seen it happen a few times - on other forums; I'm not sure if it's happened here.

    Usually it's on some controversial topic like religion or politics. I'm not sure if they're just entertaining themselves at everyone else's expense, or what.
    I do that very often with my threads. I'm just curious to see what other people have to say. Plus as heart points out, when you give your own opinions people start to debate you about your opinions and not the meat of the thread. I'm more likely to play devil's advocate and say opinions I don't hold just to get a debate going when I'm discussing things IRL. I tend to post more in threads I'm invested in.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #48
    Senior Member marm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Sometimes I will start a thread on something controversial because I want to see what others think of the issue and I don't put my own views because I don't want the thread to start off becoming about me and my views and them debating me on them, I want the thread to be about their views instead. Then I come back later and give my views, lol as if they probably could not guess them before hand if they knew me!
    I've learned to do this more, but I often will dominate my own threads.

  9. #49
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LucrativeSid View Post
    Most of the time I just think of people as my friends and I just naturally share ideas and ask questions. I just flow. I wouldn't want to over-analyze a thing like expression because that would take the point (and the fun) out of it. I want to flow now and always, and if that means that I might start a junk thread, I can just flow away from it and continue on unscathed. To me, expression is flow, not where you're flowing to.
    When I'm in a more open and secure place (I mean internally, not my external environment), I'm like this. IRL I tend to view conversation as a place to learn. I love to ask questions to understand and learn how other people think about things. I also love to share how I think and then see how others interact with what I've shared. I tend to get completely immersed in the mutual flow and to question that flow tends to completely shut off the valve of expression for me.

    I am shy and I learned early on in my life that any level of self-doubt will just completely shut me down and then that shut down feeds on itself because in the silence of lack of interaction I become even more convinced that no one would be interested in what I had to say if I said it anyway. When I force myself to shut down the part of my brain that worries about whether what I have to say is "good" enough and really just engage in the conversational flow, I find that the response is usually positive enough to keep going, but I'm still really sensitive to the self-doubt shutdown.

    I've been pretty quiet here, partially because I've been recovering from a situation where my confidence and sense of self became shaken. It has, I think, all been a part of a growth curve. I had most of my life been careful about being aware of my environment and sensing what sorts of expression would likely be accepted or not and shaping my expression to be the most appropriate for a given environment. I began to grow frustrated with this fragmented presentation of self and wanted to present myself in whole without reserve in whatever situation I found myself in. I began to present more fully without the pre-analyzed reserve a couple years ago and felt the positive effect of being accepted by people for the whole of my presentation, but also felt the negative effect of being questioned for presentation that didn't meet with understanding or acceptance. Having sheltered myself from this sort of critique most of my life by sensing ahead of time what would or wouldn't be accepted and only presenting those things likely to meet with acceptance had left me somewhat fragile and weak in the reception of this lack of understanding. I found those fragile places in me became a bit emotionally beat up in the process. So I retreated to heal and my time here has been primarily during this time of retreat.

    I haven't started many threads here, nor have I been very good about responding to them either. I've generally been too afraid of being misunderstood, knowing inside that I was still too fragile internally to deal with it. I feared that I wouldn't be capable of explaining myself adequately to be understood, nor capable of simply accepting that my perspective might still be valid even if challenged and never understood.

    Ultimately I most value the abandonment of restraint for myself. I think the risk of posting some loser threads or responses is less dangerous than the cost of not engaging fully with the rest of humanity. And for me, it seems I need to either abandon that critical voice and go with the flow, accepting the bombs as part of the territory, or completely shut down.

    I am hoping to open my conversational flow again, but I suspect it will be spurts of on and off still for a while while I figure out where the water pressure feels comfortable. (Uh, and feel free to ignore me if I become irritating in that process. )
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  10. #50
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by athenian200 View Post
    Well, that's one way of looking at it... but I'm still disappointed that no one liked it enough to say anything if that happens. I guess I have a need to be praised to feel good about myself for some reason.
    I believe that has to do with Fe, Athenian, and though I've been criticized as lacking in self-esteem because I share this need, I no longer believe this assessment to be accurate.

    As I understand it, Fe is judgement oriented externally. Those with Dom or Aux Fe need to refer to an external structure to make their judgements. It is important for us to have external feedback to work with in making decisions (like whether a post or expression is appropriate) and I have now come to believe that there is nothing inherently maladaptive about this at all. (not to say that someone who is Dom/Aux Fe could not also be lacking in self-esteem, but I do not believe they are the same thing) Unfortunately to those who orient their judgement internally Fe may seem a lack of confidence in self. Ironically for those of us who orient our judgement externally receiving that feedback from them can have devastating effect.

    Or so I've experienced.

    At any rate, I would wish you not to feel uncomfortable about this need within you. I think that with external orientation also comes an exceptional awareness of the dynamics of the social environment and I have observed you exhibit this gift in great measure.

    And yes, this is a response to your expression, but one that is without question coming from a place inside of personal pain and so if I projected my own experience on to yours, please forgive me.
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

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