But look at the example of a grade-school teacher who can't impose order on the kids and lets them run wild (and one child gets injured, in a worst case scenario). Or a young college professor who is so eager to be popular that he allows the students to blow off or divert the classes and rarely gets around to teaching the curiculum. Or in the workplace--a young boss doesn't want to be "the bad guy" and order people around, so the work doesn't get done and/or the workers get out of hand. It's "controlling" in the sense that that management expects leadership from the teacher/professor/young boss, and the latter are taking advantage to the possible ultimate detriment of their charges or the management.
Even in relationships: unexpected "withdrawals" can become forms of emotional abandonment. Again, it's about expectations. If communication is good, then it's understood if one partner needs some alone time. But if communication is bad, then one or both parties can mistake withdrawal as abandonment.
So I'm just making the point that a soft touch, just by itself, is not automatically a good thing. In fact, if it results in not living up to commitments and expectations, then it's a bad thing.
I think negotiating and meeting expectations has to be the higher priority.