There is a lot of information on controlling behaviors, but I haven't found as much concerning the opposite extreme.
The lack of desire to exert control on others is an issue for me. I operate towards the opposite end of the spectrum of trying to control people. I find it has advantages and some notable disadvantages. It hampered my ability to function as a college professor. We were required to police students for coming in late or eating in class. I tended to overlook that kind of thing and even though it caused some disruption, it simply didn't seem worth addressing. I had trouble being rigid about assignment due dates and such things. In teaching individual music lessons, I find my style to be in stark contrast to other teachers. I just don't exert much structure on the student and never pressure them. I vary the schedule as needed am not bothered by cancellations or when they are late -unless it affects the next one, and then I'm not 'bothered', but just have a problem to resolve. I'm willing to take hobbyist students who don't plan to put much effort into the endeavor. My approach is to enter the student's world and try to make a connection and find that spark that will enable them to inspire themselves. The external structuring just doesn't register in my mind somehow, although I have this faint sense of guilt that I am supposed to be pressuring and policing people, I just blank out and get sleepy when it comes time to do it.
When it comes to relationships I am sometimes at a loss how to "work on the relationship". This is because I don't want to change the person. I don't want to make any demands or impose something on them they would not naturally be inclined towards. That seems artificial. I don't know how you can love a person unless you love their completely natural self and realign your natural self in response. When it comes to just people I meet, there are often those who seem to annoy many people for exhibiting behaviors that are typically rejected. Many times it doesn't register with me because I don't have an expectation of them. I don't wish to change the "annoying" behavior and so don't see a need to address it. If it is something that wears me down, I will spend less time with the person, but still find them a curiosity just as they are. I'm not inclined to describe this as being "nice", but it is something that I am trying to understand better and see if anyone else experiences it.
Even with all that I am probably a J because I enjoy organizing things and making plans. I love contingency plans and to know my every escape route. I enjoy creating systems that simplify complex things through elegant organization. I just loathe to exert external structuring onto people, but enjoy exerting it onto things. I do also control my own behaviors and create systems and contingency plans so that I know I can function in any scenario. Maybe my structuring and control tends to be reactionary by nature? Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing something, and if there is something "wrong" with me because it does stand out irl in comparison to peers.
How do you relate to control vs. non-control of the external world?